


Crimson, Lotus and Moon

by LeoOtherLands



Series: Of Petals and Falling Flowers [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BDSM, Depression, F/M, Flashbacks, Kindness, Longing, Love, M/M, Multi, POV Multiple, Pining, Polyamory, Punishment, Rape, Recovery, Seeking atonement, Self-Destruction, Slow Build, Threesome - M/M/M, dark secrets, family ties
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2019-10-01 00:05:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 50,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17233685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeoOtherLands/pseuds/LeoOtherLands
Summary: In the wake of the Nine Tail's attack on Neo Konoha, Itachi has done everything in his power to provide his brother with a stable life. But, as Sasuke pursues his own need for atonement, the secrets the village was built on rise out of the darkness, and the last of the Uchiha come to understand they may need to give up their lives in order to undo the festering wrong hiding in shadows of the Foundation.





	1. Punishment

**Author's Note:**

> As with all my chaptered works, I will be updating tags and Archive Warnings as I add more chapters. Just something to keep in mind. There will be more warnings coming later. Oh, and more characters and ships. Hehe.
> 
> Show me the ways  
> give me the means  
> to pull away the veil of time  
> to find the path from which we strayed  
> to destinations far and wide  
> electric streets and railway lines  
> a line of stations to guide us home  
> the need for metal towers  
> machines of radiant design  
> they're silent witness to a golden age  
> glowing wireless  
> light the night  
> so we tuned ourselves away to the lonely songs of satellites  
> voices from distant cities tell  
> of empires conquered in our minds  
> and heroes of the world to come  
> take me back before the years  
> before the colors start to fade  
> a fraction of the grain of time  
> is all I need so you might understand  
> I would not falter  
> I would not hesitate...
> 
> [VNV Nation - Teleconnect Part 1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3YSARMqMzI)

I came awake in the night with a little, startled sound in my throat. My hair was in my face and my sheets were tangled about my legs. Some trace of dream remained on the fringes of my mind, something unpleasant, and my _Sharingan_ spun into life. But what was it that woke me? Something in the dark house was wrong.

I lay, listening to the sounds of the settling house. Aside from these small breathes of noises, all was silent. Then what was it setting my nerves pricking?

Smooth as satin, I disentangled myself from my sheets and dropped my legs to the wood floor. Bare feet. Silent on the polished boards. My sweat pants, the only clothing I wore while I slept, hung low on my narrow hips when I stood. I’d lost weight again. Trouble eating.

The thought was pushed away as I prowled forward, movements fluid and cat quiet. I’d joined the _Anbu_ Black Ops young. If I hadn’t known before, they had taught me to be a shadow. Not even the hinges of my door dared betray me.

The upstairs hall stretched only three feet to my right before running up against the full-length glass of the window. Outside the pane, the world was blue, painted in shades of night and security lights. To my left, the hall flowed passed the second bedroom to the sharp decent of the stairs. Barren, apart from one thing.

A small form stood hanging unto the doorjamb. My little brother awake in the dark.

Some of my disquiet slipped away; I had always been far too in tuned to my brother’s moods. Since he was a babe, I’d been able to sense when he woke, and I’d been the only one able to comfort him.

Even walking toward him in the dark, with my _Sharingan_ glowing red, he didn’t flinch, knowing it was me coming to find him. “Sasuke.”

He rubbed at his sleep filled eyes with the back of an arm. “I had a nightmare, Itachi.”

 _So did I._ The thought flittered through my mind, but I pushed it aside with the thought of my low desire for food.

“You’re awake now,” I said low, not wanting to rouse our parents downstairs. “Whatever you dreamed can’t hurt you anymore.” I followed the last words with a poke to his forehead, not hard, but not light either. Our own language of love since he was very young.

Sasuke stood it with patience but took my hand in his smaller one when I tried to lower it. He turned his dark eyes up to my red ones. “Can I sleep with you, Itachi? Please.”

I sighed but gave in at once. “Come, Sasuke.”

I shepherded him through the night filled hall to my room. My little brother was seven, almost old enough to join the Academy. Though when he was young his penchant for sleeping in my bed had been common, it had almost vanished entirely until the Nine Tails’ attack on Neo _Konoha_ a few weeks previous. Since, my little brother seemed as unable to sleep as I to eat.

“Up, Sasuke,” I said at my bed, and helped him crawl into the tangle where I slept. Once settled there, I joined him, curling around his slight form.

 _We’re both too small_ , I thought, drifting away with his warmth tucked against my bare chest. _He should be growing more._

My worry followed me down into dreams, keeping me alert and on edge. Perhaps it was what allowed me to sense the impending attack. It, or my _Anbu_ training. Or simply my tortured dreams. Whatever. I came fully aware and flashed to the floor in a crouch, Sasuke shielded under me, as _shuriken_ shredded the bed where we had just lain.

Sasuke made small, shocked, mewing noises, but I had no time to consider this. _Spring!_ all my instincts screamed. _Move now, find the enemy!_

Too late.

Blades appeared everywhere, lashing silver out of the dark to pin me from every side. _No good moving, they’ll cut us apart. Don’t have my gear on. And Sasuke!_ Sharingan _!_

No good there either. A look, as our assailants came out of the shadows to press their blades closer, showed their faces covered in _Kitsune_ masks. _Can’t use_ genjutsu _, can’t see their eyes._

Low laughter interrupted my lightening quick, fluttering thoughts. “Out of options, aren’t you, Uchiha? Can’t use those bloody eyes of yours, can you?” The voice stopped being playful and fell into dead hate. “You should have let us kill you in your bed. Now, you get to suffer.”

A blinding strike, too quick to dodge, even if I’d had a place to move, and I crashed to the floor, semi conscience. _Sword hilt_ , was the only thought able to swim though the liquid of my mind.

That and pain. They bound our hands and feet, being intentionally rough, straining my arms behind my back, and dragged us from my room. Down the stairs without mercy.

Blood dripping in my eyes.

Sasuke crying my name.

_How many are there? More than a dozen…_

_Sasuke!_

My stupor left me when they cast us on the cold floor of the main room. I grunted and heaved in a breath, trying to turn my head toward my little brother.

“Itachi!”

“Sasuke!”

He struggled toward me, worming his way like a maggot. I shifted to form a space for him, trying to encompass him and shelter him at once before casting my eyes around to see what awaited us.

“ _Otosan, Okasan_!” the words felt more groan than cry.

Our mother and father knelt, surrounded by another dozen or so _Kitsune_ masked figures, hands tied behind their backs. Swords at their throats.

“Like what you see, Uchiha?”

A step, forcing me to glance up. The one who had spoken in my room stood above me.

“This is how the village felt when your kind let the Nine Tails out to slaughter our families.”

“Kisk!” the sound pushed out of me on a breath. “That was not us!”

 _Useless_ , my mind assured, even as the man (surely a man) kicked me in the throat. I coughed and spat blood, as the fox-faced invader squatted down by me, hunkered there, far too close to Sasuke, with his sword in his hand.

“It was one of you with those eyes.” He moved the tip of his sword before my flaming _Sharingan_. A twitch and I would lose my sight. “Now you all need to be punished for it.”

Cocking his head, he raised his free hand. Slow, so I could see it, trace its arch all the way to its apex. And snapped his fingers.

The swords at our parents’ throats were jerked across the flesh there. Wide cuts from ear to ear, like obscene smiles. Their blood erupted, twin geysers of gore, to spatter the room and our faces.

“Don’t look, Sasuke!” I attempted to curve myself around him, cover him with my body, but our torturer would have none of it.

“Oh, do look,” he joked, jerking Sasuke’s head up by the hair. Turning his face into the dying spray. “That’s what you deserve. To twitch and bleed out like pigs.”

“Stop it!” my words were choked in my bruised throat.

The man only huffed a laugh as he tossed my brother aside. The _Kitsune_ masked figures were throwing our parents’ bodies down and sliding in their blood, but all I could do was struggle toward Sasuke. He was crying.

Kami _! Don’t cry, Sasuke!_

“Well, that’s two dogs down,” the man said, standing from his crouch with the click of metal. “Do the little one next.”

“No! Sasuke!”

Another kick to the face. My eyes were blurred, but through them I could see the fox leering. He twisted my long hair in his hand, as he jerked my head up and around.

“No?”

“He’s just a child! Please! _Kami_! He’s just a kid!”

His sword flashed, pointing. It’s tip hovered inches from Sasuke’s weeping eyes. His bleeding, red eyes.

“He’s a monster. Anyone with those eyes needs to pay for the pain of Neo _Konoha_.”

“S-sasuke.” My brother’s _Sharingan_ left me breathless. Greif and pain tore a hole in my heart. “He did nothing to deserve this! His eyes were not even awakened before this night! Kill me, but for the love of _kami_ , let my brother live!”

“Itachi…”

The word was a plea.

_I will not let you die, Sasuke!_

“Put out those eyes before you kill the little one. And, you get to watch, until I take your eyes too, Uchiha.”

Two forms grabbed Sasuke’s body. My own scream was a blaring, soundless, siren in my mind. My heart was going to break, shatter in two.

Flashes of metal. Twin meaty thumps. The two over Sasuke grunted and crumbled to either side, blood squirting from their necks. Another flash and the fox man’s hand went slack in my hair. My head connected with the floor as his body fell, _shuriken_ buried in the back of his head.

Despite the white stars exploding behind my eyes, I could not miss the shutters of movement and trails coming off the flying sword. An indistinguishable form moved about among the masked figures, slicing them like so many paper dolls. The form threw two more flashes, and pain grazed over my flesh, but my bonds were cut.

I did not hesitate. Ripping the _shuriken_ from the fox man’s skull, I dashed to Sasuke. Slashing the ropes holding him with one hand, I scooped him up with the other arm. Just a moment like that, just a moment holding him, balanced on one knee, my back to the room where an unknown savior cut apart our would-be killers, and I was away. Running for the hall and the door.

“ _Otosan! Okasan_!”

“They’re dead, Sasuke! Leave them!”

No good. Fox faces blocking the way.

I throw the _shuriken_ I clutched, downing one man, wrapped both arms around Sasuke, and turned for the stairs.

Two steps up, and no good there either. Foxes on the stairs above. _Kami, how many were there?_ No escape. Smoke in the air.

A whir of movement. A flicker. And the _Kitsune_ masks above shattered open, shivered by a blade rending face and flesh. Bodies tumbled down around us, and I pressed my back to the wall to avoid them.

“Itachi.”

I looked up and at last recognized the man and the _Sharingan_ shinning above me. “Shisui!”

“Come on!”

I rushed up the steps, uncaring, Sasuke sheltered against my chest. I was nearly to Shisui, _the Body Flicker, how fitting_ , when a thud took me in the back. I tripped, hot bold blossoming between my shoulder blades. _Shuriken._ My arms tightened on my brother. _Must not let go._ I would have fallen but Shisui was suddenly there.

My friend took me and Sasuke both in his arms, and we were moving. His voice, “Hang on, Blackbird.” Glass shattering around us. _The hall window._ And we were flying. Or falling. Or jumping with such swiftness it did not matter. _Only don’t let go of Sasuke!_

I was losing consciousness. Blood was slick on my arms. Far more than I could take losing. And below me, the world was burning. The Uchiha district was in flames. Like my brother’s eyes.

“Sasuke!”

† † †

I jerked awake, body tense, remembered pain throbbing between my shoulders, my _Sharingan_ spinning to life against my will.

“Hey, Itachi. Bad dream?”

 Kakashi’s voice was calm and sure and familiar. A comfort and an anchor, reminding me where I was and centering me in the present. _Sasuke is safe with Shisui._ I pressed a hand over my eyes until I could tame them into darkness again and let my body sag back. “You could say that, Hatake. What time is it?”

I was half reclined against the inner curve of a wall within a small alcove positioned high on a sharp building, like a spire, on the outer rim of Neo _Konoha_. We’d selected the hollow because it was a convenient place to sleep while Kakashi kept watch on out target, a squat, low building resembling a warehouse. My partner crouched in the opening to our hiding place, just barely outlined by a change in the lighting, dressed in his _Anbu_ gear, his face covered by his porcelain dog mask. He turned his head toward me and away.

“Just about time to move. They’re all in there.”

I scraped my own porcelain cat mask off the stone floor and laid it over my face, as I joined Kakashi at the opening. We hunched together on a ledge some sixty meters straight down and a wide loading way from the warehouse we watched. Several months of careful surveillance and dangerous intelligence work had led to this; culminating in this moment. I let my _Sharingan_ blaze out again as I studied the building below us and addressed Kakashi.

“Thanks for letting me sleep.”

“You needed it,” he replied, putting a hand on the wall and leaning out to better gage the distance. “You don’t sleep enough, Uchiha.”

Or eat enough, Shisui would be sure to add. _You’re still losing too much weight, Itachi._ I tried, but eight years later, eating and sleeping were still difficult.

I let the thought drift away. It was not the time for such considerations.

“How many?” I asked instead.

“Twenty. Meaning there’s ten for each of us if they come at us all at once. You up for this, Uchiha?”

“Just try to keep up with me, Hatake.”

“Humph. Now that’s the Itachi I know.” I heard my companion mumble as I dropped over the edge of our hiding place.

Then there was no time for thought of that either. _Falling fast. Sixty meters down. Too far to catch myself with_ ninjutsu _alone._ With a flick of my wrists I activated the nan-ites woven and sewn into the fabric of my gloves and stretched my fingers out to glide over the surface of the building beside me. The minute devices read the speed of my decent and the material of the building and created enough friction to slow me. By the time I was a few feet from the ground, I was moving no faster than if I’d leapt from a high tree branch.

I landed easily in a crouch on my fingers and toes, with the silent grace born of over a decade among the _Anbu_ and a lifetime of honing innate skill. Kakashi was beside me in a moment, with only slightly less stealth. Then we were moving together across the wide road, two shadows avoiding the arches of illumination cast by security lights.

The warehouse was in shadow, a space thrown into disuse after the Nine Tails’ attack and the restructuring of Neo _Konoha_. _Trade has dropped off since then._

Kakashi and I paused only a moment, our backs pressed to either side of the door. We had both waited too long and worked too hard for this to linger long in indecision. Killing the guards was easy. Both fell under our blades without a sound before they were even aware of us. _Only nine more each, if Kakashi’s count is right._ The rest were together in the main area of the warehouse. We fell two more with _kunai_ , _eight more each_ , dissolving the scene into chaos and all-out battle.

The outcome was never in question in reality. This was not to say the _shinobi_ we fought were not skilled. But they were not on the same tier as Kakashi and I. There was not even a need for us to use _ninjutsu_ , only to weave our deadly dance of steel and flashing movement, our bodies so in tune with one another we met and parted like two halves of one will, pressing our opponents so hard they could not weave signs to oppose us.

_Too easy. Like slaughtering babes._

The thought was only a wisp, there and gone. Only when Kakashi and I were through hacking off limbs, cutting throats, and puncturing hearts, only when we were flicking blood from our fingers and wiping it from our blades, did I allow myself to consider the piled, reeking death we had perpetrated. My shoes were saturated with blood, and in the gloom, it was impossible to determine what scattered limb belonged to which mutilated body.

_Don’t look at me, Sasuke!_

I walked slow around the wreck, looking into the eyes and faces of the dead, pausing at that of a girl my brother’s age. Her eyes open and lips parted in surprise at her sudden departure from life. _Hardly old enough even to fight._ I squatted beside her, touching her cheek lightly, wondering which of us had killed her. Kami _, I can’t even remember the faces of those I’ve killed anymore._

“These were no _Akatsuki_ members.”

“Maybe not, but they were Missing _Nin_. And not from the Land of Fire.” Kakashi came to my side and laid a headband, its crest scratched out, in my hand. “What were they doing here, Itachi?”

I clenched my hand over the headband, standing up. “It seems we’ll have to find out.”

† † †

Exhaustion wracked my body by the time I pushed open my own door. Early morning. _Sasuke will be leaving for the Academy soon._ The house was quiet, as I dropped my gear in the hall and padded over the sighing floorboards, my only thought seeing my brother before falling into bed to chase fresh nightmares. _And perhaps Shisui will be awake._

My brother’s door was the second after the kitchen. It was shut, but I thought nothing of pushing it open, his name on my lips.

“Sasuke, I’m home. Egh! Sasuke!”

I’d caught my brother in the act of pulling his shirt about his shoulders. The sight of his skin cut at my heart. I’d seen an occasional, and increasingly common, bruise on his arm or leg or face, but this was nothing so light or random. His back was a patchwork of bruises and healing cuts. His skin matted purple and blue.

My brother made a small sound and yanked his shirt up, buttoning it over his chest with darting fingers, not quick enough to hide the bruises there, as he turned to face me.

“Don’t you care to knock, Itachi?”

“What happened?” I demanded, forcing the door open wider and stepping further into the room.

“Nothing that’s any of your business,” he snapped, snagging his bag from the floor and slinging it over his shoulder. “Leave it alone, Itachi.”

I was surprised by the venom in his words and the hard light in his eyes. _Fifteen. Almost ready to graduate from the Academy. Growing up._

“You’re hurt.”

“Not hardly.”

He attempted to shoulder passed me, but I caught his arm. “Tell me where the bruises came from, Sasuke.” He wrenched his arm away from my grasp as though it stung him. “Training.”

“There is no training at the Academy capable of leaving you with bruises like that. Tell me the truth. Have you been fighting?” _You know that’s against the rules, Sasuke!_

That light in his eyes flared again, unrelenting and anything but pained. “No. I haven’t been fighting. Fighting is pointless without a cause.”

“Then what has been happening?”

“It’s none of your concern. Let it be, Itachi.”

He brushed passed me, the force of his determination pushing me back a step. “Sasuke,” I called, collapsing against the door frame.

My brother, my Sasuke, didn’t answer apart from the slamming of the door.

“Well, that didn’t go well.”

I turned my eyes, surprised to see Shisui leaning on the wall across the hall, arms and ankles crossed. “How long were you there, Shisui?”

“You do need to learn to knock, Itachi.”

I ran a hand over my face. My flesh was hot with the depth of my weariness. Shisui sighed. He unfolded himself and took my hand, bringing me to our bedroom, and not allowing me to speak until I was sitting on the end of our bed.

_So soft. How can my muscles crave anything so much?_

“You’re worried about Sasuke.”

I lifted my eyes to Shisui’s face. _My Shisui._ “You saw his back.”

“Yes, and before today.”

“What?” I attempted to rise. Shisui put his hands on my shoulders, guiding me back down.

“I asked if he was alright, he told me he was.”

“And you believed him?! Shisui, those injuries-”

“They’re something Sasuke thinks he can handle.” My fellow Uchiha folded his arms over his chest again. “Itachi, your brother is older than you were when you joined the _Anbu_ , and nearly as talented. He can handle himself. Do I think it’s something we should ignore? No. But your demanding he explain himself isn’t the way to help him.”

I pressed the heels of both hands to my eyes. _Sasuke._ “Then what should I do, Shisui?”

The older man knelt in front of me and took my hands in his. “You need to talk to him, Itachi.”

I inhaled a shaky breath. “It hasn’t been easy to talk with Sasuke since the Nine Tails’ attack and the night…”

“The night I rescued the two of you,” Shisui concluded.

“The night our clan was massacred.”

“Our clan’s not gone, Itachi. We’re still here.”

“The three of us,” I said softly. “Kakashi possesses a _Sharingani_ , gifted to him by Obito Uchiha in their youth, but he can hardly be counted clan. Our kin were decimated, and Sasuke has not been the same since that night.”

“None of us have.” Shisui squeezed my hands. “But none of that changes the fact you need to find a way to get through to him, Itachi. All this time you’ve been so hung up on what _you_ felt Sasuke needed, and done everything you can to provide him that, you’ve never paused to ask Sasuke what _he_ feels he needs. Or stopped to think what you need. When was the last time you did something for yourself, Itachi?”

I shook my head. “That doesn’t matter.”

Shisui released my hands and stood. The look in his face and eyes made my stomach lurch.

“I’m tired, Shisui.” _In more ways than one._

“I’m about to give you reason to be even more tired.”

Shisui shoved me in the chest, sending me sprawling back on the bed, my head hitting the pillow.

“Shisui.”

His hands were nimbly undoing the fastenings on my pants, stroking and tracing what was beneath. “Do you have any complaints, Itachi?”

_Please, Shisui, I’m covered in blood._

“Didn’t think so.”

Shisui had my pants off, pulling them down over my hips, and his hand was on me.

“Ah, ha!” I jerked under the simple touch, but Shisui only sighed and slipped his hand down to press into where I was hot and close. His fingers massaged at my entrance.

“Ngh! Shisui.”

“What is it, Itachi? Do you want me to stop?” As he said the words his fingers slid inside me, moving and stroking at that place only Shisui seemed able to reach.

I groaned, my head turning restlessly on the pillow. “Please. Shisui!”

“Please?” he asked, inserting another finger. “What is it you want, Itachi?”

“Don’t stop!” _Shisui. My Shisui._

“I thought you might say that.”

Shisui pushed my legs apart with his free hand. Keeping hold of my trembling thigh, he lowered his head and took me in his mouth. He was hot and wet around me, and his tongue worked and flecked over the sensitive parts of me he knew so well, until I was hard and unable to do more than thrash on the bed.

Once I reached this pinnacle point, Shisui raised his head, tilting it to the side to look at me heaving there, and pulling his fingers out of me. “Now, Itachi. What would you prefer? Do you want to take me? Or should I take you?”

 _Shisui. Need you._ “I want you to take me, Shisui.”

“Whatever you like.” My companion stood just long enough to unfasten his own pants and let them drop to the floor. Then he was crawling toward me on the bed and raising my legs about his waist. “Are you ready, Itachi?”

“Shisui- Ah!”

 One motion and he was inside me, and he was not small. My back arched and all I could do was grip our sheets in shuddering fists, Shisui’s member filling me until I felt I would burst apart and still threatening to open me wider. I felt hot tears leak out from behind my tightly closed lids, half in pain, half in needing Shisui to _fucking move already!_

He did, his reproving voice reaching me as he rolled his hips. “Do you know how much I hate it when you’re gone multiple days in a row, Itachi? I miss you, so _kami_ damned much.”

His motions picked up speed, turning all my breathes to gasps and little cries. My tears were running freely now. _More. Please, Shisui, more._

“I- Ah! I… I-”

Shisui grasped my hips in his callused, blade-roughened hands, tugging me closer and pushing deeper. “Don’t tell me you’ve missed my too, Itachi. We both know you’ve been too busy working and running around with that Kakashi Hatake to miss me.”

I wanted to make the protest we both knew to be true, _It’s not like that! Always miss you, Shisui!_ , but my voice was broken, turned to little mewing moans and pleading sounds. It made no difference. Shisui had gone passed the point where words mattered.

His _Sharingan_ spun to life momentarily, and his head rocked back, so, as he was riding me, he almost seemed to beg some higher power for release. He thrust hard forward, once and again, and finished with a surprised, almost relieved exhalation.

My lover sat there a moment, then sagged forward. Spent and dark eyed again. I was not satisfied. With an aggravated grunt, I found the strength to roll him over, pull him out of me, and reverse our positions. I thrust into him, looking for my own relief.

“Come on, Itachi,” Shisui said, taking hold of my hips, once more, helping me to move my tired body on his. “Just like that.”

My companion’s assistance and encouragement allowed me to grasp hold of enough of my flagging strength to complete what he had started. I came with a gasp, and went limp, the last of my energy evaporating like a wisp of wind.

Shisui grunted, let me fall on his chest, and dropped an arm over me, twisting his hand in my hair, plucking at the tie binding the raven tresses in my customary ponytail until it came free. “Feel better?”

“You always seem to know how to make me feel better, Shisui.”

My partner rolled me off him with a laugh and dropped his legs to the floor. “That is why you married me, Itachi.”

I lay there, languid, enjoying watching my husband as he dressed himself, pulling his pants up around those hips, so lately facilitating the tantalizing things he did to me. Shisui glanced at me, noticing my lingering stare, causing a smile to play at his lips.

“What is it, Itachi? Like what you see?”

I nodded absently, sleep already tugging me down toward red tinted dreams.

Shisui smiled, leaned in to kiss me, hands braced on our bed. “Get some rest, Itachi. You’ve earned it. In more ways than one.”

I nodded again. _Love you, Shisui._ “Where will you be, Shisui?” _Don’t leave me alone too long._

A dry chuckle emanated from the man who had not only saved my life but agreed to share it with me. “Well one of us need to play momma bird. I need to pick up a few things for us to eat when Sasuke gets home.”

I nodded again, and Shisui pressed his forehead to mine. “Rest, Blackbird. I’ll be back soon.”

When he was out of my sight, closing our door behind him, I shifted, gathering his pillow in my arms and tucking it to my chest. I succumbed to sleep like that, breathing in my husband’s scent.

† † †

I let the door slam to behind me, my heart beating furious through my chest. I could feel my eyes going red with the _kekki genkai_ of our clan, my brother’s wounded and confused face playing behind them in looping circles.

Pressing one hand over a bleeding eye, I internally cursed him and his poor timing. _Damn you, Itachi! Can’t you have come home a moment later?_

The morning was mild, a watery thing of early spring, and the neighborhood Itachi and Shisui had chosen to purchase a house in was upscale and close to the _Hokage_ Residence and the Academy. The two facts presenting me with what should have been a short and pleasant walk. If I hadn’t been in a fit of rage.

_Fuck! Need to calm my eyes down, need to do it now._

I ripped my hand from my face, digging my nails into my palm until blood dripped out between them to patter onto the pavement under my feet. The biting pain centered me, slowing my heart. A few breathes later, I was able to let my eyes fall back to black. But not misunderstand where I now stood.

Shisui knew about my scars, but Shisui was different from Itachi. _Damn you, Itachi! You shouldn’t have seen me!_ Itachi would question me. _Love you, Itachi._ But he wouldn’t fucking understand! Shisui might, but he wouldn’t ask for what I had no intention of giving. _You better be able to calm him down, Shisui._

The thought of what my brother and his husband were likely doing sent a different kind of ripple through my heart rate. _Itachi is safe with Shisui._ The older man would ease the sting my anger would have inflicted on my brother and would talk him down from pressuring me.

For a while.

I would have to think of something.

_Need to be careful._

My expression was stoic by the time I crossed the Academy’s yard and trudged up the concrete stairs. Despite the blood drying on my hand, no one would know the festering anger behind my hooded eyes.

And that was necessary.

Need _to be careful._

The first day I’d set foot in the Academy, I’d known the truth I’d never tell Itachi. _They hate us,_ nisan _._ My fellow students’ hard stares, bitter looks, and muttered snarls of, “Uchiha,” as I passed all the proof of their enmity I ever needed. Their faces weren’t hidden under _Kitsune_ masks, but they didn’t need to be.

This was what Itachi would never understand. Madara Uchiha had used his prowess with he _Sharingan_ to set the Nine Tails on Neo _Konoha_. Though we were sparred the village’s vengeful retaliation on our clan through Shisui’s skill, the village was not satisfied with our ability to still draw breath. They required us to atone.

Shisui was an _Anbu_ under the direct command of the Lord _Hokage_ Minato Namikaze, and Itachi part of Lord Danzō’s _Anbu_ division assigned specifically to track down Madara and his _Akatsuki_. They were of use to the village and worked to show they had no sympathy for the once head of the Uchiha. Had in face both been members of the _Anbu_ before Madara’s betrayal.

 _You can_ do _something to prove yourself, Itachi._

Sliding into my seat in homeroom, my bag slipping off my shoulder to the floor, I was reminded I could not. A girl sat across the aisle to the left of me. A pretty girl, hair as pink as Sakura flowers. _Sakura, her name is Sakura._ She saw the blood on my hand and leaned into the blond girl beside her, _Ino_ , to whisper something behind her hand, her eyes on me all the while. Wanting me to know I was the topic of her words as the two girls snickered together.

I turned away, face apathetic. Detachment had become my primary study. Even when the pretty Sakura flower called to Iruka- _sensei_ in order to point out my bloodied hand, and question my adherence to the Academy rules, my expression didn’t change. Voice flat, I explained I’d scrapped my hand on my way to the Academy.

_Have you been fighting?_

Itachi’s words came to haunt me like a specter. _No_ nisan _. I can’t afford to fight. Can’t make a wrong move._ Can’t _even fucking_ prove _I’m loyal!_

_Sorry._

_I’m sorry._

Beneath my controlled, cool exterior, my need was growing. It followed me through second period Advanced _Ninjutsu_ , scratched at me, pushing behind my eyes with visions of _Kitsune_ speckled red with blood, and whispering in a joking, good-natured voice.

_Anyone with those eyes…_

By the end of _Taijutsu_ Special Tactics, I thought I might crawl out of my own skin. _Have to wait. Don’t have a choice._

I was shoving some papers into my bag, anxious to be away at the end of the day, when Daikoku Funeno- _sensei_ clapped a hand on my shoulder. Unintentionally, I let a sound of surprise escape. I despised being touched, and it was with disgust, shared it seemed by the light in Funeno’s eyes, that I raised my head to look at him.

“Hizashi Hyuga told me to have you go over to his classroom after lecture, Uchiha.”

 _Hyuga._ A chill seeped through my blood, flipping my stomach over. “Did he say why, Funeno- _sensei_?”

The man released me. “No. Just get over there, Uchiha.”

I did as I was told, shouldering my bag and pacing away. Hyuga’s classroom was near the back of the Academy, further from the main entrance than anyone would normally be this time of day. The blinds were pulled when I arrived, letting in only dimming, golden, afternoon light, but the door was open. I stepped in, expression placid, but body alert. Screaming.

_There is a reason._

But he’d always been good at hiding his _chakra_. I didn’t know he was there until he closed the door behind me, leaning on it with crossed arms and quiet face.

Not Hizashi Hyuga. His son, Neji.

_Wasn’t expecting it here. Should have anticipated, though._

“So, you did come, Uchiha.”

“Yes,” I said, backing away. Backing into to a wall. My body was trembling against my will. _Dammit!_

Neji pushed off the door, locking it with one hand, his _Byakugan_ so white he appeared blind. “One would think you would know better by now. Or do you really enjoy yourself so much?”

I let my bag drop to the floor, pushed it way with one foot. “Get on with it, Neji! I’ve waited, and I don’t have fucking time!” My hands were balled into fists, my nails tickling along the line of scars I’d left on my palm. Could have healed them, hadn’t bothered.

Neji stopped in front of me. Face impeccable and beautiful. I could never get over how refined his features were. Feminine under soft, long hair. He’d whip me if he heard my thoughts. _You’re lovely, Neji._

“If you want it so bad.” A fist took me in the gut, hard enough to double me over. A second followed, and I spat blood, panting. “I’ll give you what you deserve, Uchiha.”

I laughed. Feet apart for balance, hands flat, bracing on the wall. “Gotta hit harder, if you expect it to hurt.”

Neji slapped me across the face. My head rocked back against the wall, my lip burst open. _Itachi will see it! Can’t be helped._

“You want to try me, Uchiha? Is that what it is?” One hand took my throat, the other my crotch. Both thumbs making me squirm. “I did promise you something special today, you want me to bring it out early?”

 _Not what I wanted._ Kami _dammit!_ “Just do it, Neji!” I shouted around the hand constricting me. “I don’t have time today!” _Itachi’s home today…_

Neji considered me. His slow reply my return for my outburst. “Do what, Uchiha?” He leaned in close, forehead almost touching mine. “You know you always have to ask for it.”

“Hurt me!” I snarled. “Wreck me! Tear me a fucking part!”

No change on his face. Just in his eyes, his own _kekki genkai_ coming active. His hand on my crotch traced up, took hold of my pants, wrenched them open, pushed them down.

“Turn around. Face the wall.”

No resistance. Only compliance.

Neji pulled my arms back and laced my wrists together before wrapping his own arms around me and carefully undoing every button on my shirt, so he could pull it back over my shoulders. “Good dog. Now, here’s what I promised you.”

He took a length of thin, steel wire out of his pocket. Hooped it about my throat. _It’ll be fine. Academy uniforms have high collars…_

A firm Gentle Fist to the small of my back sent me crashing into the wall. My lip split further, but it was my legs which concerned me. They buckled, only Neji’s hold on me kept me upright. He didn’t let me forget it.

He kicked at my legs, hauling up on my arms, as he pressed lips to my ear. “You’ll have to do better than that if you expect to get what you want, Uchiha.” He twisted his fingers in the steel wire, tightening it around my neck.

I grunted, my _Sharingan_ blazing out and sending trails of blood down my face. I turned them on Neji, even as I forced myself back up the wall, legs shuddering, leaving lines of blood on the wall from my face. “Neji… Just ruin me!”

My next words were cut off when he slipped the wire tight. My vision blurred out, and a never-ending blaring, white, siren call went off in my head. A scream, a scream for air.

_I can take it, I can take it all. Give me more, Neji._

As if hearing my thoughts, but disregarding them, my torturer eased back on the wire, allowing me to breathe in roughened draughts of air. And to shriek out a curse when he penetrated me. Hard and without preparation. It was like tearing, and I shut my eyes against it.

This was what Neji got out of our arrangement. He could have my body, but only if he brutalized it.

Cutting off my air again, he spoke words in my ear I didn’t hear over the rush of my own suffocation and swiveled his hips. Pain wracked me from head to toe, but I stood up against it, absorbing it. This was what I’d waited for. This was what I _needed_.

_Punish me, Neji. Make me pay for it._

He gave me air again. Leaving me with only the feeling of him inside me. I didn’t care about it, even as I responded to it, growing hard. Neji could do anything to me, as long as he gave me the pain.

“Please, Neji…” _Voice messed up… Will have to heal it…_

The thoughts whispered away as Neji capitulated to my begging, tightening the wire again.

_More, Neji. Give me more. Need this._

Itachi would not understand. Someone had to pay for the crime committed against Neo _Konoha_.

That someone would be me.

_Give me the punishment. I can take it. I can take it all!_


	2. The Hidden Sound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my humans, my ideal for all my chaptered works is to put out a chapter a week. But, let's face reality, ideals rarely occur. This otaku is unfortunately busy, and has multiple projects going at once. All of which are languishing. Not to mention the fact this chapter is longer than the last, and I feel the third will be longer still. What I'm saying is, chapters are coming, I have this whole thing planned right down to chapter titles. I just might not meet my ideal frequency of updates. Please don't hunt me down...
> 
> "We were born sick", you heard them say it  
> My church offers no absolutes  
> She tells me 'worship in the bedroom'  
> The only heaven I'll be sent to  
> Is when I'm alone with you  
> I was born sick, but I love it  
> Command me to be well  
> Amen, Amen, Amen
> 
> Take me to church  
> I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies  
> I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife  
> Offer me that deathless death  
> Good God, let me give you my life
> 
> No masters or kings when the ritual begins  
> There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin  
> In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene  
> Only then I am human  
> Only then I am clean  
> Amen, Amen, Amen
> 
> Take me to church  
> I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies  
> I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife  
> Offer me that deathless death  
> Good God, let me give you my life
> 
> [Take Me to Church - Hozier](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVjiKRfKpPI)

My throat ached. I’d had to repair it enough where my voice wouldn’t give me away, but I’d left the rest. Days later, it was still hard to swallow. Especially food. _Doesn’t matter._ I had fresher pains already.

_Neji’s waiting…_

Body fidgety and anxious to be away, almost trembling with the intensity of my desire, I slung my bag over my shoulder. Easing my door open, I peered out. The house was silent and gray. Washed out and nearly colorless in the early morning light seeping in through the windows.

_Itachi’s still asleep._

My brother was always exhausted beyond reason after a mission requiring him to stay away a few days or more. It would take him just about as long to recover. _Shisui will take care of him. I’ll be back later._

I padded over the bare boards, stockinged feet whisper quiet. It wasn’t enough. _Dammit!_ Never was enough. The Body Flicker hadn’t earned his name or reputation for nothing.

One moment I was clear to the door, the next Shisui leaned on the wall ahead of me, arms crossed in a lazy gesture. As if he hadn’t just been somewhere else. “You’re heading out kind of early, Sasuke.”

“Yeah.” I paused, gripping the strap of my bag with one hand.

“Didn’t think there were classes at the Academy today.”

“I’m going to study with Neji. _Fuck! Shisui!_

The older man’s forehead scrunched as he frowned. “Neji Hyuga? I didn’t know you hung out with him. And, I didn’t think you were one to need help with your studies, Sasuke.”

My mouth dropped open to growl something, but Shisui put up a hand to stop me. “I’m not asking you to explain. You’re a man, Sasuke. By your age, I was already working for Hiruzen and Minato.” He shook his head with obvious annoyance. “I’m only here to check in with you because, knowing Blackbird, he still hasn’t done what I told him he should do. So.” He held up one finger. “Answer me this. Are you still okay?”

I shifted on my feet. Half wanting to leave, half horrified and biting angry he’d advised my brother to do anything regarding me. “I’m fine.”

“Good.” Another finger joined the first. “Do you want or need us to do anything to help you?”

A grunting growl slipped out. “No. I wish you’d both stay out of it.” _Fuck!_

“Okay.” Third finger held up beside the other two. “Why is your brother so _kami_ dammed hard headed sometimes?”

I was so taken aback a smile quirked up my lips. “You married him.”

“I did.” The hand dropped. “And ended up doing this parenting thing for two stubborn, knuckleheads.”

My smile dropped off, replaced instantly with that flare of anger again. “You’re not my parent.”

“No, I’m not.” Shisui crossed his arms in a repeat of his previous gesture, crossed and ankle for good measure. “And I said _parenting_ , not _parent_. They’re two different words and mean different things. I never wanted to take the place of either of your parents, Sasuke. But I do want to take care of you the way I think they would. I wasn’t in time to save their lives and I owe them that.”

_Kami!_ I swallowed around three-day-old pain and the size of Shisui’s admission. Despite his relaxed attitude, it was clear in how his jaw flexed and his eyes spun to red before he cast them on the floor, how much the words cost. _Shit. Shisui never losses his cool._

I opened my mouth to say something, didn’t know what, only to have him hold up another hand to stop me. He pinched the bridge of his nose before going on.

“So, just tell me if you _do_ want or need me, okay, Sasuke? And go easy on your bother, if you can. He’s as tangled up as you are. Hell, as we all are. He’s trying. He’s just…” He shrugged. “He’s Blackbird.”

I stared down at my socks, both hands wrapped around the strap of my bag now. Eyes burning and building in pressure _wanting_ to glow with the _Sharingan_ , even as I refused to let them.

_Fuck!_

There was no way the older man could know his words hurt me worse than anything Neji did to me. _Shit, Neji!_ I didn’t _want_ to hurt Itachi. Of all people, he was the one I wanted to be happy. _You shouldn’t have to be in pain, Itachi._ I just didn’t want him to stop me.

“Yeah.” My voice was thick. “I need to get going, Shisui. I’m late.”

“Right.” He came off the wall, rolling his shoulders to loosen them. “Just don’t forget, we have dinner later. Your brother is cooking. Or, trying to…”

We both winched, and I slid my shoes on and ducked out the door. Once I was clear of the house, I broke into a run, arms back, head lowered into the wind. _Fuck!_ Kami _!_ _Shit! Dammit!_ A running line of expletives swirled through my mind on the rush of my speed.

_Neji will flay me for being this late!_

I wondered if I should worry the thought was not unpleasant.

† † †

The Hyuga residence was a modest dwelling situated on the east side of the clan’s district. Nothing near as extravagant as the main branch of the family favored, but far larger than anything I was used to. Just crossing the garden made my skin itch. As though I weren’t nervous enough already.

_Only two people live here?_

A _shishi-odoshi_ water fountain made its hollow, liquid sound behind me as I stood hesitating on the porch, my body thrilling. _So fucking late! Why here?_

Neji made a habit of changing the scenes of our interludes regularly, to keep me off balance. But he had never suggested one of our houses. His motivations for doing so now raised little alarm bells in the distant part of me wanting to cower away from the pain. The rest of me jittered to know what Neji was planning.

The doorbell chimed even outside, startling me. The interminable time it took Neji to answer did nothing to calm me.

His face was impassive as ever as his white eyes took me in. Seeming to enjoy the sight of me trembling and disheveled on his doorstep. “You’re late, Uchiha.”

“Yes.” No denial. Kami _, dammit, Shisui!_

Neji motioned me in a head of him. I jumped in the polished hallway when he shut the door, causing his eyes to flash over me.

“There a problem?”

“Are you sure it’s safe to do this here?” I normally made it a point to not question, but on _this_ point, I needed to be very clear.

“Um,” Neji made the little sound and nodded his chin. “My father has gone to a meeting with his brother, the head of the main branch of the family, and he won’t be back until tomorrow. The house is ours.”

He strode passed me, indicating I should follow, the brush of his clothing and the scent of his hair sending little pulses through me. _You smell like life and lotuses, Neji._ Another punishable thought. Attraction was forbidden between us.

Neji’s room was on the second floor, and it was more suite than room. A bathroom, sitting area, and small library all opened off the main room holding his bed. I found myself just standing and looking around at it all, until Neji’s hand in my hair directed me back to my reason for being there.

“You’ve already kept me waiting, Uchiha.”

I swallowed through that persistent pain in my throat. “What should I do?”

Neji gave my hair a sharp tug before releasing it, pacing over to a carved wardrobe. “Turn around. Take your clothes off.”

I did as instructed, putting my bag aside and piling my clothes on it. Then just stood again. Waiting. I could hear Neji rummaging behind me, but I knew well enough when Neji said _turn around_ he also meant _don’t look_.

My skin was shivering by the time Neji found what he wanted.

“On the bed. Face down.”

_Bed._

My eyes darted to the object in question. Neji’s bed was big enough for four, with carved, dark, red, wood posts going up to the high ceiling. It was imposing. More imposing, though, was the thought we’d never used a bed before.

_Never been in his house before! Let alone his room!_

A lash across my buttock made me jump, shoving the thoughts aside. “Something wrong with your hearing, Uchiha?”

“No.” I went to the bed. Crawled onto it, lay down, found myself inundated by Neji’s scent. He hadn’t washed his sheets in preparation for my coming. Just left them. The intensely personal nature of this set me hyperventilating. I felt I would suffocate in the sweet, husky smell of him.

The bed moved under me when he joined me on it. I expected, something. But not the way he touched me. His hands were surprisingly gentle and oddly painful at once. They danced over my skin. Inspecting my bruises, caressing the cuts he’d left on me, skipping over my throat.

“You should heal more of these.”

The words inserted a sliver under my flesh. I attempted to twist around, but Neji’s grip on the back of my head stopped me, enforced his don’t look, crushing my face into the bedding.

“Why?” I puffed out of the pillow. I’d wanted to snarl but couldn’t find the air.

“So you can take everything we’re going to do next. The last thing I need is you dead, Uchiha.” He said the last words into my ear and I shut my eyes.

Only to open them with a hiss a moment later. Neji’s hand, warm with _chakra_ , on the small of my back made me thrash again.

“No!” I managed a snarl at last, but he only boxed my ear, leaving me lying stunned and my head ringing.

Jerking my head to the side by the hair, he forced me to meet his _Byakugan_. “I have something better than a piece of wire for you, Uchiha. But it you resist, you won’t get it.”

I lay still after that, but I was stiff. Angry. Stinging at this unprecedented turn of affairs.

_This isn’t what you’re supposed to do, Neji!_

I didn’t realize I was crying until Neji finished his ministrations and flicked a tear away.

“So, this is what I need to do to make you weep for me.”

I growled and tucked my face into the pillow, clenching my teeth. _Fuck you, Neji!_ Only the pillow was no refuge for me. More of his scent clung there.

He said nothing else, but I felt the bed move as he shifted position. And at last, I knew what he’d searched for. Rough rope coiled around my ankle. Goosebumps rippled over my skin at the implications, _four posts, there are four posts_ , and I felt myself go hard despite myself. _That’s not what I came here for!_

Neji tied one ankle, then the other. Intentionally leaving my arms for last, intentionally letting me stew in my own thoughts and anticipation. My heart was hammering when he came to my wrist, tying the rope with expert care, the way we’d been shown in the Academy.

_No mercy. All about restraint._

There was no mercy when he pulled the rope tight around the post either. I yelped as I felt my joint stretched, the shoulder a hair breath from dislocating. Then I need stay that way, stung at that awkward angle, body screaming for Neji to _fucking tie the other rope already_ , so I could at least be strained out evenly. I was panting and sweating by the time Neji secured his last knot.

_Spread eagle on his bed. Can’t move._

“What is it you want, Uchiha?” he asked, the prelude to what I needed.

Shuddering. “Take me apart, Neji.”

“If that’s what you want, Uchiha.”

He moved behind me where I couldn’t see. There was no warning, only a click of metal, then burning pain bloomed around a cold spike in my back, just below my shoulder.

A scream tore out of my throat as my body spasmed, yanking at the ungiving ropes. My shoulder tweaked, and bone scraped against the tip of the _kunai_ imbedded in me. Blood welled up, hot and viscous. I felt my horizon dim, swallowed by the ringing in my ears.

_I’ve got blood in your bed, Neji._

But he didn’t seem to mind that. Suddenly his thighs were on either side of me and he plunged into me. I cried out again and let loose a series of moans as his movements pushed me down into the mattress, putting more strain on the ropes. My tendons went fully taut, I felt tearing.

But distant. My body was growing cold with shock. Neji had never used a weapon before. In all the things he’d done, he’d never used more than his own fists or nails or simple instruments. There had always been a pint beyond which he would not go.

_Neji…_

As if hearing me, he gripped the hilt of the _kunai_ , pressed on it.

“Aha!” The half pleading cry escaped me, my body shuddering under the sluggish ooze of my blood and the metal on bone grind going on with every thrust.

“Does it hurt?” Neji ripped the blade out of me and my endeavor to contain my outcry failed.

_Bleeding. Bleeding everywhere…_

With one hand he knotted his fingers in my hair again, turning my face to his, with the other he held the _kunai_.

“You didn’t answer me.” The tip of the _kunai_ traced along my face, over my neck, passed the twitching wound on my back.

“Yes!”

Kami _. Oh,_ kami _._

The blade snagged in my flesh. My whole body spasmed a second time. Not for a moment did Neji cease thrusting.

“Do you want me to stop? You told me to ruin you.”

“Do it, Neji! Cut me open! FLAY ME!”

_Please!_

“As you wish.”

The blade slid down my side, peeling my skin. Heat. A wash of my blood spilling out to dye his white sheets red. Cold. Numbness spreading all through me.

_Not used to this. Losing blood. How much can I take?_

I hadn’t realized my teeth were in the pillow, hadn’t realized I’d torn it open. Hadn’t realized we’d both come in a rush.

“Neji…”

“Is it too much, Uchiha? Or can you take more?” He readjusted his grip on my hair, made sure I couldn’t move, and laid his lips over mine. “How much pain are you willing to take to get what you want?”

My eyes drifted red. My heart was palpitating. _Lack of blood._ And the kiss. It was the first time Neji had done such a thing. _I don’t understand._

_Gotta answer…_

“All of it. Give me more, Neji.”

Alost as if my words had done it, I felt Neji go hard again. I groaned as he started rocking us, setting off little sprung tremors through my over taxed joints. His teeth nipped my neck and I squeezed my eyes shut, leaning into it. Leaned into his motions. Leaned into every ache. Leaned into the sticky, wet pool created by my own blood and cum. Leaned into the clamp of his teeth on that curve where neck met shoulder. Leaned into how his tongue licked the blood away.

_Everything hurts, Neji…_

_Thank you. Needed… You…_

I was drifting. Slipping down into that warm dark. A slap to my face brought me back in a groggy way. His white eyes were near mine, his lips dyed red.

“Are you really so weak?”

“Fuck. You…”

“Unlikely.” Neji’s eyes flicked to the library door and back. “Are you willing to take more, Sasuke?”

_My first name. Why?_

“Yes.”

He stopped all motion, spoke into my ear. “What if I were to tell you I can make all of this serve a purpose beyond your own gratification? What if I were to show you a way your pain could be used for the ultimate wellbeing of Neo _Konoha_? How much would you be willing to suffer?”

My breath caught. _Neji._ My eyes swiveled up to his, trialing lines of blood. “Anything.”

“Remember you said it, Uchiha.” His eyes flicked away and back again. “I’ve brought you someone who can hurt you better than I ever could.”

I followed his new line of sight to see a man framed in the library door. Someone I had never seen before. He was tall and slim with intensely pale skin, long, dark hair loose down his back, and weird, amber, snake silted eyes. He was dressed in dark pants and a long, light over tunic, slashed up to the hips and held tight with thick, purple cords.

He smiled, showing sharp teeth, his eyes taking me in as he crossed the floor.

“Ah, Hyuga. How can I tell you how arousing it is to see you this way, all splayed out astride our prize.”

“Orochimaru,” Neji said, sitting up on top of me without bothering to remove himself from _inside_ me.

“Neji,” the newcomer returned with apparent affection in his tone, scooting onto the bed just enough to wrap his fingers in Neji’s hair. But not how Neji twisted his in mine. Orochimaru tugged just hard enough to bring Neji’s face to his for a kiss that left Neji panting and swelling down inside me.

Watching this exchange, I couldn’t help but feel I’d missed something important in the negotiation of my arrangement with Neji.

_You’re_ with _someone, Neji!_

When the older man slid off the bed again, Neji began to pull out of me, only to be waved aside by a long, pale hand.

“Don’t bother until you’ve finished. I think our young friend is jealous.”

Neji bucked atop me, hitting _that spot_. A quick slash of the _kunai_ across my shoulder blades sent me gnashing my teeth into what was left of the pillow again.

“I’ve warned him about that.”

“I’m sure.” The amber eyes glowed above a sharp smile as Orochimaru began removing his clothes. “But let it go for now. There is no need for jealousy with the three of us.”

Neji leaned down, his tongue teasing over the cut he’d made, making my breath hitch.

“My, you do enjoy this, don’t you?” Orochimaru asked. He stood there, naked, causing my already ragged breathing to fall apart.

_Oh._

_Oh, Neji._

The man chuckled, pushing a long strand of hair over his shoulder.

“I’ve come with a proposition for you,” he said, crawling on the bed. Neji handed him the _kunai_ , even as he started moving me, moving me as only Neji knew how. An undignified moan came out of me and one of Neji’s hands slipped under my stomach to squeeze me, causing his companion to chuckle again at my panting. “But before that,” the snake eyed one laid the blade of the _kunai_ along my neck, drawing a line of blood, “Neji tells me you have certain needs, which must be taken care of.”

_Yes. Oh,_ kami _, yes._

After that I lost all track. All track of how they cut me and beat me. All track of how many times over they killed me and healed me to endure again. All track of which was fucking me where. All track of how long they used me like a helpless kitten in a trap. It all swirled together until I thought I would lose my mind, only one tie binding me to cohere.

_Trust you, Neji._

_Wreck me, ruin me, rape me, destroy me. I don’t care!_

In the end, I came back to myself slowly. I was laying, naked, but unbounded and healed, in Neji’s bed. The sheets had been changed and the blood cleared away sometime while I slept. Now, Orochimaru sat, fully dressed, one leg curled under him, the other dangling off the edge of the bed, brushing his fingers through my hair, while Neji perched protectively at my shoulder, running a soothing hand down my spine.

When I tried to move, Neji eased me back. “Slowly, Uchiha.”

“I must agree,” Orochimaru said. “There’s no need to move, only to talk. We have much to discuss, little Uchiha. But don’t worry, we’ll still get you home before dinner.”

† † †

“His name is Orochimaru.”

I gazed at the slightly smiling image of the man I held between my fingers. As if it disgusted me.

_This is the man brutalizing my brother._

One of the men. Neji Hyuga’s picture was tucked behind this Orochimaru’s.

_Sasuke!_

My brother had already been home when I woke late afternoon. I hadn’t even known he’d left and went about the business of preparing the evening meal with only the thought of trying to make it edible.

There had been a tension in the air, it was true, with Sasuke sitting still and quiet and deep in thought, and _actually eating_ the food I’d cooked, as if it weren’t awful, and Shisui pulling at threads to try at creating conversation which wouldn’t come. But this was not unusual after my inept attempt to make Sasuke explain his bruises. Despite it all, I had simply been pleased to have my family around me.

Simply felt some slight joy when Sasuke had allowed me to bid him goodnight with a finger to his forehead. Simply been content to kiss Shisui good-bye and hear his, “Back soon, Blackbird,” before he slid on his porcelain mask and disappeared to the _Hokage_ Residence for the night. Simply content to hold my husband’s pillow to me and breathe in his scent to carry with me to dreams.

Had been. Before my window had eased open and the bear masked informant, I’d set to watch my brother, darted in to kneel at my drowsy feet with his report. My subordinate had been lacks on the details of what went on in Neji Hyuga’s room, but that could hardly be held against him.

There was no good or delicate way to tell your superior his little brother liked to be tied down and fucked by two men at once.

_Oh, Sasuke._

I should have been standing, but my informant’s words had rent something in my heart. I physically lacked the strength to stand, and so found myself sitting at the edge of my bed. Pictures held in my lap, so the bear masked man wouldn’t see my hands tremble.

_My Sasuke!_

My brother hadn’t even told me if he proffered the company of men or women, much less the fact he’d entered a sexual relationship.

_Did you know, Shisui?_

I let the thought drift away to extinguish itself. “Orochimaru,” I said instead. “The name is familiar. Who is he?”

The bear mask was inscrutable and the voice from behind it flat. Inflectionless. “One of the _Densetsu no Sannin_ , _Konoha’s_ Three Legendary Ninja. He, Jiraiya the Toad Sage, and Lady Tsunade the granddaughter of the first _Hokage_ , were all trained by Lord Third Hiruzen. After the Nine Tails’ attack they left the village, under the guise of hunting down Madara and his _Akatsuki_ , only to betray the village and join them.”

I winced, a physical pain running all through me. The man before me went on as if he hadn’t noticed.

“Shortly thereafter, Hiruzen himself took a contingent of his personal _Anbu_ out to dispatch his errant students. What happened is unknown, but Hiruzen has not been seen since, and Jiraiya and Tsunade were killed in a battle with Lord Danzō when the Legendary _Sannin_ attempted to mount an attack on the Foundation.

“Since, Orochimaru has reneged on his alliance with the _Akatsuki_ and spent his time building his own group of Missing _Nin_ , he styles the Hidden Sound. His motives and objectives are unclear.”

I found myself clutching the photos suddenly. Crinkling the glossy face as my eyes swam. It was no wonder I only vaguely recalled the events. _All of this happened during and after the Uchiha slaughter. Shisui would know more._ Hiruzen had only not taken Shisui with him on his doomed venture due to Shisui’s recent, overwhelming grief.

_What have you got yourself into, Sasuke!_

“If this Orochimaru is such a highly known criminal, why is it he seems free to walk about the village as he sees fit? Why isn’t _Konoha’s_ efforts toward tracking him down?”

Still not a twitch of movement from my subordinate. He was trained well. The Foundation always saw to that. “As Orochimaru has posed little to no threat, compared to that of the _Akatsuki_ , and has done nothing against _Konoha_ following the deaths of his teammates, the village has daubed him little more than a mostly harmless aggravation and turned it’s attention to more pressing matters.”

_Of course._

_Konoha_ had suffered since the Nine Tails’ attack. Its resources were stretched thin and so found it necessary to pick its battles wisely. Orochimaru could be dealt with later Danzō would say.

_A man must know where he stands and fight only for that patch of ground._ I could hear the man’s words in my head as if he were standing near me. _I’ve been in the_ Anbu _too long… I can think of that later!_

I turned my eyes up to the bear masked face. “For now, you will speak of this to no one. Continue to follow my brother and tell me the next time he meets this Orochimaru. I will deal with the matter personally.

The man bowed his head and was gone, like the shadow we were trained to be. Alone, I was able to tremble at last. Tremble with fear for my brother.

_If this becomes known in the village…_

I wrapped my arms around myself and cried tears into my sleeves. _I will protect you, Sasuke!_

† † †

_I will see you again in three days._

Three days to decide. Three days without Neji, or his hands on me. Three days to traverse between the Academy and home and debate it all in my head. _Three days with, Itachi…_

Three days to spend with Itachi and Shisui, as if my world hadn’t just torn apart.

_I love you, Itachi._

Moving through the days, like swimming through water, I wished I could say the words aloud, but held back.

_Better to not to. Better to just give him the time. The normalcy._

Because there was never a question of what I would choose. I’d made up my mind on Neji’s bed with Orochimaru’s fingers in my hair. Neji knew it but said nothing as he walked me to his door. Nothing until I was on his porch.

“Three days. Come here.”

Back to his house. Back to his bed.

My need was a roaring scream under my skin after the first day, but I tramped it down. _It will wait. Itachi is now._

It was my turn to cook. I thought of it all day at the Academy, ignoring all else to the chagrin of my _senseis_. _Fuck them._ When I got home, I dropped my bag and went straight to the kitchen.

Shisui found me first, pausing in the doorway with a shocked, “Whoa. What have you been doing, Sasuke?”

“Cooking.”

“Obviously. Isn’t this a bit excessive?”

“Are you going to complain, or are you going to help?” I asked, putting a plate of broiled fish in his hands.

“Help, I guess.”

Despite his words he was still shacking his head when we got the table loaded with my exploits. Though I’d been careful to make some savory dishes of what Shisui called ‘actual food,’ most of what I created were the sweet things Itachi secretly loved but rarely allowed himself. In particular, sweet dumplings.

“ _Kami_ ,” my brother cursed, coming in. “What has been happening?”

“Your brother’s been cooking,” Shisui said with a shrug.

“You going to complain too?” I snapped, depositing a bowl of the dumplings in Itachi’s hands. “At least this is recognizable as food.”

My brother and his husband locked eyes a moment, then sat down. I did the same and made a growling attempt to talk to them.

Kami _dammit! Why!_

At least there was a light of pleasure in Itachi’s eyes. It lingered even when I begged off to my room after the meal. Though this may have had something to do with my letting Itachi play at his habit of poking me in the forehead. An aggravation I knew meant love, but rarely submitted to as I grew older.

As the night deepened about the house, I listened to my brother and Shisui make love and shed silent tears.

_Sorry, Itachi…_

It was Shisui’s day to cook next. With nothing else to do, and no way to relieve my gnawing need and insatiable desire, I took to the backyard to train with my sword. I was so lost in the movements and intent to kill, I did not hear Itachi’s approach until his sword met mine.

“Spar with me, Sasuke.”

There was something in his eyes, a light I hadn’t noted when he looked at me before. _You see me, Itachi._ He was looking at me as though I were steel. There was a hardness in his stare. _Like when you face an opponent._ Not a child.

I straightened up, my blade clicking in my hand, the polished stones on the leather bracelet I wore clicking-clacking together. “I won’t go easy on you, Itachi.” _Not this time,_ nisan _._

“Nor I on you, Sasuke.” My brother’s eyes went red, he shifted his stance and lowered his sword down to his side in position.

_You mean it, Itachi._ “Good.”

I followed him down into ready position, my movements slow, the light from the unshaded windows reflected off the flat of my blade. Then I let my own eyes spin red. _Come for me, brother._

Our clash was too fast, our following movements like liquid flashes of silver trialing our swords. Flick and flash and shudder of light intermixed with shivers of shadow where we parted to clash again. Our match did not last long. A collection of moves and I stepped around Itachi’s slash and slid into a strike leaving my blade at his throat.

“I have you, _nisan_.”

His eyes glittered, carrying that hardness. “So you have. When did you become so fast, Sasuke?”

“While you were chasing illusions with Kakashi, Itachi.”

“You two are way too tense,” Shisui said from the doorway, in his usual cross armed recline and a hilarious apron. A wooden spoon tapped lightly on his upper arm as he watched us thoughtfully. “Stop trying to out maneuver each other and come eat.”

Shisui’s food was far more than edible. It was decadent. I ate slowly, savoring it and the way Shisui had managed to tease Itachi’s laughter out.

_You don’t laugh enough, Itachi._

Another night, another attempt at sleep shredded apart by dark-shaded dreams. And it was Itachi’s turn to cook again. When I returned from the Academy, I could already smell his efforts. I stood in the entrance way, my hip swirled into the doorframe and my arms crossed in a mimic of Shisui as I watched my brother’s struggle.

“You’re going to ruin it.”

“What?”

Itachi started and turned, a smudge of something on his cheek.

_You’re beautiful, Itachi._

I shook my head, moving into the room, and shouldering him to the side. “You can’t cook, Itachi, let me help you.”

“There’s no need for that, Sasuke.”

I snorted. “I want to eat, dammit.”

Shisui found us like that, arguing but oddly not burning anything. “ _Kami_ fucking hell,” he said, stopping us both mid stride. “Yesterday you’re in the backyard, looking at each other like you’re going to cut each other apart, and today you’re in the kitchen nagging each other about how to cook.” Shisui threw his hands in the air. “I give. The whole house has gone nuts.”

Despite the hollow way down inside me, I couldn’t repress a snicker. And, as if my mirth had let it out, Itachi laughed and went to Shisui. He wrapped his arms around his husband and kissed him with a smile before pressing their foreheads together.

“Why don’t you come join us, Shisui?”

“You might be able to save the noodles,” I said, indicating them with a flash of wooden spoon. “I sure as hell can’t”

“There’s nothing wrong with them.”

I snorted again, gripping on the pain down in my hollow core. _Itachi… Never wanted to hurt you…_

I grew quieter as the night carried on, saying nothing at Itachi’s poke as I left the table. _Sorry, Itachi. This’ll be the last time…_

Alone in my room, I wondered if there was anything I should do, decided against it, and stripped down into nothing to sleep. Sleep would not come. I lay, naked on my stomach, with the moon light over me, wandering in thought.

_I can take it all._

Morning crept back to the world. My brother and Shisui were breathing softly across the wall when I excited the house out my window. _No catching me this time, Shisui._ I wanted time alone in the swelling light. Feeling the chill of the daybreak, inhaling the freshness, sounding the birds and insects come to life with the day.

_This. All of this is why._

I disregarded the Academy, just as I’d left everything behind in my room. No weapons, no school bag, no mementos, only myself and the clothes I wore. Slowly, but inexorably, my feet brought me to Neji’s house.

† † †

Orochimaru and Neji were both there. I let them have me. Kami _, oh_ kami _, I’ve needed this._ There were ropes again, but they did not bind me to the bed posts. They only lashed my hands behind my back and blinded my red, weeping eyes with a cloth.

“After all, you’re not going anywhere, are you, my little Uchiha?” Orochimaru said, sliding his hand down my back, raking his nails through my skin.

I moaned, back arching, bringing my head off the bed but forcing my stomach further down into it. I lay face down. Neji was between my legs, mouth on me, _kunai_ in the meat of my thigh. As I arched, Orochimaru laughed low and wrapped his fingers in my hair.

He held me up, shivering, letting me wonder a moment before his mouth came over mine and his tongue slid into my mouth.

_Hot… Wet… You taste like sun and rain water._

They cut my flesh and pummeled my body. Neji took me in my ass and Orochimaru would not let go my hair. And I swallowed it all, feeling I’d shake apart with the force of my yearning finally, _finally_ , being fulfilled.

_Oh, hell. Oh fuck. Thank you!_

Somewhere in the middle, somewhere when I’d lost track of my body, feeling I was coming apart at both ends, Orochimaru began talking to me. Drawing me back to focus on him in my solitary dark, despite the fact Neji still moved me from behind.

“You’ve had your time to consider, my lovely Uchiha. Now it’s time to answer my proposition.” He shifted his position on the bed, guiding my head down low, to hover just above the sheets.

_Blind._

Orochimaru sighed a laugh. A movement and his cock nuzzled against my lips. I started and flinched back slightly, as far as his hold on my hair would allow. _Don’t like being touched. How can I... Doesn’t matter. Done it before._ I eased forward without being prompted, letting my lips linger over the hot, moist member, my heaving breath washing it.

“We’ve already seen how much pain you’re willing to endure for your ideal of atonement.” Orochimaru pushed forward, pulling my head to him to meet his desire, hot and thick on my tongue. I convulsed between the two men using me, then settled back, mouth working, tears dampening my blindfold, as the amber eyed man continued speaking words I wanted to hear. “But it remains to be seen how much you would give for it. Your reputation, slight as it is, your place in Neo _Konoha_ , your family.” Each point a punctuation, marked by a thrust into my throat. “Would you die for it?”

_Hot! Salt!_

I swallowed, panting as he drew back, yanking my head upward.

“Would you give your life for it, Sasuke?”

_Neji!_

As if my thoughts had conjured him, Neji’s blade slid up my side, raising heat and blood. He still pushed at me from behind.

_Coming apart. Thank_ kami _._

“Yes.”

Orochimaru’s hand snaked about my neck, tightened on my throat, causing me to squirm. “I can’t hear you. Such a thing needs to be a proclamation, so it can never be doubted.”

“Yes! Shred me! Skin me! Kill me! I’ll do it!”

_I’ll take it all!_

“Good. I thought those might be your sentiments. In which case, I’ll give you what you want.”

The last words were close to my ear. When they were spoken, his teeth closed over my left shoulder. And I experienced the greatest pain I’d felt in my life until that moment.

Needles of _chakra_ invaded my skin, sinking and skittering down into muscle and bone and sinew. My body locked and contorted, and my throat closed over a shriek, turning it inward to play over and over in my mind.

_Give it to me!_

† † †

“Get your fucking hands off him!”

Though my informant had doubtless been quick, once he saw who it was my brother had gone to meet, by the time he returned to tell me the fact, and Shisui and I crossed Neo _Konoha_ to the Hyuga district, Sasuke was already naked and tied (Kami _, oh_ kami _, tied like that night, tied up just like that night!_ ) between the two men. I could not contain my outcry at the sight. No more than I could stop myself from banging the door against the wall and barging into the room, Shisui behind me.

My brother was twitching on the bed, but the young Hyuga did not seem to mind this. He slid from the bed to stand beside it, naked, but calm and defiant. “You have the wrong idea of what’s going on here, Uchiha.”

“I must agree,” Orochimaru added, wiping Sasuke’s blood from his mouth without bothering to move from his place by my brother’s head. “Sasuke came here of his own will.”

My eyes spun red, teeth clenched I crossed to the bed and looked down at Sasuke. _My Sasuke!_ They’d beat him. His side was cut open, as were his thighs. Kami _dammit!_ And scratches and bites covered him like topography. Yet, it was as though he sensed me above him. With effort he turned his face to me.

“Don’t, interfere, Itachi.”

With a grunt, I snatched a _kunai_ , wet with his blood, from off the bed and slashed through Sasuke’s bonds. Taking him in my arms, I turned my _Sharingan_ on Hyuga.

“If you ever lay a hand on my brother again, I will make you regret it.”

The flare of my gaze went to the snake-like man, still unmoved from his place on the bed. “I may not have the authority to arrest you now, but I assure you, I will get it if you come near Sasuke again.”

Neither made an answer. Turning my back on them I cradled my brother to my chest and carried him away. Kami _! He’s so light, so limp._

“Itachi…”

My name from his lips stopped me at the door. I looked down at him, his eyes still covered by a blindfold wet with sweat and blood and tears. My heart cut open and I nuzzled my face in his hair.

“Everything is going to be alright, Sasuke.”

Shisui followed me out. He stayed at my side until we reached our home, and helped me wash and heal Sasuke before easing him into his bed, more weak and worn than hurt any longer. Only then did Shisui stalk out, tense and fuming.

I followed him, heart sinking.

“Shisui.”

My husband stormed into our room, before turning around and throwing his hands in the air. “I’m so fucking pissed I’d punch you if I didn’t love you,” he snapped, jabbing me in the chest. “I told you to talk to him, Itachi. And what do you do, you send an informant to follow him! Do you have any idea what you’ve done, Blackbird?”

“You saw what they did to him!”

“Fuck! Bloody fucking hell, yes, I saw what they did to him!” Shisui’s eyes were aflame and I took a step back. _When did I last see your eyes burn with the_ Sharingan _, Shisui?_ “I also heard your informant confirm what Orochimaru said; Sasuke went there on his own.” He trod a few feet closer to me, impelling me to retreat toward our bed. “And I heard your brother himself tell you not to interfere!” _Except in love making, your eyes have not been red since that night._

“So, I should just ignore this! Allow them to go on brutalizing Sasuke! He’s my brother!”

Shisui gripped his hair, as if he’d tear it out. “Fuck! Shit! No, you shouldn’t ignore this! What?! You think I liked seeing you carry him home like that?! Dammit to hell, Blackbird! I let my own family die, so I could get to the two of you in time!”

The force of the words, and the unutterable pain wracking over Shisui’s face, drove me back until my legs fetched up against the bed. Shisui followed.

“The last thing I want is to see him bleed! But what we just did, Itachi… _Kami_! You needed to talk to him! You needed to find out _why_ he _wanted_ to do those things! Now everything’s a mess!”

A grinding sadness woke like the ignition of a candle in my chest. “Can you ever forgive me, Shisui?” _You lost everything for me…_

“I’m not the one whose forgiveness you need to be concerned with!” He stabbed a finger at the wall. “It’s his forgiveness you need to be worried about! Will _he_ ever forgive _you_!”

My legs gave way and I sagged to the bed, tears streaming down my face. I wrapped an arm around my face to hide them in the crock of my arm. “I don’t deserve his forgiveness!”

Shisui’s voice dropped out of anger into incredulity. “What?”

“I couldn’t talk to him. I failed to protect him that night, just as I haven’t been able to protect him now. I don’t deserve his forgiveness or understanding.”

Shisui groaned. “How did I end up stuck with you two hardheaded, morons?” He dropped onto the bed beside me and took me in his arms. With gentle hands and tender movements, he pushed my arm away from my face and wiped at my tears.

“This doesn’t mean I’m not still pissed at you.”

I ignored the words. Unable to contain the grief, I sank against him, weeping furiously.

Shisui sighed. Letting me rest pressed to him, he spoke soft. “You didn’t fail your brother eight years ago, Itachi. If it weren’t for you doing what you did, you both would have been dead before I could get to you. And, you haven’t failed him now, either. You’re both still alive, so you still have a chance to make things right. But you’re going to have to get over this idea you’re unworthy of that. Sasuke loves you, Itachi. You have to trust that. You have to trust _him_. And you have to _talk_ to him.”

I wanted to respond, but my voice was too heavy from weeping. Shisui shushed my attempt at speech and put a hand to my hair. He worked the tie out of it, then stroked the fall of its length down my back.

“Everything’s going to be alright, Blackbird.”

† † †

My body was wracked with shaking and fever. Though I knew I was sweating and burning up under the bedcovers, I felt I was freezing and curled unto my side in a ball for warmth. The place where Orochimaru had bitten me throbbed, throbbed with painful _chakra_ like needles and fangs and venom. Scrolling _tomoe_ marks unspooled from my shoulder, down my out-flung arm, to my wrist. I could feel them crawling up my neck and over my face. They made my skin cringe and flinch like the wings of strange insects beating against it. Even in my near delirium, a clear thought came through. _Curse Mark._

Followed by, _Alone. I’m alone._

My left hand clutched spasmodically at the coverlet. I felt tears leak out over my flaming skin, cool against it.

“I-itachi…”

_Shisui!_

_I don’t want to be alone._

_It… Hurts…_

Pain.

The reality of it, alive in me, made another name touch at my lips.

“N-neji…”

And, as if be some miracle, his hand was in mine, a cool comfort.

“I’m here, Sasuke.”

_First name. Why?_

“N-neji…”

I stretched for him. He leaned on my bed, my hand grasped in his, behind him Orochimaru and, beyond them both, my window was open. Its panes thrown back into the night and moon light flipping over the curtains.

“We’ve come to take you with us,” Orochimaru said, pushing back my blankets and lifting me in his arms.

_Yes._

He carried me, close against his warm chest, and Neji was beside me. A soft lock of Orochimaru’s hair, smooth as satin and silk, fell over his shoulder to brush my face. It smelled of good earth and sweetness. I wanted to reach out to feel it, but my body betrayed me, twisting in his arms, as I panted after breath.

“I know, my sweet Uchiha,” Orochimaru soothed. “It is painful now, but when that passes you will thank me for the application of my _Ten no Juin_. You will have need of Heaven’s Curse Mark.”

We were at the window and the night opened out around me, like the space between one thing and another. One day and the next. Like the hole opening in my heart.

_I’m sorry, Itachi._

My _chakra_ uncurled and pulsed. A single heartbeat. Like a farewell reaching out for him.

† † †

Shisui was still holding me, stroking my hair while my weeping wound down to hitched breath and damp swollen face, and little shudders. Still holding me while I settled into the mold of him, like calm earth after a landslide, gasping in his scent and gripping his hands as I came back to myself and to the reality of my actions. He was still holding me kindly when the pulse of _chakra_ touched us, rippling around us like a sigh, familiar ( _I have known this_ chakra _since before his birth_ ) and calm, and dissolving, vanishing. Wicking out. A lost star.

“Sasuke!” Kami _! No!_

We both moved as one, argument and comfort forgotten. Not men, or lovers, only _Shinobi_ , reacting as we had been trained.

_His_ chakra _is gone!_

We flashed out of our bedroom door together, but Shisui was faster than I was, _the Body Flicker_ , and was in Sasuke’s doorway before I could cross the distance. He stopped there, stark still, so I had to push past him to see.

The bedcovers were folded back, and the bed empty. All the room was soft and still, except the curtains fluttering in the subtle night air and the window pane swinging back and forth. A faint smell I recognized from Hyuga’s room, earthen and floral ( _Orochimaru!_ ) lingered, nothing more.

“They’ve taken him…” My heart ripped at the words, some part of me going numb as they whispered off my lips.

_Sasuke! Not my Sasuke!_

I moved to the window without a thought, simple need propelling me, my hands on the frame, my loose hair slipping into the breeze to blend with the dark air, as I leaned out. The night was bare, hiding any trace of where my brother had gone, but I didn’t care. Only Shisui’s arms about my chest held me back from diving, heedless, into the dark after him.

“Fuck it! He’s gone, Itachi!”

_No!_

Struggling to throw him off, my hand stretched out into the moonlight and shadows, long and slender and pale, grasping after phantoms. “Sasuke!”


	3. The Ame Orphans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for Shiro_suzu2002 because your comments really do make my day, and give me a lot of motivation to keep writing. Thank you for making this otaku feel like they're doing a good job. I hope I don't disappoint.
> 
> I am so sorry this chapter is this late in coming. The author was experiencing technical difficulties... And chapter creep. "glares at shadowy corner where the muse resides, wielding his wicked grin" My bastard of a muse decided the chapter needed more content than I originally planned. So, now we have more chapters coming... Fingers crossed for the next one being done sooner than this one was...
> 
> Waking up is harder  
> Than it seems  
> Wandering through these empty rooms of  
> Dusty books and quiet dreams  
> Pictures on a mantel  
> Speak your name  
> Softly like forgotten tunes just  
> Outside the sound of pain
> 
> Change will come to those who  
> Have no fear...  
> And now you've seen my world in flames my  
> Shadow songs my deep regrets
> 
> Weren't we like a pair of thieves  
> With tumbled locks and broken codes  
> You cannot take that from me  
> My small reprieves your heart of gold  
> Weren't we like a battlefield  
> Locked inside a holy war  
> Your love and my due diligence  
> The only thing worth fighting for
> 
> [Lera Lynn - The Only Thing Worth Fighting For](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjg43nzSYck)

I came back to myself for the second time, in the dark of our bedroom, laid on my side on our bed, with Shisui near me. It was dim, but the light filtering in the windows from the security lamps out on the street offered just enough illumination to outline Shisui. He sat on the edge of our bed, forearms braced on his legs, hands dangling between his knees, shoulders slumped, head hanging. The shadow-light cast his profile in soft lines. His face was wet.

The sight of his tears snapped another ragged portion of my heart. _My Shisui. I’ve never seen you cry, Shisui._

I pushed myself up, pressing a hand to my throbbing head. “He is gone, isn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Shisui said, unmoving, voice low but steady, despite the tears. “And, we’re in trouble, Itachi. We’re in a lot of trouble.”

My husband remained still as I moved to the edge of the bed to sit by him, my legs slipping off the mattress to the floor. “My brother has abandoned the village and become a Missing _Nin_.” The words choked me, and I wept again. Softly and without the sobs, which had wracked me earlier. Shisui did not comfort me this time, sensing I needed the moment to myself to shed these tears alone as I had needed to do for my parents.

Only when I was through did he speak again, tone hard.

“It’s more than his abandoning the village, Blackbird, it’s where he’s gone and who he’s gone with.”

“Orochimaru,” I said, wiping my face.

Shisui gave me a curt nod. “The man might not have direct ties with the _Akatsuki_ any more, or be an actively pursued criminal, but that’s not going to matter. Not with Sasuke being an Uchiha.”

A turning sickness rolled over me, forcing me to lock my teeth against it. “Sasuke would never join the _Akatsuki_! He is not Madara!”

“That’s my Blackbird.” The tone of the words did not change from the hard notes of his first statements, but the endearment and _meaning_ of the words made me focus on my partner, something steely and sharp waking in me. _You are speaking to me as though we’re on the battlefield, Shisui. As you would to a_ shinobi _and not a lover._ I studied him as he sat there, still in his hunch over his knees, his hands loose between his thighs, his eyes spinning red into the _Mangekyō Sharingan_ , and he saw the intensity of my scrutiny. The thing he had wanted to see, it seemed.

“You sure about that, Itachi? You’re going to have to be sure if we’re going to survive this.”

_We are in danger. Oh, Sasuke._ I shut my eyes, a memory swimming up to meet me out of the past. A day in autumn, all the leaves on the trees as red as the _kekki genkai_ of Sasuke’s eyes, the red he couldn’t repress yet. Sasuke’s hand in mine, _so small_ , as we walked toward the Academy together.

“Will you be alright, Sasuke?”

He glanced up at me, face somber, the scars on his wrists from that night only lately healed. “They’ll teach me how to be a _shinobi_ and protect the village here?”

“Yes, Sasuke.”

He turned those weeping, red eyes on the Academy. “Than I’ll be alright. I’m going to become the strongest _shinobi_ in all Neo _Konoha_ , stronger than you, _nisan_ , so the village never needs to be afraid again.”

The memory cut me, searing at my tattered heart. “You told me I had to trust in Sasuke, Shisui. I am choosing to do that. Sasuke would not betray the village.”

“No. He wouldn’t.”

I met my husband’s eyes. _You want something of me, Shisui. What is it you know?_ “But I still do not understand. Why would he do this, Shisui?”

“ _Why_ is just the question you need to be asking. There’s something wrong here, Itachi. Something very wrong.” Shisui shifted at last, sitting upright. “I’ve come up against too many _whys_ to be comfortable with them anymore.”

“Shisui-”

He shook his head to stop me. “Before we answer the _whys_ , I need you to answer the _what_. We’ve just become the family of a traitor. What are we going to do, Itachi?”

_Traitor._

The word pushed a spike of cold dread through me, dispelling my previous sickness. My jagged heart tore a little more, as the implications and possibilities slid through me. But there were more than mere conjectures. _You are leading me somewhere, Shisui. Toward that thing you know._

I found my hands shaking. Not with fear, but with that cold sliding through me. I wrapped them around our tangled bed clothes in a shuddering desperation to hide it. When I spoke, my voice was low, measured.

“No one knows where Sasuke has gone, or who he has gone with. The first thing we should do, is pretend we also know nothing.”

Another jerk of his chin was Shisui’s acknowledgement. “Yeah, that’d be the first thing we would do. Except there’s one thing you need to consider, Blackbird. We _aren’t_ the only ones who know what Sasuke’s done. How well do you trust your informant, Itachi?”

The inscrutable bear mask of my unmoving informant, so lately kneeling at the foot of the bed I shared with Shisui, swam up before my eyes. I clenched my hands harder around our sheets to dispel it. “Until this moment, I would have said I trusted him implicitly. He is my subordinate, Shisui.”

_Even though I have never seen his face…_

“Your subordinate,” Shisui said, as if echoing my doubtful thought. “You’re both Danzō’s subordinates.”

_Danzō. Oh,_ kami _._

The intensity of my superior’s single, dark eye, looking out from his half-bandaged face, broke whatever restraints were holding me together. Uncaring whether Shisui saw their shaking or not, I let go the bed covers and hid my face in my hands. “What have I done, Shisui?”

“You’ve been acting like a _kami_ damned idiot, Itachi. Doesn’t mean I love you any less.”

I looked up at him with wet, weary eyes, and my partner sighed.

“Let’s leave the fact of your informant for now, Itachi. Even if he is loyal, our secret isn’t going to stay secret for long. Bad news has a way of traveling to the worst ears. Other than keep quiet, what are we going to do?”

I let my hands lay in my lap, palms up, soft despite their familiarity with blades. _My hands will never be like yours, Shisui…_ “You could speak to the _Hokage_. You are one of Lord Minato’s personal _Anbu_ , surely he trusts you.”

“Yeah.” Shisui let his red eyes fall to the floor, and I watched him sitting there, hands resting on knees. After a moment, he wracked those hands through his short hair, mussing it up around his head in a wild mane, something heartbroken crossing his face. “I could talk to Minato- _sama_ , but it wouldn’t do us any good, Itachi.”

“What do you mean?”

Another sigh. “Minato lost his wife and newborn son in the Nine Tails’ attack, you know. What isn’t so widely spread around the village is the fact Minato sealed the Nine Tails inside himself with the Reaper Death Seal.”

My hands twitched in my lap, spasming in frightful premonition of another defense pulled away.

“Minato- _sama’s_ wife was the _Jinchūriki_. When she died, there was no where else to seal the Nine Tails. Rather than let it rampage, the _Hokage_ did what he felt was his duty, and took it into himself. But he hasn’t been the same since. He hasn’t even spoken since then. Not that we in his _Anbu_ have let on to the fact.”

If I had not been sitting, I would have fallen. A startling weakness pervaded my limbs. It felt as though the Nine Tails’ attack was crashing in around me again. _Only you are not with me this time, Sasuke. Oh, Sasuke!_

Yet, for all of it, my voice did not tremble when I spoke. “Then, who has been acting as _Hokage_ these last eight years, Shisui?”

“Nawaki Senju, Lady Tsunade’s younger brother.” He watched me as he said it. Appraising. Eyes still red with that painful glow.

“Nawaki Senju. Why would the _Hokage’s_ personal _Anbu_ allow such a man to hold power over the village?” _This is the question you want me to ask, isn’t it? This is another of your_ whys _._

“Because he’s the grandson of the first _Hokage_. And because, despite what his sister’s been accused of, Nawaki has been nothing but loyal to Neo _Konoha_.” A pause. “But, that’s the thing, Itachi. Throughout everything, Nawaki has done nothing but maintain his sister’s innocence. He’s been no more able to believe his sister would betray the village than you are to believe it of Sasuke.”

Shisui braced his elbows on his thighs and laced his fingers together under his burning eyes. “That’s just the thing. Have you never thought of it, Itachi? Have you never stopped to consider who the _Densetsu no Sannin_ were? Lady Tsunade, the granddaughter of the first _Hokage_ , and the only woman ever to be offered the position of _Hokage_ , only to refuse it because she didn’t want that kind of power over the village. Jiraiya, the Toad Sage, the only man of Neo _Konoha_ to acquire the rank of sage since the time of the Sage of Six Paths, the man who defended Neo _Konoha_ honorably through three wars, while writing smutty tales of heroism and comradery. And Orochimaru. Our generation’s father of _chakra_ research, the man who fought beside Tsunade and Jiraiya through all three of those same wars, the man respected enough to be offered leadership of the Foundation and the _Anbu_ , just to refuse it as Tsunade refused the offer of _Hokage,_ and for the same reason. And, all three of them the students of Hiruzen alongside Minato.

“Why would _Konoha’s_ Legendary _Sannin_ betray the village, Itachi? Not one of the people who knew them personally thought them capable of it. Especially Hiruzen.”

Nostrils flaring, all my breath escaped me, and I found I had to wrap my hands around our bed sheets again. “You don’t believe the Three Legendary Ninja betrayed the Village.”

He met my eyes, face serious, set. “No. I don’t. And neither did Hiruzen. It’s been easy for people to assume when Lord Third went to confront his students, he left me in Neo _Konoha_ because of the Uchiha slaughter, but that’s not true. The night he left, Hiruzen came to me. He told me he was going to go find his students and find out the truth. And, if he didn’t come back, I had to keep my eyes open and find out the truth myself. That’s what I’ve been doing these last eight years. Only not fast enough. All I’ve found are _whys_. A tangled mass of whys, and now Sasuke’s a part of it.

“Shit!” Shisui passed his hands through his hair again. “Your brother found out the truth before me, and now he’s left, just like the _Sannin_. If anyone’s failed to protect him, it’s me.”

The misery on his face left me hurting and wanting only to comfort him, without regard for my own swirling emotions. I released my strangle hold on our sheets and reached out for him. “You haven’t failed either of us, Shisui. We’re alive because of you.”

_Love you, Shisui._

He let me take his hand, lacing his fingers through mine, but the pained expression did not change.

“We’ll see, Blackbird.” He shook his head. “There’s still one more question you haven’t asked, though. Still one more _why_ you need to consider.”

_Your eyes are bleeding, Shisui…_

“Why would Madara betray the village?”

I started. I felt my heart turn over as everything I thought I knew shattered apart. “You’re saying Madara didn’t set the Nine Tails on Neo _Konoha_?”

Shisui turned to more fully face me, the pain in his features dropping off into intent. “I’m asking why he would. You may have been too young to know Madara, Blackbird, but I wasn’t. I worked under him in the Neo _Konoha_ Police Force before I joined the _Anbu_. And there is no way the man I knew would ever turn the _Kyuubi_ on the village.

“He was stern, true, but I’ve never known a kinder man. For Madara, everything was for his brothers, or the clan or the village. He was head of the internal police force, he didn’t need to go to war, but he still left the village in the hands of his next eldest brother and went to fight along with the _Sannin_ because he felt it was his duty to protect his family and clan. To be honest, you remind me of him, Itachi. The way you are with Sasuke is just how Madara was with his brothers.”

My husband gaged me, his deep intent never slipping. “His brothers died in the Nine Tails’ attack. They were part of the Police Force patrol on duty that night, on a schedule set up by Madara. He would have known they’d be in danger if he released the Nine Tails. Would you take such a risk with Sasuke?”

“I would rather die.”

_Where are you, Sasuke! It’s all coming apart._

Shisui gave me a curt nod. We sat together in the dark, until I found the voice to let out the words rising in me. “But, if Madara did not set the _Kyuubi_ on Neo _Konoha_ , who did?”

“That is what I want to know, Itachi.” Shisui’s words were slow, and his red eyes hot, burning for me to say the rest.

I was shuddering with it.

“It was the Foundation who accused Madara of the attack, the Foundation who took charge of the protection of the Uchiha afterward, and the Foundation the _Sannin_ attacked…”

“And the Foundation Hiruzen told me to watch,” Shisui finished.

My breath escaped me in a rush yet again. “Oh, _kami_. What are we going to do, Shisui?”

He tightened his hand on mine. “We’re going to survive, Blackbird. And we’re going to start by assuming your informant will keep his mouth shut. Under that assumption, we’re going to keep quiet and keep calm, while I find out what the Foundation is hiding.”

I returned the pressure of his hand. “I will help you.”

“Like hell you will! You’re going to do nothing but continue working with that Hatake to track down the _Akatsuki_.”

“Shisui-”

He shook his head, silencing me. “Don’t even think about it, Itachi. I’m one of Minato’s personal _Anbu_ , if I get caught, that’ll protect me, at least enough for them to deal with me out in the open through a public trial. But if they find you looking into things they’d rather have covered up, you know what they’ll do. You know better than anyone.

“I’ve lost so much, Blackbird. I couldn’t take it if I came home one day to find you’d disappeared without a trace.”

The pain and fear on his face squeezed my heart. _My Shisui._ With the hand I held in mine, I pulled him to me, taking him in my arms.

“You will not lose me, Shisui. I swear it.”

_We will find Sasuke, and we will be together again._

† † †

I wandered in near delirium, which gave way to natural sleep when I was so worn and close to breaking, I could still feel my exhaustion in my dreams. _Sorry Itachi, Shisui… Had to…_ I woke numerous times, only to drop into sleep again in a breath, leaving me with fragmented memories of night sky and flickering lights passing over car windows and Neji at my side, hand woven around mine, and rocking movement lulling me to forget until I could regain full consciousness.

This came to me with a stunning ache in my shoulder after an indefinable time. I thought the arm might be dead, but my hand still moved with sluggish disapproval. This worry alleviated, I attempted to take stock of where I found myself. The car was gone, replaced with a bedroom made of stone, lit by low, mellow lights like phosphorescent funguses, high up on the walls. What furniture I could see was heavy wood, contorted into shape, as if with _getsu_ by someone with more time than talent. Unfortunately, I could see little of the room due to _how_ I found myself.

I lay on my side with Neji wrapped around me from behind, his face pressed into my neck, his long hair falling over me in loose cascades, his breath tickling my skin, and his arm draped over my chest possessively. Directly in front of my face, Orochimaru lay on his back, breathing soft, narrowing my view, so all I could see was dictated by the position my two partners had me in. A position I had never expected to find myself in. One which was soft and comfortable between the two men I begged to hurt me. I was both reluctant and eager to move and alert them to my waking.

_You’re both my heaven. I’d go through hell with you._

My deliberation was pointless. As if sensing the change in my breathing, Orochimaru opened his eyes and smiled at me. “My Uchiha,” he cooed, waking Neji.

I felt him stir, then sit up to look at me. “You’re really awake this time, Uchiha.”

I nodded affirmation against the pillow. “How long?” I managed through a dry throat.

“About two days,” Orochimaru said, as Neji slid off the bed to fill a glass with water. “Really rather good for someone receiving my _Ten no Juin_.”

Following his words, Orochimaru chuckled, noting how I couldn’t take my eyes from off Neji, who was returning with the water. Neji was naked. _Oh_ kami _, you’re beautiful, Neji._

“Something on your mind already,” the older man muttered into my ear, as he eased me up into a sitting position before allowing Neji to hold the water out to me.

“We should shower,” Neji’s face was stoic beneath his white _Byakugan_. “We’ll be expected.”

“No reason we can’t do both,” Orochimaru’s smile sent shivers through me, even while he slid from the bed. “Though, our Uchiha might have to content himself with something more restrained until his _chakra_ levels return to normal.”

Neji made a noncommittal sound and helped me from the bed.

The shower was in a small bathroom off the main room, and more than adequate for Orochimaru’s purposes. Practically a room itself, where the water rained down on us from all sides. He was right as well. What followed was far tamer than I would have liked, going back to nothing more than hands and nails and teeth. Yet, it was easy for them to inflect pain. All they needed to do was touch my aching shoulder. The cursemark had the feeling of a new tattoo, raw and open, like a burn.

They both took me, doing what they liked, and I let them. I was panting and my legs shaking, with blood and water running off them, before they were half done, despite their “tame” ministrations (further proving Orochimaru right, _Fuck!_ ), my mind sinking down into some hazy place where my thoughts twisted up. _Wreck me gently, Neji…_

Yet, I liked best what came after they were through with me, when Orochimaru kissed me on the mouth and commanded me to wash, before turning his full attention on Neji. Pushing him up against the wall and holding his twitching hands high above his head. I couldn’t take my eyes away. Neji watched me as he came, _Byakugan_ active, as if asking if I liked what I saw.

It was obvious I did. I required them both again when they finished, much to Orochimaru’s laughing pleasure and Neji’s annoyed admonishment it was pointless to shower if this was how we were going to do it. Somehow, we did wash though. And when we were dry, my partners had fresh clothes and even a sword for me.

“Your weapon of choice, I gather,” Orochimaru said, handing it to me.

Then it was light food and waiting on our host. I played with the polished stones on my leather bracelet as the moments ticked by, remembering the day Shisui had taken Itachi and I out of Neo _Konoha_ to make it. Sitting by a stream with Shisui and Itachi, the fall leaves a bloody riot around us. Each of us selecting stones for our own bracelets, threading them with the leather under Shisui’s callused hands and careful instruction. One for family and clan lost, one for Shisui, one for Itachi, one for Sasuke, one for _Konoha_ to be protected.

_One for_ Konoha _._

_I’m sorry, Itachi…_

I had my pinky looped around that last stone when the knock at last came at the door. My eyes flashed up to see who Neji let in, but they were not who I expected. Two people in black cloaks, decorated with red clouds. At the front, a woman with the flesh beneath her lower lip pierced, dark blue hair, and piercing, red-amber eyes in a still, sad face. She had an _origami_ flower in her hair and an air of unreachable beauty. Behind her, a man with orange hair, three dark rods through his nose, two in the base of his bottom lip, and multiple in either ear. His face was blank, but it was his eyes which captured. Purple and black, the concentric circles within them shrinking ever inward.

_Rinnegan!_

The thought shrieked through me, but there was little time to ponder it. Orochimaru moved to greet the two. Or, the woman. He took her hands in his in a way far different than I’d ever seen from him before.

“Ah, Konan,” he breathed. “You are lovelier every time I see you.”

“It’s good to see you again as well, _Otosan_.” The words were measured, but not lacking in tenderness.

Kami _dammit!_

“I thought we were here to meet with the leader of the _Akatsuki_ ,” I growled.

Orochimaru chuckled. “So we are. Jealous much, my lovely Uchiha?”

_Fuck!_

I clutched at the bedcovers, but said nothing, face as controlled as I could make it. Orochimaru took my silence in stride.

“Before we meet our host, allow me to introduce my daughter, Konan, the Angel of the _Akatsuki_. And my son, Yahiko.”

My heart dropped and stuttered, my eyes flicking between the two. “Your children.” It was a hard thing to align with my image of the older man, much less with what I saw before me. Neither of the two looked anything alike, or the least resembled the man I took for my partner.

“His adoptive children,” the one with the _Rinnegan_ intoned, the voice deeper than I would have expected. “There is much to be explained, but you will hear of this as well.” Those fearsome eyes scanned around. “Come.”

The two _Akatsuki_ led us in silence. Indeed, the whole of the Red Sun’s lair seemed silent. Underground as it was, it offered the aspect of a tomb. I saw several other members in black and red cloaks (a gray shark-like man, a large scythe carrying individual, with silver hair and a wicked grin, a hunched shape, mostly hidden in the shadows of his cloak), but none spoke to us, only offering difference to the two guiding us.

These indefinable two brought us to a set of double doors, where Konan paused. “Are you sure about this?” she asked, eyes on her brother. “We can wait until you are stronger.”

Yahiko put a hand on her shoulder. “There is no more time for waiting, and no time when I’ll be stronger, Konan.”

Her eyes dropped. “Only, be careful. Don’t over exert yourself.” With the words, she pushed the doors open, turning her needle-sharp gaze on me. “Who you want to see is here.”

_What is this?_

A warning pulsed in me, but neither Neji or Orochimaru seemed concerned. The two other men went in, leaving me to follow, jaw set.

The room was dimmer than the rest, as if to accommodate sensitive eyes, so at first it was hard to see anything. When my eyes adjusted, I took in a wide, bare room centered around an odd construction. A strange, blocky seat raised around its occupant’s legs and forearms, as if to restrain him. But why anyone would want, much less need, to restrain such a pitiable creature seemed unthinkable. His flaring red hair was the one bright spark about him. His skin was darkened and shallow, stretched taunt over the protruding bones beneath. His head hung low on a neck, which appeared almost too weak to support it, and his raspy breathing permeated the chamber. The whole of him looked like a living corpse, but his voice was deep when it came, knocking me out of my stark appraisal.

“I, am Pain.”

Neji stopped beside me, head lowered in a form of respect, and Yahiko drifted away to stand beside another form, slouched at the side of the room, but Konan and Orochimaru went on. Konan took up a position at the emancipated man’s left, a protective guardian. Not Orochimaru, though. The man whose hands hurt me so exquisitely, reached to embrace the ravaged body with the utmost gentleness.

“Nagato,” he breathed into the red hair.

“ _Otosan_ ,” the wreck returned, leaning into the older man, lines of tears wetting his face.

_What’s going on, Neji!_

I wanted to shout it, but Orochimaru broke the tableau before I could even glance at Neji, letting go of the ruin of a man to turn back to me.

“This is the last of my children, Nagato Uzumaki, the leader of the _Akatsuki_.

_Fuck!_

“I thought Madara was the leader of the _Akatsuki_ ,” the words came out calmer than my spinning, internal aggravation made me think possible. _This is not what I was prepared for!_

“So the Foundation claimed,” Nagato rumbled, raising his head with effort, so I found myself looking into another pair of _Rinnegan_. Kami _! Hell! Fuck! Shit!_ “And so, we have maintained, as a broken man is no fit figurehead, but,” the slouched figure beside Yahiko stood, and the two glided soundlessly to pause near Konan, “both Madara and Yahiko have been dead since before the Nine Tails’ attack.”

The maelstrom of my expectations and unease turned a final time and shattered. I could feel the pressure building in my eyes, and I didn’t fight it, letting them spin red.

Beside Yahiko was a large man, dressed in dark armor. His hair was long and raven black, and I could see by his features he had been an Uchiha. _Madara, oh hell._ His eyes were purple and black with the _Rinnegan_ , but not a third set. _They’re all the same. All his eyes._

“Puppets,” I said, _Sharingan_ dancing between the two dead men.

“In a way,” Nagato said, voice resounding in defiance of his frailty, “though, I do not think of them as such. Come, Uchiha,” his eyes held me. _Who are you?_ “I asked _Otosan_ to tell you what you needed to hear, but I wished to tell you of Madara, the _Akatsuki_ , and the destruction of your clan.”

“Why?” _What is it you want?_

“To awaken your _Mangekyō_ with truth. If you are to survive, you must be as powerful as you are capable of becoming. Will you listen?”

“Yes.”

“Then come. Sit.”

With a grunt, I paced forward to sit cross-legged at the bass of his enclosed chair. Seated this way, Nagato was able to look at me without the need to hold up his head. I attempted to regard him with a set face, showing little of the pity and revulsion blending through me. It didn’t matter. His _Rinnegan_ saw through me.

“We all suffer to accomplish the thing we desire. What are you willing to suffer, Uchiha?”

My fingers clutched at my knees. Neji was beside me, his eyes on me, and I straightened under his white gaze. _You know my answer, Neji._ “Anything.”

The man who named himself Pain closed his purple and black eyes a moment. “Then let me tell you of Madara. To do so, I must begin with myself.”

† † †

_I was born in_ Amegakure no Sato _, the Village Hidden by Rain, an unfortunate place situated between three waring nations and covered perpetually by rain. Two wars swept over the land before I reached my eighth year._

_The second of these wars reached such a height, my parents took refuge in a house my mother owned in the country. Their thought to hide away from_ Amegakure _and all inhabited places and so avoid the worst of the enemy_ shinobi _and the fighting. A foolish and fleeting hope._

_I remember most the rain. The house was always quiet apart from it. The falling water hissed about the eaves and sighed outside the shutters. It rushed over the roof and my face when I dared sneak outside onto the porch to stand, hanging on the door, gripping the handle, my face raised to the overcast sky. Alone, I imagined the rain a constant friend, a covering to hide us from danger. It was all that lulled me to sleep at night._

_But it was no protection._

_I was curled on my bed, hands tucked beneath my chin and legs to my chest when they came. The muted thud of the door being forced open woke me from uneasy sleep. I made a little sound and pushed hair from my face, at first unaware of what had woken me. The crashing noise of the rain drowned all else. Yet, I could not stop my heart from pounding._

_With shaking legs, I slid from my bed, and slunk to my bedroom door in the darkness. The hinges were silent. I peered out through the slightest crack with one frightened eye. The main room was lit dimly by the flickering candles my mother allowed. In their dancing light, and the mingling shadow play, figures contorted in struggle._

_My eye widened and my breath became labored through heavy lungs. Blood fanned in arcs from slicing blades. With the smallest of strangled cries, I ran from the door and wiggled my way under my bed._

_I lay there, heart pounding with the rain, for a time which seemed long, but could not have been moments. My cry had betrayed me._

_One of the_ shinobi _pushed open my door, letting in a pool of dying light and his shadow. He padded forward across my floor, while I tried not to breathe._

Don’t see me! I’m not here!

_But he did see me. Whether it was the pounding of my pulse or my ragged, stifled breath, he rummaged about my room for several moments, knocking things to the floor, then he knelt and bent to peer under my bed._

_“Well, hello there,” he said with a smile, heard but not seen, the man being little but back-lit silhouette. He reached out, grabbed me by the fabric of my shirt, and hauled me out from under the bed. I tried to resist, but he only lifted me off my feet to choke at the end of his arm. Even when I clawed at the flesh of my tormentor, he only chuckled and carried me from the room to toss down in the main room at the feet of his companions._

_“Look what I found. A little one.”_

_Laughter rippled around._

_“Is it a girl?” one asked._

_“A boy, I think,” the one who found me returned._

_“Hard to tell with all that hair hanging in his face,” the third commented._

_“Doesn’t matter,” the one who pulled me from my room grunted, coming toward me._

_I wanted to scream there, on my hands and knees, but all I could do was shake and stare through my hair. My parents’ blood was thick and viscous between my splayed fingers. They lay, crumpled like broken marionettes with their strings cut, their throats gaping wide, their stomachs torn open, their limbs askew._

_Little, bleating, mewing noises were escaping me when the_ shinobi _grasped my hair, hoisting me up to my knees. Crying out, my eyes watering with pain tears, I dug at his hands with my bloodied nails._

_“Fucking brat,” the man grunted, whipping me around, and cracking a hand across my face._

_Tasting my own blood, I went slack in his hold._ Otosan, Okasan… _Tears ran and dripped, but the_ shinobi _had no mercy. He hooked his fingers in my pants and pulled them away, then pinned me to the ground with his weight._

_His strength terrified me, as the pressure forced the air out of me. It was easy to realize the man could break me with no effort. I lie still under him, too afraid to move or resist further, already feeling my bones cracking under his hands should I dare move. Every breath was a hitch in my lungs._

_Seeming satisfied with my submission, the_ shinobi _pushed up off me slightly. There was the sound of cloth brushed aside and his fingers dug at my backside, prying me apart. Something blunt and warm nudged up against me, then speared down inside me._

_My whole body spasmed. I felt ripping and tearing, as warm wetness bloomed to drip down my shaking thighs. And, at last, I screamed, a long, rising keen, going on and on._

_“Shut up!” he snarled in my ear. “I don’t want to listen to that shit!”_

_The_ snick _of metal, and a_ kunai _drew a hot slash across my back from left shoulder to right hip. I went silent, wrapping my left arm around my face to stifle even my heavy breaths. I remained silent even when he canted my hips upward with rough hands so he could reach around me to tug at me, remained silent even when I need sink my teeth in my own arm to keep from screaming._

Make it stop! I just want it to stop!

_But it didn’t stop until they’d all had me, once and again, until they thought I was dead on the floor. Eyes glazed, lips dripping blood and their white cum, body cooling. I don’t know how long I lie there, staring with unblinking, half-lidded eyes at my parents’ congealing blood, I don’t even remember what I did or how I came to leave that place, wandering out into the falling rain._

_I only know, when I woke, I begged the rain to wash me clean._

† † †

_Four days, Sasuke has been gone four days._

The thought chased senseless loops through my mind, as I stared unseeing at my computer screen. The first day, I had returned to my _Anbu_ duties at the Foundation, as per my scheduled assignment, and Shisui and I played it mostly silent, only casually letting slip it was not like Sasuke to stay out all night. The second day Sasuke’s absence was known all over _Konoha_ , and we were forced to report my brother missing. By the third day, Shisui was proved right, our secret not remaining hidden long, and rumors of defection to the Hidden Sound spread rampant through the village. My only salvation in our charade, I had no need to feign distressed disbelief.

_Where are you, Sasuke!_

Throughout the days, Shisui returned home later and later, as he worked to unravel the truth, leaving me alone in our house with a pit of terrified dread in my stomach. _Be careful, Shisui! Come home to me. Come back for Sasuke!_

I wanted to help him but held back in light of my promise. Leaving me with little to do but listen to my thoughts as they chased ceaseless circles through my mind, grasping at their tails but never catching them.

_Sasuke… Shisui… Why…_

“Uchiha.”

My name broke the circle, calling me back to blink up into the face of the young man before me. _Sai, his name is Sai._ Such a simple designation for such a slight and frightening youth. Hardly older than my brother, the _shinobi_ stood, dressed in short pants and a half shirt, gloves on his hands and weapon strapped to his back. His hair was cropped short and his eyes were uniform dark and lifeless.

As were all Danzō’s personal _Anbu_ , the boy had been adopted and trained by Danzō himself in Danzō’s own particular species of training style, and it was rumored the boy had killed his own surrogate brother to prove his loyalty and claim his place as Danzō’s shadow and assistant.

Seeing him woke ripe terror in my heart.

_Kami._

“Yes?” I asked, looking back into those blank eyes, voice steady, despite the throbbing in my chest.

“Lord Danzō wants to see you.”

_Kami._

At the work station next to mine, Kakashi’s fingers were on the keyboard, but they weren’t typing. His face was turned to me, and I could see his jaw was clenched behind the fabric of his mask. The skin around his visible eye crinkled with unease. An unease I shared but refused to show.

“Of course,” I returned, tapping a few keys to shut off my screen, and hide the unfinished paperwork there.

I felt Kakashi’s gaze on my back as I walked away, following Sai. I refused to turn back. _Nothing else to do. Sorry, Shisui._

My eyes were pounding with the pressure of their desire to go red with the _Sharingan_ by the time we reached Danzō’s offices, and my guide opened the door to usher me in. With effort, I held my gaze dark. I would not allow my eyes the release they craved, adamant my superior would not see how unsettled the visit made me.

Danzō sat behind his desk, his thick, twisted cane leaning to the side, a seeming fragile, broken man swathed in bandages. His appearance was deceiving. The man was still a capable _shinobi_ , one I should not like to fight, though his health and ability had markedly declined since the Nine Tails’ attack.

“Ah, Itachi,” the man said, laying aside his pen.

“Lord Danzō.”

I went to my knees, face lowered, in the customary way of the _Anbu_ , but Danzō only made a growling sound and waved me away.

“No need of that, Itachi. Come sit. I wish to speak to you; not have you grovel on my floor.”

_His shadow dose not leave._

Senses alert to Sai’s presence lingering by my only means of exit, I moved to do as instructed, settling in the chair across from Danzō. The man sighed, and steepled his fingers, his one eye taking me in.

“I’m sure you know why I asked you here, Itachi.”

“My brother.”

I did not try to hide the raw ache in my voice or school my features away from pain. _Let him see. Oh,_ kami _, let him believe._

“An unfortunate turn of affairs. And you knew nothing of it, Itachi.”

The dangerous question, framed as statement, and come so soon. I prayed for my informant’s reliability, my fingers twitching in my lap, wanting to clench into fists. “No. Nothing. I am still in shock at my brother’s actions.”

_Sasuke!_

“Humm.” Danzō closed his eye, his chin tucking toward his chest. “Most unfortunate.” His eye opened. “Did you know Neji Hyuga is also suspected of defecting to the Hidden Sound?”

I let my face register the surprise I felt at the question. “No. I’d heard nothing of the young Hyuga.”

“It doesn’t surprise me.” He turned over several papers on his desk. “After all, you have your own concerns, don’t you, Itachi? However, it seems he disappeared on the same day as your brother. I suspect he is the one responsible for convincing Sasuke to do something so foolish.

“I have spoken to both Hizashi and Hiashi Hyuga, both of whom have sworn they knew as little of Neji’s intentions as you did of your brother’s, Itachi. While I am compelled to trust in Hiashi’s loyalty, I find myself in unfortunate doubt of Hizashi’s. As head of the main branch of the family, and in interest of supporting the village, Hiashi has publicly vilified his brother and nephew. At least until what Hizashi knows can be confirmed.”

A sickness spread through me, threatening to force the red fire into my eyes. A sickness of fear. “You have taken Hizashi Hyuga in for questioning.” _Is that what you intend for me?_

Danzō sighed again. Longsuffering. “I’m afraid so. And the man has proven most uncooperative. I fear I will have to begin using less pleasant methods of interrogation soon.

“Itachi. Itachi. How long have we known each other now?”

The question was a twisted knife in my side. “Sixteen years.” _I have bowed to you for sixteen years…_

“Humm. Almost two decades.” The man eyed me. Single eye piercing. “I still recall the day I first met you, Itachi. Do you remember it? You so young and small and serious, with those ill-fortuned lines on your face.”

“It was the day I graduated from the Academy,” I said, uncomfortable. Remembering the scene through a child’s eyes. Eyes new to the _kekki genki_. “You had come to seek me out because you’d heard I was talented.”

“Yes. To find you and to claim you before anyone else could. I have always been impressed by your ability, as well as your ceaseless determination and conviction, Itachi. Now there are those who say I should have you in questioning beside Hizashi.”

The scarred and bandaged man shook his head. “I have no reason to doubt your loyalty, do I, Itachi?”

_Forgive me, Shisui. I can not bow to this man again._ “I am loyal to family and clan and Neo _Konoha_.” _But not to you, Danzō._ “I would die for my village.”

It was not the answer he wanted, it was clear in the lightning glint in his eyes, but it seemed to satisfy him enough. He closed that one eye and nodded. “I trust you, Itachi. You have worked too long and too hard to capture the _Akatsuki_ for me to do otherwise.”

We watched each other. Gaging. “Thank you,” was all I could manage.

Danzō made another growling noise in his throat. “Now I must ask you something you won’t like, Itachi. How well do you trust that husband of yours?”

“Shisui?” _What have you done to him?_

“Yes. The Body Flicker, I believe he’s called.”

“Shisui is loyal to Neo _Konoha_.”

“Are you sure of that, Itachi? Until recently, wouldn’t you have said the same of your brother?”

My fingers clenched in the fabric of my pants, bunching it. Everything in me seemed to be shuddering with the pressure behind my eyes. “Shisui is one of the _Hokage’s_ personal _Anbu_ , one of Minato- _sama’s_ most trusted servants. He is loyal to his village.”

“Humm.” Danzō sat back, scrutinizing me. “It seems I’ll have to take your word for it, Itachi. But, if I may be so bold, I’d appreciate it if you keep your eye on him.”

“Yes, of course.” Kami _curse you!_

Danzō picked up his pen again. “That is all, Itachi. You may go.”

Relief and anger left me weak, but I forced myself to rise with my ordinary grace. I was halfway to Sai and the door when Danzō’s voice called me back.

“Oh, and Itachi.”

I turned.

“I’m sure you’ll understand the necessity of my placing informants to watch you and your husband until these matters are settled. The security of Neo _Konoha_ is of my upmost concern.”

I could do nothing but breathe, each exhalation falling from me through flaring nostrils. “Of course.”

“I expected you would understand, Itachi.”

The door was a blur, accented by Sai’s soulless eyes, the corridor a colorless whirl. I felt nothing until I dropped down onto my seat at my work station, my face in my hands, my eyes weeping red at last.

_Hell! Oh, hell, Shisui! Be careful!_

“Hey, Itachi. You all right?”

Kakashi’s voice, my comfort, my anchor through so many bloody nightmares over the past dozen years, did little to settle me in the moment. I lifted my bleeding _Sharingan_ to meet his single visible eye. What I could see of his face was as haggard as I felt.

“I’m not sure, Hatake.”

He rubbed a hand over his face, dragged it down, then wracked it through his spiky hair. “I thought your back, walking away form me, would be the last I ever saw of you.”

_So did I._

I pressed the heels of my hands to my burning eyes. Trying to force back their fire, attempting to block out Kakashi’s concerned look and Danzō’s creeping, slithering voice together.

_I wish I could trust you, Kakashi. But suddenly, I don’t know who I can trust._

Every shadow now had eyes. Behind the face of every friend lingered an enemy.

_Oh, Shisui, Sasuke, we’re alone…_

† † †

Nagato was shaking and panting. Though all he had to do was talk, it seemed the physical act of even that was almost too much for him. After his initial rush of dictation, he had required two days to recover enough strength to call for me again. But it was clear he was not strong or in a condition capable of expanding energy. After only a few words of greeting, his breath rattled in his lungs and his whole frame seemed liable to come apart with each racking tremor.

“Just breathe, Nagato,” Konan soothed from his side, while Orochimaru stood at his back, hands offering him _chakra_ like a benediction.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this, Nagato?” Konan questioned, gently, when his breathing had settled to its perpetual rasp.

“If I dare to wait, it will be too late.”

Orochimaru draped himself over the frail form from behind, hair hanging down around them both as he spoke. “You are thinking of death than, Nagato?”

“ _Otosan_ ,” the red-haired man said, leaning into the other with childish affection, “I have been dead for years. I died with Yahiko and Madara.”

Konan made a small, rejecting sound and turned away, flawless face pained. But Orochimaru did not shift his position, once more exhibiting a tenderness never directed at me, unless it was in the after throes of my begged for punishment. “There are still things for you to do, Nagato.”

“Yes,” the younger agreed, letting his head sink and eyes drift to me. “First, this. Are you ready to hear more, Uchiha?”

_Hell! Fuck! Yes!_

I kept my back straight and face impassive under the withered man’s black and purple gaze. Gave him a curt, but deferential nod. “When you are ready.”

The man took a breath and shuddered it out.

† † †

_I wandered until I collapsed from want of food and chill and the infection growing in my arm and back. Feverish and near delirious, I lay in the mud for some time. I would have gratefully died there had not a cold, wet nose and hot, moist breath bumped into my face and fanned over my cheek._

_Making soft sounds, drowned by rain, I turned my head into the living caresses, to stare into the brown eyes of a drenched dog. Small, predominantly brown, apart from its light underside and the majority of its face. Seeing my response to its nuzzling, the creature sat back on its hunches and cocked its head, pointed ears twitching lightly, fuzzy, wet tail flapping in the mud._

_Euphoric and half in a fever dream, I felt no fear or surprise. I reached out with my working, right arm to touch its snout. My hand fell away when a voice called out, “Chibi! What did you find, Chibi!”_

_The voice, all too human, cut through my haze to a raw, festering part of me where pain was all I knew. I scrambled up and away with a strength of desperation. There was a rock face, streaming with rain, off to the right of the muddy road. My terror chased me into a crack in its side, worming my way back until I was wedged almost tight._

Don’t find me!

_The thought was a plea, left unanswered, as were all my prayers. But the pale face, which looked into the entrance of my stony hiding place, was not that of a_ shinobi _, or even an adult, only the dampened, sunken features of another child. Large eyed and underfed, with her blue hair tucked up under a hood, the dog crawling up under her arm, to whine and whimper for me to come out._

_“Down, Chibi,” she admonished. Then, to me, “Don’t be afraid. I promise we won’t hurt you.”_

_She reached her hand out to me as far as it would go, without her actually entering the crack, but I only wiggled away, cowering back with my hair hanging in my face. Despite her soothing, I might not have come out if not for the dog. Ignoring the girl’s commands to heel, the half-starved beast padded into the stone crack to sit before me, tail wrapped around legs, head cocked to the side. It whined, asking only for kindness and I felt my abused soul respond._

Be kind to me. It hurts…

_I fell forward, enfolding the dog’s neck in an embrace of one arm. Squirming happiness and a warm tongue over my face were my reward, and, with these, I was lulled back out into the rain. Kneeling there, between the girl and the small beast, I turned my head up to the sky. Soundless lightening flashed in a rain drenched dome, and my eyes hazed, focusing and unfocusing on the gray, before I crumpled and knew nothing more but tortured sleep._

_I woke slow. By degrees._

_First, to the rain. Rushing around, but not over me._ The rain is outside…

_Second, to warmth._ A fire…

_Third, to lack of pain. It seemed to have all melted away to consistent ache._

_And last, to gentle hands. Hands rubbing down the slash on my back, spreading a cool, numbing cream over it._

_I lay on my stomach, naked, with the fire at my face and an orange haired boy of my age at my side. When he saw my eyes open, he stopped his rubbing to smile at me._

_“Hey, you’re awake. That’s good, I was beginning to get worried.”_

_He leaned over me again, one hand pouring more cream from a jar unto the fingers of the other hand to smear over my back. “When Konan dragged you back here, I thought for sure you were good as dead. Luckily for you, we just got our hands on this medical salve. At the time, I wished it was food, but it’s proving useful now.”_

_I was trembling under him, head half turned to watch him passed my hair falling in my face, breath hitching, fingers curling to claw at the stone under me. He saw it all, but his voice did not waver from its serious, mellow tone and his fingers didn’t stop their slow, sure work. Caught under that voice, I felt how his touch never strayed from my injury. With purpose, he avoided any contact beyond what was necessary. And he left room for escape, his whole body loose and arched away from me. I could bolt from him at any moment._

Don’t hurt me!

_As if hearing my thought, he began a new running line of conversation. “You know, Konan and I are orphans. We’ve been wandering around together for awhile now. It hasn’t been easy, but at least we have each other. We’ve made this cave our home, and it’s as safe as anywhere these days, what with war and foreign_ shinobi _everywhere. We don’t have much, but you’re welcome to stay here with us if you have nowhere else to go._

_“That’s what Chibi did,” he added with a smile. “He just showed up one day and didn’t leave.”_

_The smile and the tone of the words, more than their meaning, struck at me. Calming a wild place, I didn’t know had been created that night by the_ shinobi _who had claimed my innocence. I lay still, breathing, letting him talk and treat me. And, as I lie there, I was able to take in what was around me._

_A door less hollow in the rock, sparsely littered with crates and barrows. The blue-haired girl asleep, across the fire, with the dog tucked to her chest._ Origami _flowers and birds and animals scattered about, wilting in the damp._

_Yet, my eyes always returned to the boy. He was thin, gaunt, but processed of an inner brilliance. An energy. An enthusiasm, in despite of it all. His existence was pitiful, but he chose the sun and not the clouds. As I lie, watching him, I saw what he had done with me. My arm was washed and dressed in bandages over the salve and the wounds. My back was nearly the same, and though I was naked, a cloth was modestly draped over my lower portions. A numbness there, where once had been pain, spoke of salve applied to other, more intimate wounds, but he allowed me covering and silence regarding them._

_“There, that should be enough for now,” he said, capping the jar and putting it aside. “I’m Yahiko, by the way. You have a name?”_

_I continued to lay still. Dark eyes on him, but voice mute. This didn’t seem to faze him or dim his attitude._

_“You can tell me later.” He rubbed his chin, assessing. “I don’t think you want to put a shirt over that cut, yet. But I’ve got an extra set of pants that might fit you.”_

_He got up and rummaged for the item in question and brought them to me. “You want some help getting these on?”_

_I offered no response._

_“Well you didn’t say no, so I’m going to consider that a yes.”_

_My body was weak, more dead weight than useful muscle, but between the two of us, we managed. Then Yahiko found a blanket, and, to my surprise, lay next to me on his back and spread it over us both. My heart thudded, but he only remained there, grinning and waving his arms and telling me stories. His presence was a comfort and a pain. It broke something in me, and I began to weep silent tears._

_Only then did Yahiko stop and touch me, his face sad. He rubbed a hand in easy circles over the uninjured area of my back._

_“Nothing’s okay, and we’re all hurt, but at least we’re all here together.”_

_His was the first touch which did not sting me. I fell asleep with it on my skin, and, for once, did not dream._

† † †

Released from Nagato’s intent stare, my infuriation and aggravation were a bruised storm cloud. Jaw clenched, I stalked back to the room I shared with Neji and Orochimaru, and banged open the door, _Sharingan_ spinning to life.

“Be calm, Uchiha,” Neji admonished, white eyes inscrutable and precise.

“Clam,” I snarled, flinging my sword down on the bed. “You said I would be able to do something of benefit to Neo _Konoha_ , but all I’ve done since getting here is listen to stories of war orphans.”

_Shit! Fuck!_

I dropped down onto the edge of the bed, scrubbing the heels of my hands over my eyes. I knew I was smearing the blood over them, like a red mascara, but I didn’t care. _Fuck, it’s killing me!_ My need was yowling under my skin and whispering in my ears in its joking, good natured voice.

_Anyone with those eyes…_

_We’re wasting so much fucking time…_

Orochimaru seemed to know it. “My poor Uchiha,” he purred, even as I felt the bed shift under his weight and the warmth of his _chakra_ come behind me. “Is that really the problem, or have we just been playing too gently with you since we arrived?”

I dropped my hands from my eyes to meet Neji’s brooding _Byakugan_. There were words on my lips, what, I wasn’t sure, some growl, which never came. No more than did I hear the _snick_ of my sword being drawn, then it was bursting out of me, throwing out a thin spray of crimson blood. I exhaled a grunt of surprise and wretched agony, blood running in lines from the corners of my mouth.

“With your _chakra_ levels back to normal, I’m more than happy to oblige you, if that’s what you wish for. Though,” Orochimaru leaned in to speak beside my ear, “this can also be considered a lesson.” He moved the sword in me, causing little, pained noises to escape me. “Piercing the body, just here, the sword passes clean through, avoiding all vital organs, but cutting a particular _Tenketsu_. And, with the severing of that _chakra_ point, the body is rendered completely immobilized.”

The older man pulled back, and pulled the sword out of me at once, casting another fan of my blood on the floor. Relieved of the support of the sword, I fell back onto his chest. Breathing little, shallow pants through gurgling blood, all I could do was watch Neji come toward me, face unchanging. With slow hands, he undid my pants.

“What is it you want, Uchiha?”

“N-neji… Wreck, m-me…”

They did. With long, intimate care, they cut me and bled me and fucked me. Neji form behind, with my legs on his shoulders, Orochimaru from before, while I choked on him and blood. They took me until I swam down into darkness, comforted and suffused with their warmth.

Kami _, Thank you. I… Love you…_

† † †

_Though sleep was easy, waking was not. Yahiko had lain beside me throughout the night, and his arm was loose over my back, his breath soft on my neck. It terrified me, and the fear drove me, shivering into a corner, wedged back against the streaming wall behind barrels and crates and spilt open boxes. My flight roused my companions, and their voices followed me._

_“Yahiko, what happened?”_

_“I don’t know. Hang on.”_

_A perplexed face, topped with messy, orange hair peered in at me. “Hey, you alright?”_

_I only curled in on myself, turning my face into my knees, leaving a single eye open to see him through the fall of my red hair. And pressing back further._

_“Konan,” Yahiko said, turning to her and speaking words I couldn’t hear. Then, back to me with a smile, “You can stay in there if you really want, but if you get too close to that water running down the wall, it’s going to take that salve right off your back. Plus, you’re going to get cold.” He reached for something Konan offered him and held it out to me on his upturned palm. “Why don’t you come out by us. I promise we won’t hurt you. Heck, we don’t have the energy even if we wanted to.”_

_The last was said with another smile, which squeezed his eyes shut. Resting on his hand was a rice ball. My insides responded with cramps and growls, but even in the midst of it, I was enough myself to know I was being coaxed out like a wild animal, expected to bite. Shamed and hating it, I crawled forward, ignoring the proffered enticement, to sit, head hanging and frame trembling._

Don’t look at me…

_“Hey alright, you came out,” Yahiko said with real enthusiasm, placing the rice ball in my limp hands. “Now we can eat! Come on, Chibi! Breakfast time!”_

_He and Konan began laughing and rummaging through their stores, with the dog yipping and jumping at their feet. Lips parted, dark eyes cautious behind my uneven bangs, I watched them, my heart struck with pain and my fingers closing over the offering in my hands._

Why?

_It was weeks before I managed to tell my companions my name, and over a month before I could speak to them in more than broken sentences. Yet, even when my voice returned, I spoke seldom and laughed less. Instead, taking to hiding my face behind my hair, and observing them at their antics._

_Always half starving and wet, scavenging for food and ducking to avoid the unwanted attention of_ shinobi _and shopkeepers, our lives could have been miserable, but they were not. Even on our darkest days, Yahiko held us together. A bight and constant light. Indominable under the rain._

_While both my companions were kind and understanding, never pushing me to do or say anything which would make me uncomfortable, while Konan smiled and spoke gently to me and gave me gifts of the finest_ origami _, it was Yahiko who could sooth me. Yahiko who could chase away the nightmares, Yahiko who sat beside me at night, telling me stories until I slept, or rubbing my back when I could not stop weeping._

_Yet, it was also Yahiko who shared the greatest pain. I was fast to learn it, even if I did not understand it any more than Konan or Yahiko himself. There were times when Yahiko would be overtaken by a strange and terrifying malady, falling to his knees, griping his head as ripples of bubbling_ chakra _rolled off him, and his blue eyes stretched to slitted, wild, feline orbs._

_At these times, all Konan could do was cower back on her knees, arms around Chibi’s neck while he whined, and she called Yahiko’s name. The helplessness of it all accented by Yahiko’s commands of, “Stay back! I, I don’t want to hurt you! I can, I can handle this!”_

_Most often, Yahiko could restrain himself, pulling back in the_ chakra _until his eyes went round again and the elongated claws sprouting from his fingertips shrank back to flesh. But there were times when his strength failed and the beast rampaged, tearing apart the unfortunates in Yahiko’s path. Then we would find him, days later, sprawled on the wet ground, naked and exhausted, blood dripping from his lips._

_The sight of my comfort, lying pale and shrunken, with his light nearly extinguished, horrified me more than the blue and white_ chakra _hidden down within him, and when next it took him, I threw my arms about his neck and pressed my tear wet face to his._

_“Don’t Yahiko! I won’t let you!”_

Please! I need you!

_The_ chakra _bubbled around us, threatening to drown me for mere want of air, but Yahiko’s hands came around me, enfolding me in an embrace._

_“Na-nagato…”_

_Our bodies pressed together, our hair undulating in the currents of_ chakra _, Yahiko turned those blue, furious, cat eyes on mine._

_“Hold me… Together.”_

Yahiko!

_I squeezed into him, burying my face in his neck. “Always.” And, by some miracle, my comforter came back to himself, breathing heavy breaths into my hair._

_“That was pretty dumb, Nagato,” he panted into my ear, sagging against me. I only held him tighter._

_“I don’t care.”_

_Nor did I. Whenever the fit took him, I threw myself on him, daring that whipping_ chakra _and the beast within. A beast which did not rampage when my arms were around Yahiko._

_Our lives would have carried on in this manner indefinitely, had not the frontline encroached upon us. It crept slowly, so we did not even know of it until it was there. It was then, our home in ruins, Chibi cold in my hands, we had our first sight of the_ Densetsu no Sannin _, and I, of Madara._

_He and the_ Sannin _were fighting Hanzō of the Salamander. They ripped across the mud and blood-soaked earth, those fearsome_ shinobi _, like raging_ kami _, leaving a trail of death in their wake. Yet, in the end, they could not defeat each other._ Sanshōuo no Hanzō _and_ Konoha’s _legendary_ Sannin _spoke words together and separated in acknowledgment they were evenly matched. They left us in the wreck, without even knowing we were there._

_All but Madara._

_Trailing the limping_ Sannin _, Madara turned his_ Sharingan _on the rubble sheltering us, and paused. I caught my breath, feeling those eyes cut through me._ Who are you? _Whimpering, I buried my face in Chibi’s fur. I knew he had seen us, but, as if disregarding us, he turned and walked away._

_We buried Chibi in what remained of our home, carefully crafting his memorial stones and pressing our hands together in silent prayers to the_ kami _. Or, at least, honor for our companion. I could find no words of pitiful petition to pitiless deities._

_Nor, it seemed, could Yahiko. On our knees in the mud, he cried out, slamming his fist into the ground._

_“Dammit!” he screamed, punching the earth over and over again, until his knuckles bled. “Dammit, dammit, dammit!”_

_“Yahiko,” Konan said soft, voice broken. Yahiko’s eyes were squeezed closed over tears. We had never seen our unelected leader cry, and the sight betrayed us._

_“We can’t keep going on like this!” he fisted tears from his face, spreading mud and blood there instead._

_“Yahiko,” Konan said again._

_“We can’t!” he declared. “We can’t just go on hiding and stealing and waiting for the next person to die! We can’t keep watching helpless, while others steer our fate!”_

_“But what can we do, Yahiko?” Konan asked. “We’re only children, not_ shinobi _.”_

_“Not yet,” Yahiko said, standing up, wiping an arm across his face. “Maybe not ever, but I’m not going to stand around waiting anymore. I’m done waiting for someone else to change things.”_

_I gripped the earth, curling my fingers in the mud. Hair hanging, lank and rain laden over my eyes, I looked up at him. “What are you going to do?”_

_“I’m going to find those_ shinobi _from the Leaf and make them train me. I’m going to become the strongest_ shinobi _ever and put a stop to this war.”_

_I shuddered, gouging the ground with my clawed hands. Only then did Yahiko seem to realize what his words would mean for me. All I had ever told my friends about my condition when they found me was contained in one word._ Shinobi _._

_“Nagato… I’m sorry.”_

_I made a sound and splayed a hand on the ground. Pushing myself up, I swayed my way over to Yahiko. As if afraid I’d fall, he gripped my shoulders. I did fall. I fell into his arms, wrapping him in mine._

_“I’m going with you.”_

_“Nagato…”_

I love you.

_“I won’t let you go alone.”_

_Yahiko squeezed me close, and Konan stood up to join us. “If you’re both going, I’m coming too. We’ll all be_ shinobi _together. Besides,” Konan dropped her eyes, “I want to stop this war too.”_

_“Yeah, alright!” Yahiko exalted. “The_ Ame _Orphans stick together to the end!”_

_It was a moment when our hearts beat together. We were one, and Yahiko burned bright, our light, our guide._

_Moments never last._

_We trialed the_ Sannin _for seven days of rain before overtaking them on a plain on a rare night of clear sky and stars. They had their backs to us, trudging on, but Yahiko challenged them._

_Starved and worn from our forced march, he shed his meager pack and ran after them. “Hey,_ shinobi _!” he called._

_They paused and turned. Madara, trailing behind the rest as rearguard, closest to us, eyes spinning red in warning Yahiko didn’t heed._

_“Yeah, you!” he said, pointing. “You owe us, and we’ve come to claim the debt!”_

_“Oh? Is that so?” Orochimaru was the first to speak, giving Yahiko, and Konan and I behind him, a sly smile and slipping forward to stand by Madara. “And who might you be?”_

_“They’re children,” Tsunade said, bracing her hands on her hips. “I assumed so all along, from the feel of their_ chakra _, but I thought they would have given up and gone home by now.”_

_Yahiko growled. “We’re not kids. We’re the_ Ame _Orphans, and you’re going to train us to be_ shinobi _.”_

_“Huh,_ shinobi _.” Jiraiya rubbed at the back of his neck, then faced us, his features going serious. “Why would you think we would agree to so something like that.”_

_“Because you owe us!” Yahiko’s hands balled to fists. “You and your stupid war destroyed our home! It killed Chibi! It killed our parents!” Tears sprang in Yahiko’s eyes and he stalked a step closer. “It’s ripped apart_ Amegakure no Sato _and wrecked countless lives! All because people like you can’t be satisfied when you have enough! Well, we’re going to put a stop to it!”_

_Jiraiya sighed. Yahiko seemed taken aback when the older, white-haired man, didn’t react in anger or sarcasm, but sadness. “Yeah, that’s so. But it doesn’t mean we can go around training every orphan we meet to be_ shinobi _, adding more fuel to the fire.” He shook his head. “You should head back to_ Amegakure _.”_

_“Go back,” Yahiko echoed. “Go back to what,_ kami _dammit!” His eyes clenched over tears, and his nails cut bleeding crescents in his palms. “Go back? Go back to hiding in rotten caves and stealing food from other starving people? Go back to waiting for the next battle or group of restless_ shinobi _to come raping and murdering?! We can’t go back! Better to die here!”_

_“Yes. It would be.”_

_The quiet words snapped Yahiko back, forcing a small sound from him._

_“Madara,” Tsunade warned._

_The large man let his red eyes slide to the woman, then away to Yahiko. “It would be a kindness to kill them.”_

_Yahiko took a step back, repelled by the sharpness of the_ Sharingan _studying him. The_ Mangekyō _. But he was not cowed. Fists shaking, he faced Madara._

_“If you want to kill us, then go ahead! But we’re not going to go down without a fight!”_

_“My, my,” Orochimaru said, slitted eyes curious, thoughtful. “You are determined. But don’t worry. We’re not in the habit of killing children.”_

_“No, we’re not,” Tsunade snapped. “Leave them be, Madara.”_

_“No,” he said simply._

_“Hey now,” Jiraiya said, smiling wide and putting a hand on Madara’s shoulder, “let’s not fight. I’m actually getting curious why these kids want to be_ shinobi _,” he added, turning his stare on us. The white-haired man stuck his hands in his pockets, and ambled toward Yahiko, bending down with another wide grin to speak to him._

_“So, you want to be a_ shinobi _. And if we train you, what are you going to do with your power?”_

_Yahiko growled, gritting his teeth, meeting the man’s eyes. “I’m going to change the world! I’m going to put a stop to war and all this pointless fighting and death! I’m going to make a place where everyone can live in peace!”_

_“That so?” Jiraiya queried, straightening and stepping to Konan, as Yahiko grunted a noise, watching him. “And what about you, little lady? What would you do if you were a_ shinobi _?”_

_Konan looked small and fragile beside the Toad Sage, but she turned her red-amber eyes on him without fear. “Just the same as Yahiko, end this war and spread peace.”_

_The_ shinobi’s _smile broadened, and he put a hand on her head. “Can’t think of a better reason.”_

_“You cannot tell me you are beginning to be swayed by this nonsense, Jiraiya,” Madara cut in. “Training these war orphans will bring nothing but trouble.”_

_“You’d rather we kill them, or leave them out here? You can’t doubt their motivations.”_

_“Motivations can go astray. But if you’re going to speak of intentions, then let us have it all.” His eyes cut to me, sharp and terrifying in their alien beauty._ Who _are_ you? _“You don’t talk much, do you? What would you do with the power of_ ninjutsu _, should you be fortunate enough to receive it?”_

_The intensity of the_ shinobi’s _scrutiny, undressing me and baring my soul to those Copy Wheel eyes, shunted me back to another night of_ shinobi _, a night of rain and rippling laughter and my own blood in my mouth, and I felt myself lock. Head drooping, so my hair fell over my dark eyes, I took a step back, folding in on myself._

Don’t see me.

_“Well, boy,” Madara said, pursuing me with steady, unhurried steps. “I will have your answer.”_

_Perhaps the_ Sannin _would have reigned in their companion, given the chance, but Yahiko was before them._

_“Hey,” he snapped, inserting himself between Madara and I, arms spread wide in defiance. “Leave Nagato alone!”_

_Madara’s eyes slid to him, assessed him, slid away in disregard. “No,” he said simply, for the second time, stepping around Yahiko to continue his pursuit of me, as I retreated._

_“I said, leave Nagato alone!”_

_This time Madara paused with serious intent before the boy, once again, blocking his path. Yahiko's eyes had gone to feline slits and his messy hair moved in currents of_ chakra _boiling out of him, like the motions of his rage._

_In Madara's sedate gaze and red eyes, I saw a form of recognition rise at the sight, alongside a singular lack of fear. In his unfazed and utterly patient stance, I understood explicitly he could and would kill my comforter if Yahiko made the mistake of threat._

_The sight snapped me back out of my past, breaking whatever hold fear had on me. Heedless, I wrapped my arms around Yahiko’s chest. “Don’t, Yahiko,” I said, nuzzling my face into his neck._

_My friend went limp in my hold, the_ chakra _seeping out of him. “I won’t… I won’t let you terrorize my friends,” he managed, voice weak and unsteady._

_I let mine cover it. “I… I want to end pain.” Yahiko made a sound, and attempted to twist to face me, but I only tightened my hold on him. “I want… To create a world where no one ever has to suffer again.”_

_“Nagato…” Yahiko spoke my name like it would break his heart. Madara had no such sentiments._

_“A foolish notion.”_

_“What would you know about it!” Yahiko shouted at him. “What would a lord of Neo_ Konoha _like you know about the kind of pain we’ve suffered!”_

_The_ shinobi _absorbed Yahiko’s words without reply. He turned his back on us and paced back to the_ Sannin _._

_“Do you still think any good can come of training these wraiths, Jiraiya?”_

_“As a matter of fact, I’m beginning to like them more every time I hear these kids talk. I think I’ll just stay here for a bit and see what they can learn.”_

_“Yeah! Alright!” Yahiko exalted, breaking my hold on him and pumping a fist in the air. As if this celebration was not enough, he dashed to Konan and swung her around. “We did it, Konan! We’re going to be_ shinobi _!”_

_“Ah, ah,” Tsunade said, a kind of groan. “I’ll be staying with you then. You don’t know the first thing about raising children, Jiraiya. Especially not when one’s a little girl on the verge of coming of age.”_

_The white-haired sage grinned broadly and winked at her. “I know everything there is to know about women.”_

_Tsunade growled, her forehead wrinkling in aggravation, and she swatted him. Orochimaru watched them impassively._

_“I suppose you expect me to go back to the village without the two of you.”_

_Jiraiya thumped the snake eyed man on the back before draping an arm across his shoulders. “I didn’t think you were too found of children, ‘Maru. Hump. Besides, if you stay here with us, you won’t get back to that lab of yours any time soon.”_

_“I don’t see that being an issue, just now,” Orochimaru said, moving away from Jiraiya, and casting a look at Yahiko my friend didn’t see in his excitement. Standing alone, with my hair hanging in my face, I saw it all too clearly, and feared what it meant._

_However, Madara and his bloody gaze reclaimed the center of my attention, driving the thought from my mind for some time. “You would all so lightly abandon the village,” he said, positioning himself to face the_ Sannin _._

_Jiraiya only laughed and smiled. “We’re not abandoning the village, it’s more like taking a short vacation. This war’s over, Madara. Until the next one starts up, there won’t be much for hounds like us to do. Hiruzen will understand.”_

_“Perhaps. But I do not. Do you expect me to sanction such actions, Toad Sage?”_

_“Ha! I expect you to glower all the way back to Neo_ Konoha _!” Going serious, Jiraiya went to Madara and took him by the wrist in the grasp of two companions parting ways. Madara returned the gesture, tightening his hand on Jiraiya’s wrist in turn. “Go back to the village, Madara. You have a family to take care of, and responsibilities waiting for you. Leave the atonement to us.”_

_“Atonement.” Madara’s eyes flicked to me, then to Yahiko. “You would be wise to keep the red-haired one close to the_ Jinchūriki _, Jiraiya. I will not be here to quill him should he lose control.” The_ shinobi _turned his face up to the starry sky, as if reading something there, before letting his eyes slid back to me, with his face still tilted up. “I will be back to check on you and their progress.”_

_My arms snaked around my own chest, wrapping me close, as I hugged myself._ What do you see with those eyes? Don’t look at me! _Madara’s words echoed in my mind without cessation._

It would be a kindness to kill them…

Yahiko… This way leads… Only to pain.


	4. The Kosumosu Flower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I seem to be in the mood to dedicate chapters and gift fics, this chapter is for Saereneth because I think you've read everything Naruto I've written, and if that doesn't deserve so appreciation, I don't know what does. Thanks much! Readers like you make writers feel special.
> 
> And now, I must apologize, yet again, for the length of time it has taken me to get this chapter up! I find it a personal failing when I can't post a chapter a week, and here I am, a full two months since my last update! I am so sorry. As mentioned last chapter, I am experiencing some technical difficulties with the characters telling me more information than I thought they would. If anything, I hope these 15 thousand plus words somewhat make up for the amount of time it took me to write them. Please enjoy something a little more soft and mellow than I intended, before I drop you into all the blood and death coming next chapter. "soft maniacal laughter"
> 
> I will remember you, will you remember me?  
> Don't let your life pass you by,  
> Weep not for the memories...  
> How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun  
> Want to feel your warmth upon me  
> I want to be the one
> 
> I'm so tired but I can't sleep  
> Standin' on the edge of something much to deep  
> It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word  
> We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
> 
> I'm so afraid to love you  
> But more afraid to lose  
> Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose  
> Once there was a darkness  
> Deep and endless night  
> You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me life
> 
> I will remember you, will you remember me?  
> Don't let your life pass you by  
> Weep not for the memories
> 
> [Sarah McLachlan - I Will Remember You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxoEpVDGvPE)

The night Danzō called me to his offices to discuss loyalty, I went home to wait for Shisui. Only Shisui didn’t come home. Heart pounding with terror and the dread thought my husband would never return, I need remain outwardly unaffected. _Where are you, Shisui!_ I could feel the eyes of Danzō’s informant on my neck and could do nothing to give away my fear. Alone in the house, I forced myself into the kitchen, where Sasuke had do lately stood telling me I couldn’t cook with dark eyes and passive face. _I want to eat dammit!_ There I pushed myself through the motions of preparing food, mind on Sasuke, and seeing in his actions of previous days the mental preparations of his leaving. His every motion, from his preparation of my favorite foods, to his sparring with me, reveling his true skill he had been hiding, to his standing beside me, watching me with steady, unrelenting eyes as we cooked, a choreographed dance of parting. I cursed myself for a blind fool for not seeing.

_But Shisui didn’t see it either…_

Blood rushing in my ears, I sat to eat food I did not taste, with Shisui’s face behind my eyes. _Please be careful, Shisui!_

Not wanting to pace the house restlessly for Danzō’s eyes, I took myself to the backyard and trained, pushing myself into exhaustion. Panting and sweating, I stripped, knowing I was watched, and showered, hands braced on the wall to hold me up. When I was dry again, I stumbled to bed, and curled around Shisui’s pillow, one thought my all and my torment.

_Where are you Sasuke, Shisui!_

The thought, and my exhaustion, chased me down into dreams of _Kitsune_ masks, hiding Danzō’s face. I woke in the predawn, sweating and gasping Shisui’s name, hair tangled in my face, legs wound in the knotted sheets. But Shisui was still not back, nor did he return before I finished my third mug of bitter tea and found it necessary to leave for Foundation Headquarters.

My only comfort was putting on my porcelain mask and sitting with Kakashi on cold roof tops, as we tailed some visitors from the Hidden Sand. It was a relief to cover my face, so no one could see the care lines, or my fear; a relief to be able to assert the tremble in my hands was only from the chill wind at the height where Kakashi and I worked.

Yet, I did not think I fooled Kakashi. He kept turning his face on me and away from our targets, continued to query, “Hey, Itachi, how you doing?”

“Cold, Kakashi.”

He would nod, but his doubt was a palpable thing between my fingers. _You know me too well, Hatake._ For the first time I did not think this a good thing.

I was weary by the time I returned home. So weary the relief of Shisui calling my name and padding toward me only left me cold and numb and stiff in the hallway. _Oh, Shisui, you’re alive._

Shisui took me by the shoulders, face frightened. “Itachi- Blackbird, are you alright?”

_You’re alive, I could die and be alright._

“I’m freezing, Shisui,” was all I allowed myself to say aloud.

Shisui slid his hands down my arms to my hands, startled at what he found there. “ _Kami_ , you’re like ice, Itachi.”

With remorseless, irresistible hands, Shisui drew me into our bedroom, removed us both of our clothes, and pulled me into the shower, where I stood shivering under the spray. “Hell, Itachi,” Shisui said, attempting to sooth me with gentle caresses. “I’m sorry I left you alone so long. I-”

_Do not!_

I wrapped him in my arms, cutting off his words with my mouth, fear spiking through me at what he was about to say. When I pulled back my eyes were burning red, the water washing the bloody tear tracks from my face.

“It’s alright, Shisui. You’ve had work to do for Minato- _sama_ , just as I’ve had work to do for Danzō.”

I let my eyes slide away from him and back, praying to _kami_ he would understand. _They are watching us, Shisui!_

I saw his comprehension in the widening of his eyes and the flare of his nostrils. “I know how to warm you up,” he said.

I cried out as he pushed me up against the wall, then just cried as I let him take me, supporting the whole of my all-too-slight weight on his hips while he thrust up into me, all too aware of those watching us, but needing the force of him.

_Shisui, my Shisui!_

When we were done, I could not walk. Limp and leaning on my partner for support, I allowed him to bring me to our bed, where he untangled the mass I had made of it and covered us both with blankets. Shisui said nothing but rubbed the tension out of my coiled muscles until I fell into fitful sleep, curled against his chest.

Waking was painful and all the more because it was to an empty bed. Shisui’s side was cold and, for a breath, I thought his return had been a dream. The smell of food convinced me I was wrong. Moving slow, I dressed, not even taking the time to tie back my hair and shuffled through the house to find Shisui in the kitchen. When he saw me, he kissed me and sat me at the table with far too much food before me.

“I need to go finish some assignments for Minato,” he said, hands braced on my shoulders, face in my hair. “But I’ll be back tonight, Blackbird.”

A promise, a reassurance; then he was gone.

_I can’t take this…_

It was another day of cold rooftops and masks and Kakashi’s careful looks. A second day of being followed from the darkness. Behind my porcelain, cat mask, my eyes bled red streaks down the deep lines on my face. I had to scrub it clean before allowing Kakashi to see it in the Foundation changing room we shared. Still, I thought he knew, as if I had missed some of the blood.

_I’m stretching thin, taunt. Going to snap._

At home again, with Shisui at my side, I found little comfort beyond the knowledge we had survived another day. _But there is tomorrow, and the day following, and more days after. How long can we carry on?_ We spoke of normal things, and Shisui observed me as I swallowed food, I had no desire for, but we could do or say nothing which would reveal the truth of ourselves. I could not ask Shisui what he had learned or if he was careful or if he needed me. I could only hold his hand in the dark while parts of me cracked.

_Can’t take this. Going to break. Where are you, Sasuke!_

My husband took me to bed, but we only slept. In the light of day, we parted again. Under the watery sun of a hazy day, Kakashi had to push me out of the path of a paper bomb. With ash and grit and bits of rubble raining on us, he leaned his porcelain-masked face close to mine, yanked on my ponytail, and chided me like a child.

“Get your head out of the clouds, Uchiha.”

Doubtful of his true loyalties or not, I could not suppress my guilt. I had placed my partner in danger. _My fault. All my fault._ Berating myself, angry and frustrated and strained to my limit, I returned home and slammed the door closed behind me. Falling back against it, it held me up until Shisui found me, eyes weeping blood down my cheeks.

“Blackbird? Itachi?!” Shisui took me by the shoulders, shook me. “What happened?”

I gripped his wrists hard and jerked them down around my hips. Stepping into him, I seized my husband’s face in my hands and crushed his lips until he hissed. Then, only drawing back to nip his bottom lip and work it between my teeth until I tasted blood.

“Itachi?” Shisui’s face registered no distaste at my treatment of him, only concern for me. I so seldom acted so reckless or destructive.

“Fuck me.”

“What?”

“I want you to fuck me. Fuck me rough and fuck me now.”

Shisui’s eyes turned. Not to red, but from dark to darker, and I knew what was coming.

I moaned as his hand found my crotch, kneading it mercilessly through the cloth of my clothes. Then, it was a struggle all the way to our room, clothes tugged off and discarded, and hands and teeth everywhere. I was fully hard and fully naked by the time Shisui tossed me down on our bed. Hair in my face and dizzy. And Shisui was on me in a moment, turning me over and pinning my arms above my head with one hand, and finding my entrance with the other. His prep was quick and far from enough. I screamed when he penetrated me, then just cried, yet again, as he held me in his bruising vice grip, every unrestrained trust up against my sweet spot melting my turmoil down into nothing but gratitude.

Kami _, ah,_ Kami _! Thank you! Shisui!_

“Shisui!” The name broke out of me as I bucked under him and came hard.

With a grunt, Shisui took one of his hands from my wrists to wrap around my dripping member, working me, not letting me down off my high until he came moments later. Only then did he go still, hands braced to either side of me, supporting him above me, forehead pressed to my chest the only place he touched me beside where he was buried deep inside me.

Wetness dripping on my chest, beside his labored breaths, told me his eyes were bleeding. “I’m sorry, Shisui,” I said, eyes still wet with tears.

He shook his head, turning it against my chest. “I’m the one who should be saying that.” He looked up at me, pained. “Did I hurt you, Itachi?”

_Hurt_ was understated. Even raising a trembling hand to brush some of his sweaty hair aside sent hot shoots of pain through me.

“I asked you to.”

The words dropped out of me, raising a memory I would rather not face. Sasuke in his room, venom dripping from his words after I’d seen the injuries his lovers had left on him.

_You’re hurt._

_Not hardly._

_Oh, Sasuke. Perhaps we are not so different sometimes._

“Still,” Shisui said, pushing himself up. I groaned a little, back arching, as his gentle hands applied warm _chakra_ to the abused parts of me. He worked his way up, healing every bite and scratch he’d left on me, ending with the blackened prints he’d inflicted on my wrists. “I never want to hurt you, Itachi.”

“I know.” I rubbed my thumb over his bottom lip, where I’d imprinted the mark of my teeth, shame swirling up in me.

_I needed you, Shisui._

And, he needed to be soothed.

With effort, I pulled myself from the pillow, and reversed us, easing him down into them. My partner watched me, with eyes gone dark and smoldering, as I prepped him, fingers moving slow to stretch him before I pressed myself into him, uncaring we were observed.

_Let them see._

Then our bodies were moving languidly together in our mutual exhaustion, my long hair falling down around us both, our pleasured sounds intermingling and our climaxes almost calm when they came. Simple, simultaneous, like an exhalation of need. Limp, I collapsed next to Shisui and he gathered me in his arms until our foreheads pressed together.

“This is everything I ever wanted,” he muttered, stroking my long hair back, “to be close to you.” An intensity in his eyes, sudden and sharp. “And I’m close now, Blackbird. I’m so close.”

A huff of breath across his face, words I couldn’t speak, as the duel meaning of the statement took me. It was almost over.

_Wherever your_ whys _take you, I will go with you, Shisui._

† † †

Nagato’s final burst of narrative left him so drained neither Konan or Orochimaru would allow him to see me the next day. Instead, my partners brought me to the _Akatsuki’s_ training hall, a wide, smooth, high-roofed cavern, where they first tested my physical abilities, then Orochimaru drilled me in the intricacies of using his cursemark to boost my _chakra_. The infuriating snake failed to mention how much _chakra_ the activity would consume, and when I was laying on the floor, heaving breath and unable to do anything about it but mock curse them, my partners came to disassemble me with slow, deliberate, precise care. My curses dissolved into screams so intense they drew _Akatsuki_ members to peer in the door, only to turn and leave again, pasty faced or ashen. All except the scythe wielder, who stood about, grinning, until Orochimaru silkily hissed at him to get out, unless he wanted to take my place. The man seemed more perturbed at being told to leave than the prospect of Orochimaru’s wrath.

But I was in no mental condition to judge. Orochimaru knew far too much about _chakra_ and how to stimulate the _Tenketsu_ in subtle and intimate ways. Worse, he lectured me in a satiny, soothing voice on what he was going to do to me before he did it. An act more maddening than the suffering he imparted to me.

_You_ Kami _damned bastard!_

“Stop fucking talking, and just do it already!” I snarled at him.

He only smiled at me. “Oh, my dear Uchiha. How else are you going to learn? You seem to prefer this method over any other.”

What I learned was debatable. I passed out before they were quite done with me, and didn’t wake up until the next day, naked, with my face pressed into the bed and my arms hanging off the end of it. Orochimaru was spread out beside me, a book in his hands, and Neji was coming out of the bathroom, drying his long hair.

“About time, Uchiha,” the younger man said, voice stoic to match his eyes. “I thought perhaps we might have found your limit.”

“I considered the same,” Orochimaru purred. “How do you feel this morning, Uchiha?”

“Nghh!” was my eloquent answer.

Orochimaru chuckled, but he needed to help me up and help me shower. I glared at him all the while, more annoyed he didn’t seem inclined to offer a repeat of the night before, _you sadistic bastard_ , than that I wondered if things hadn’t almost gone too far.

All my _Tenketsu_ were hyper stimulated, and a thin trek of blood I couldn’t stop, trialed from the corner of my eye, despite the fact my _Sharingan_ were inactive.

The notion I wasn’t as concerned for my own self-preservation as I ott to have been, raised tiny, jangling alarms I me, in that part which still wanted to avoid the pain I craved. This part of myself was more distant than it had been when I stood on Neji’s porch for the first time, and easily crushed. It was becoming smaller and weaker the longer I was with Neji and Orochimaru.

_I don’t care if I die. I can take it. I can take it all, so no one else had to._

_Itachi… Shisui…_

Swiping at my eye, for the dozenth time, spreading blood like crude makeup across my face, with this thought in mind, I sat under Nagato’s bruised-purple gaze. He was more haggard and fragile than when I had first seen him, but I was surprised to find most of my disgust at his withered form had dissipated.

_You broke, why? What did you find worth breaking for?_

“Are you ready, Uchiha?” he asked.

“Yes, Nagato- _sama_.”

_If you believe you can, rip me apart with your words. Awaken my_ Mangekyō _!_

† † †

_The_ Sannin _quickly changed from_ Shinobi _of the Leaf we hardly trusted, to beloved_ senseis _. Even for me, who remained mostly aloof behind Yahiko and Konan, it was hard not to love them. Jiraiya, who knew, or could make, more stories than Yahiko. Tsunade, who could out drink either or both of her companions, lose everything to them at gambling in a fit of injured rage, yet, who could heal anything or sooth any nightmare. And Orochimaru, who, despite his appearance, was gentle and knew what it was Yahiko was suffering from and how he could control it._

_“You are a_ Jinchūriki,” _the man with the strange, snake eyes told Yahiko the first night we met him, while we sat around a fire with the_ Sannin _and they fed us. “Though how Matatabi_ , _the Two Tails, became sealed inside a child, such as yourself, is an unusual twist of fate.”_

_“_ Jinchūriki _,” Yahiko repeated, slow, with a frown at the word. “What’s a Two Tails?”_

_“A powerful_ chakra _beast.”_

_“Right,” Yahiko said, as though he understood any of what the man said to him. His instructor seemed to know it but paid it no mind._

_“Most who are made_ Jinchūriki _without their knowledge do not fair well.” Orochimaru turned his focus on me, making me shrink down upon myself, already tired from Madara’s gaze. “Have you lost control since meeting this one?”_

_Yahiko glanced at me. “Yeah. Though, not since he started clinging to me like he did earlier.”_

_“Interesting.” Orochimaru reached out to touch my face and I started, falling unto my butt and hands, heart thumping and breathes coming uneven._

_“Hey!” Yahiko sprang up, abandoning his food to place himself between the older man and me. “Don’t touch Nagato!”_

_Orochimaru dropped his hand, his eyes studying Yahiko, doubtless remembering the last time the orange-haired boy had put himself between me and a_ shinobi _._

_“Very well.”_

_Yahiko dropped down in front of me with a grunt, folding his arms across his chest. With him there, guarding and sheltering me, I sat upright again, shakily pressing myself into him and hiding my face in his shoulder, leaving a single eye to peer out at the_ Sannin _and the man with the long, dark hair over his shoulders and reptilian eyes._

What do you want with us?

_“Nagato doesn’t like to be touched,” my comforter stated, glowering at him._

_“Except by you, it seems,” Orochimaru replied._

_“And Konan,” Yahiko snapped. “We’re family.”_

_“Oh, Yahiko,” Konan breathed the words, rubbing her wrist across her eyes to deny the tears which had broken there. We had never spoken such words, even to each other._

_“Well, we are. Right, Nagato?” he queried, turning his head to look at me with a grin which closed his eyes and arranged his face like sunshine._

_My breath escaped me in a small sound, and I pulled my face away to nestles against his spine. My arms snaked around his chest._

_“Yes.”_

_It was the first word I had spoken since rescuing Yahiko from Madara._

_Orochimaru watched us. I could feel it, even if I couldn’t see it._

_“Why did you try touching Nagato anyway?” Yahiko growled at him. I could hear the frown in his words, and I moved to look over his shoulder again._

_“A child does not contain a_ Jinchūriki _with no more than his arms.”_

_Tsunade crossed her arms and tapped her fingers on an upper arm, below her shoulder. “You think,” she paused, casting a look at me, “Nagato is using some kind of_ jutsu _, ‘Maru. He doesn’t know the first thing about_ chakra _, and he didn’t use any hand signs.”_

_“Never the less,” Orochimaru said, closing his eyes a moment, “I suspect he employed a form of sealing_ jutsu _.”_

_“Without even meaning to,” Jiraiya said, rubbing the back of his head, “and without hand signs. Only the top 0.01% of_ shinobi _can do something like that, ‘Maru.”_

_“You can do it, Toad Sage.” The silted eyes were sharp._

_“True that.” Jiraiya frowned at me, behind Yahiko. “You think he’s a sage.”_

_“Perhaps.” Orochimaru considered me as well. “I will not be able to confirm anything without measuring his_ chakra _.”_

_“Well forget it!” This from Yahiko. “No one’s touching Nagato!”_

_“No. Not without his permission,” Orochimaru assented._

_“Would…” I dragged my face back to my comforter’s spine. “It help Yahiko?”_

_My friend started, attempted to twist in my arms, even as Orochimaru answered._

_“Possibly. Likely.”_

_“No way!” Yahiko tried to escape me again, but I only locked my arms around him._

_“You can… Do it.”_

_“No! Nagato!” The older boy broke my hold and took me by the shoulders. “Nagato! You don’t have to do this!”_

_My head drooped, hair hiding my features. “Want to.”_

Need to. Love you. Need to, hold you together.

_“Nagato…”_

_“You’ll be there, with me.”_

_“Yeah,” he assured. “Every step of the way._

_“And you,” he snapped at Orochimaru. “If you do anything to hurt Nagato, I’ll let your Matatabi, Two Tails,_ chakra _beast, eat you!”_

_“None of us will harm him,” Orochimaru said, with a complete lack of aggression toward the threat. “Least of all me.”_

_Whatever doubt we harbored left us as quickly as our mistrust. While Jiraiya and Tsunade found, and repaired, an abandoned house outside of_ Amegakure _for us to live in, Orochimaru measured our_ chakra _and tested its nature. His touch was always light and never more than was needed. Though it took me years to stop cowering and cringing from it, I learned to accept it before Madara made his first visit._

_Our lives with the_ Sannin _were the best years we had, and we quickly took in their dynamic. It was clear, even to children, though Jiraiya and Tsunade argued constantly, they loved each other just as constantly, often disappearing for days together before returning to our home. And, though the two entangled each other, Orochimaru competed them. He was their ‘Maru, their stabilizer and binding force. He was the quiet voice, which tempered their wild recklessness, the one who soothed their quarrels, and set their laughter off._

_And it was to Orochimaru they looked to guide them in their care of us. It was his prescriptions they followed in our training. His silken voice they, and we, turned to for wisdom._

_They, the_ Sannin _, were a trinity. And, we were another. The_ Ame _orphans found a family._

_The house Jiraiya and Tsunade found, became our home. The_ Sannin _shared one room, and we three children another, sleeping tumbled together in a heap of limbs. There was little else, but a main room where we cooked and ate and lived, and a yard where we trained, but we loved it._

_We grew. In a year, we were not the same ragged three the_ Sannin _had met with Madara._

_Madara’s return proved this._

_It was the evening of another rare, rainless day, such as the first time we had met Madara. Jiraiya and Tsunade were in the house, arguing loudly about dinner, and Orochimaru sat on the porch, watching the three of us children train. Yahiko and Konan faced each other in a flickering dance of speed and metal, while I sat, cross-legged, on a raised stone, the fabric of the long, dark blue cloak I wore spread taunt across my legs, my hands resting open-palmed on my knees, eyes fluttering as the meditation Orochimaru recommended for me carried me deeper._

_This state of altered awareness was what revealed Madara’s arrival to me, before even the_ Sannin _were aware of it. My companions’_ chakras _were around me, each unique and well-known in their intricacies. Yahiko’s_ chakra _the brightest and most vibrant, shimmering with Matatabi’s blue and white. I could lose myself in my comforter’s_ chakra _alone, but Orochimaru would have me expand outward, testing the extent of my range. And doing so, an unknown_ chakra _bloomed at the edge of my awareness, crimson and visceral._

_The weight and force of it shocked me back, snapping my eyes open with a little grunt. “Someone is coming.”_

_My words were low and unheard over the clash of steel, until I slid, trembling, off the stone and said them louder._

_“Someone’s coming.”_ Please! Hear me!

_Yahiko and Konan stopped their playful, deadly dance, arms dropping to relaxed poses at their sides. “What you mean, Nagato?” Yahiko inquired, face confused, mind still half in the whirl of combat. “Hey! Nagato!”_

_He was at my side in a moment, supporting me as I swayed, my hurried steps having faltered. I brushed a hand across my forehead, unsure where the dizziness had come from._

_“Orochimaru-_ sensei _!” Yahiko called, arm going about my waist, even as Orochimaru’s hand tilted my chin up._

_I flinched from the touch, then held myself in forced calm under Orochimaru’s gaze._

_“You will be alright. You’re overexerted yourself.”_

_“Someone is coming,” I repeated._

_“Oh?” Orochimaru asked, releasing my face._

_I nodded, allowing my hair to fall back over my face and leaning into Yahiko. “They’re strong.”_

_“Is that what troubles you?” Our snake-eyed_ sensei _smiled in his rare, unpleasant way. “So am I. Go and tell those fools in the house we will have a visitor.” His eyes indicated us all, and we went._

_Yahiko only needed to lend me his help a few steps before I was able to sprint beside my companions. Our other_ senseis _listened quickly and we were all back in the yard in only a moment. Yet, Orochimaru was already standing beside another, larger man._

_I made a sound and stopped in my tracks, shoulders slumping and head sinking, feeling his eyes find me._

Don’t look at me…

_“Isn’t that-” Yahiko began, lips turning down into a frown._

_“Ah, ah,” Tsunade said, “it’s Madara.”_

_“Madara!” Jiraiya boomed, strutting over to where the Uchiha stood with Orochimaru, and clasping the other man’s hand. “I wondered when you’d show your face around here.”_

_“You did not make yourselves easy to find, Toad Sage,” Madara returned, eyes scanning us. Eyes red._

_“Well, you know,” Jiraiya said, wrapping an arm around the other man, “being easy to find isn’t something a_ shinobi _should excel at.”_

_“No,” Madara agreed. “Yet, that is not what I came here to discuss. Anymore than I came to exchange pleasantries, Jiraiya. There are many things a_ shinobi _should excel at, and I would see which your students have learned.”_

_I felt his eyes linger on me as he said it, and I wrapped my arms about my chest. But it was also Yahiko his eyes fixed on, and my comforter seemed to know it._

_“Oh, yeah? Is that so?” Yahiko stepped forward, his frown not wavering. “I’d be glad to show you a thing or two.”_

_“Yahiko. Hush,” Orochimaru, instructed, amber eyes turned to look at him sideling. “You are not ready to fight Madara.”_

_“You sure about that, ‘Maru-_ sensei _?” Yahiko asked, casting a glance at him. “Because I feel like trying.”_

_Tsunade grunted a sound, placing her hands on her hips. “Don’t be hasty. You’ll just get your rear kicked.”_

_“I have to agree,” Jiraiya said, letting go Madara to rub at the back of his head. “Madara’s not some average ranked_ shinobi _. I’d say he’s above_ Jounin _, but there’s no scale to tell how far.”_

_“I don’t care,” Yahiko responded, jaw clenching. “I still haven’t forgotten what he did to Nagato last time he was around.”_

_I made a little sound, arms dropping from their curl around my chest, fingers trembling._ Don’t… Yahiko.

_I would have said it, but Madara forestalled me,_ Mangekyō _going to Jiraiya. “But what better way to see what your students have learned, Toad Sage. I told you I would come to check on their progress.”_

_Jiraiya went serious, the red lines down his cheeks accenting his eyes and unsmiling mouth. “Yeah, you did.” He flicked a glance over the other_ Sannin _. Orochimaru acknowledged it with a curt, eloquent nod, and Tsunade with a frown. “I guess that’d be alright, if they’re up to it.”_

_“Hell yeah!” Yahiko snapped, a rise of glimmering_ chakra _growing about him already. Too lost in his own, and Matatabi’s, bloodlust to see the faces of his_ sensei’s _or my own fear._

Don’t! Yahiko!

_I was not allowed even the chance to say it. Tsunade took hold of Konan and drew her back, even as Orochimaru enfolded me in his arms and transported me to a safe distance. I was wretched, wracked with terror and unconscious disgust at the touch. Heart palpitating and breathes coming uneven. Orochimaru set me on the ground, on my hands and knees, to breathe and calm, but all I wanted was Yahiko, and I could not reach him._

Need to protect you!

_The fight was over too quickly for me to even think of interfering. Yahiko launched himself at Madara, already in his controlled, one-tailed state, and Madara let him come, all calm and wary stillness. There was a short matter of Yahiko attacking, causing damage to the ground, and Madara avoiding seamlessly, then Madara seemed to grow tired of the chase. He merely flicked from my comforter’s attack, straightened, and cast his eyes on Yahiko, catching him in those red depths._

_Twin lines of blood crept from Madara’s eyes and Yahiko wilted, the_ chakra _dissipating around him and his body seeming to lose all strength on the rumpled ground._

_Madara wiped the blood from his face. “Is this all you have learned,_ Jinchūriki _?” he asked._

_“Fucking! Bastard!” Yahiko snarled between breaths._

_“Yahiko!” The cry was mine, but Konan echoed it. Fight over, our_ senseis _allowed us to break from our places and go to our companion._

_“Yahiko!” Konan repeated, dropping down to his side._

_“I’m fine,” he snapped, brushing her hands away. But he wilted when I wrapped him in my arms, my face pressed into his neck._

_“Yahiko…”_

_“Hey, I’m okay,” he said, squeezing me. “Nothing broken but my pride.” He pushed me back by the shoulders so I could see him grin. “Old guy’s pretty tough after all.”_

_“I did warn you,” Orochimaru said, voice silken._

_Madara’s eyes turned from us to take in the snake-like man. “Did you never tell your student the_ Sharingan _can control the Tailed Beasts, Orochimaru?”_

_“Hum, I thought it better he learn to master Matatabi, before concerning him with other matters.”_

_“Wait,” Yahiko said, gently disentangling from my arms and standing. “_ Sharingan _. You mean, his eyes can control the Two Tails?”_

_Madara turned his placid face and sharp eyes on Yahiko. “Yes,_ Jinchūriki _. Or how do you think Neo_ Konoha _has contained the Nine Tails all these years? The least of my kin with the_ Sharingan, _is more than a match for you.”_

_“That’s not entirely true…” Jiraiya said, a frown pulling down his mouth and lengthening the lines painted on his face._

_Yahiko ignored our_ sensei _in favor of Madara. “Than it wasn’t a fair fight!”_

_“Fair?” Madara’s tone was a deepening rumble. “Only a fool expects battle to be fair. Your opponent will do anything to overpower you. They will betray you and cheat you and subvert your every weakness to their gain, and it is best you know it now, before it costs you your life,_ Jinchūriki _.”_

_“Grrr!” My comforter growled the sound at the Uchiha through clenched teeth. “My name is Yahiko!”_

_But Madara had no more concern for my companion, casting his eyes over Konan and I instead. “And what is it your other students have learned, Toad Sage?”_

_“Well now…” Jiraiya said, uncomfortable, eyes seeking the aid of the other_ Sannin _._

_Konan intervened before either Orochimaru or Tsunade could speak. “I can show him,” she said, standing, face sedate, head tilted, so her red-amber eyes took in the towering Uchiha, body at ease, and poster radiating the poise and grace she had acquired from somewhere over the preceding year. Certainly, it had not come from Tsunade, who was as brusque as her male counterparts._

_Yahiko was not pleased with the very notion of one of us fighting Madara, however. “Konan! You don’t have to!”_

_“Ah, ah,” Tsunade said. “Let her do it, if she wants to, Yahiko. We women aren’t delicate flowers that need you to rescue us. And that is also something it is best you know.”_

_Yahiko’s jaw went slack. “I didn’t say that!”_

_Konan stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. They locked eyes in a silent glance and the tension leaked out of our companion._

_“Yeah, alright,” he assented._

_Madara was silent through the exchange, but watched Konan approach, a_ kunai _slipping into her hand. He gaged her, but said nothing, producing his own blade. Their match was no longer than Madara and Yahiko’s had been._

_They flickered and flittered across the ground torn up by Tailed Beast_ chakra _,_ kunai _clicking and clashing and shedding sparks, while Madara tested Konan’s skill. Then, my friend evaded Madara with an elegant flip and landed lightly on her feet. Face passive and calm, she flung out her arm and released a swarm of fluttering paper bombs, shaped like winged things. They surrounded Madara and exploded in smoke and crashing sound, but when the air was clear and still again, Madara was not there._

_My heart thudded and Konan made a noise in her throat, but her face did not change when Madara’s blade came around her neck from behind with a_ snick _of metal._

_“A passable technique,” he said._

_Konan’s red-amber eyes turned up to him, without her moving her head, her expression haughty. “Yes, and I don’t need your acknowledgement to know it.”_

_“You do not,” Madara affirmed, releasing her. Konan left him standing there without a backward glance._

_“Yeah, Konan!” Yahiko’s face was exuberant and Konan’s flushed under her normal reticence, but I only stood, right hand gripping left wrist, hair hanging down in my face. Madara’s eyes were on me, and I could feel them stripping me, not only of clothes, but of flesh, to bone and heart._

Those eyes… What do you want from me? Why do you look at me so intently with those eyes?

_“You still don’t talk very much, do you?” he asked. “But I would also see what it is you have learned, you who would end pain.”_

_Yahiko’s joviality evaporated as quickly as it had come. Despite just being beaten by the man, my friend seemed ready to throw himself at Madara again._

_“There’s no need to fight him too,” my comforter snapped. “Leave Nagato alone.”_

_Madara’s eyes slid to Yahiko, unfazed by his menace. “Are we to repeat this again,_ Jinchūriki _?”_

_“Yeah,” Yahiko ground out past clenched teeth. “We’ll repeat it as many times as it takes for you to get the point. Leave. Nagato. Alone. You don’t need to test him, Nagato’s better than Konan and me both.”_

_“Oh? Is it so,_ Jinchūriki _?” Madara turned his attention on the_ Sannin _. “What is it you have taught the red-haired one?”_

_“Only what he has needed,” Orochimaru replied, voice satin. “He is a sage and_ chakra _sensor.”_

_The Uchiha’s_ Sharingan _pinned me. “A child sage.”_

_Yahiko growled, as if realizing his words had had the opposite affect of what he intended. “Hey! You’re talking to me!”_

_Madara paid him no mind. “What have you to say about this, Toad Sage?”_

_Jiraiya made a grunting, uncomfortable sound, as he rubbed the back of his neck. His eyes flicked to me, making me shrink all the more, head dipping to my chest._

_“Nagato’s… Talented, Madara. Primarily in an unconscious way. Though, he is the best with_ kunai _.” This was true. “Most of the time,” Jiraiya add, hand falling from his neck._

_This was also true. I could not deny it. Against Yahiko or Konan or even Tsunade, I was the best with the small blades. But faced with Jiraiya or Orochimaru, I faltered and failed. Doubtless it was images of me on my knees, with Yahiko’s arms around me, which filled Jiraiya’s face with an expression of careful uncertainty._

_Madara took no notice of my_ sensei’s _discomfort. He turned those Copy Wheel eyes on me. “Is it so? Then, I would see what skill this sage processes.”_

_“Like hell I’m letting you anywhere near Nagato!” Yahiko snarled, flecks of blue_ chakra _playing about his hair._

_Jiraiya attempted to interfere, saying the Uchiha’s name. “Madara-”_

_But it was my voice which defused the tense sparking in the air. Mine which cut off Jiraiya and pushed all thought of attack from Yahiko’s mind._

_“I can do it.”_

_Yahiko started, Two Tails_ chakra _swirling away to nothing in the air. “No, Nagato! You don’t have to do this!”_

_He was before me, between me and Madara, sheltering me. My ever-present comforter, since the moment he’d taken me from Konan’s arms and applied salve to my wounds. Hand letting go my wrist, I moved to his side, pressed myself to him, face rubbing against his shoulder._

Need to protect you…

_“I can do it, okay?”_

_Yahiko stiffened, then went limp. “Y-yeah.”_

_None of the_ Sannin _dared dispute my decision. Perhaps they were too startled. Perhaps too fascinated. Orochimaru watched me with snake-silted eyes, which chilled and compelled me. Jiraiya and Tsunade with serious, blank faces._

_And Madara. Madara took me in with mild curiosity. Red eyes undressing me further._ What do you see with those eyes? _Yet, he said nothing as I lingered beside Yahiko, hiding my face in his arm a moment more, inhaling a last whiff of his scent before moving away._

_My steps were unhurried and unsteady. The man unnerved me, left me shaken. But, under his scrutiny, I discovered another feeling. I wanted to fight him. Wanted to dance the steps of metal with the man who thought it a kindness to kill me and those whose lives I held dearer than my own._ Who are you? _There was no better way to know a man than to fight him. And only one more intimate entanglement._

_Madara let me come, as if he knew my thoughts. Let me pause before him unchallenged. He made no move to attack, not even when I let a_ kunai _fall into my hand from up my sleeve, my preferred hiding place. Nor did he attempt to take the advantage when I did nothing but stand, shutting my eyes to suss out the flow of his_ chakra _. A deep crimson current laced with soft purple and velvet._

_He may have taken my instant to prepare as more than a moment to gather myself. As, instead, the necessary stutter of a fearful and trembling boy before a battle, which was too much for him and that he wouldn’t be able to follow through on. He was right. I did fear him. Feared the sight of him. But he had struck at a place deeper than fear._ I will… Protect you…

_Whatever his thoughts, Madara still hesitated to strike when I dropped into a ready stance, hand holding the_ kunai _low behind me and free hand raised before me to block. He did not respond, until I shuddered out of his sight and transported myself to him without the need to weave a sign._

_Only then did he attempt to avoid my flashing_ kunai _. The maneuver was futile. Eyes still closed, I followed him, our blades shedding sparks in their shrieking, grinding collision._

I don’t need to see you… To know where you are!

_Madara’s strength repelled me, rebounding the_ kunai _out of my hand and sending me flying back. In the midst of my tumble, I transported myself again, to land lightly on my feet some way from Madara, another_ kunai _sliding into my palm. This time Madara did not hesitate. He turned to the offensive, and I to evasion, intermixed with attack._

_Though Madara tried to match my transportation with speed, he could outpace me; no more than I could penetrate his steel defenses and strength. With every intersection and parting we remained at an impasse I knew could only end with Madara wearing me down. Yet, I felt no need to hurry, not even as he sent my last_ kunai _spinning away to sink into the dirt with the rest, and I transported back to brace myself on my fingers and toes._

_Madara followed and I attempted to elude him, only to find the man waiting for me in the place to which I transported myself, the Uchiha finally showing his true speed when he thought I was without teeth with which to bite him. I jerked with a small sound and vanished, Madara’s fingers closing over nothing. But there was no escape from him, at last. Madara was waiting for me in every place I transported to, until I let him catch my sleeve, tearing it._

_A thrill went through me as the fabric pulled away form my arm, and I flickered faster than Madara had seen me move, leaving him standing, the cloth in his hand._ I have you… _Eyes closed, ground beneath my feet, all in an instant, Madara in the center of the circle of_ kunai _I had allowed him to deflect out of my hands and into the dirt in all the precise points, my fingers danced a rapid sign._

_“Binding_ jutsu _number nine! Deception of the Wayward Flame!”_

_Behind my closed lids, I could still see the curtains of white and pearlescent_ chakra _, which sheeted up in a shimmering circle outlined by the_ kunai _. They enclosed Madara, and I dropped unto my hands and knees, breathing heavy with exertion. Confident I had caught the man. Only to be disappointed._

_Madara’s hand emerged from the wall of_ chakra _and seemed to brush it aside, the trap falling to pieces around him. I made a small, startled sound and transported, knowing Madara would come for me. Only, he was there before me, having assessed my pattern more fully than I had given him credit for, his arms closing around me, pinning me to his chest._

_I cried out, eyes opening as my concentration was snapped by Madara’s vice grip. His arms were unrelenting and had the force to crush me. Though he held me loosely, I panicked and gasped for breath I cold not seem to find, Madara’s voice in my ear._

_“You should know better than to use a_ Genjutsu _against one with the_ Sharingan _, boy sage. You skillfully laid your trap, using your inexperience as a guise behind which to hide, but you forgot my own skill, and so fail at the end. Yet still,” his voice fell, whispering passed my ear and through my hair, like his scent teased at my nose, “you remind me of one of my kin and subordinates, Shisui, the Body Flicker.”_

_I made a sound without words, and suddenly Yahiko was snarling, and angry blue and white_ chakra _was snapping around Madara and I._

_“Put! Nagato! DOWN!”_

_Madara’s attention turned on my companion, but the_ Sannin _stilled whatever response he would have made._

_“Ah, ah, Madara, you’ve had your test, it’s time to stop,” Tsunade warned._

_“I agree. That’s enough,” Orochimaru added, voice silken, eyes unfriendly._

_Jiraiya shock his head, all trace of his normal playfulness gone from his expression. “You should really put Nagato down, Madara.”_

_Only with these admonishments did Madara seem to take in my state. Breath heaving against his skin. He set me on my feet, but they would not hold me, and I found myself in the dirt, fingers splayed, knees trembling, mouth gasping, body shacking._

_My mind was empty. I existed as a thing of fear. Then, Yahiko’s hands found me, were on me, pulling me up by my shoulders, my name falling from his lips like rain from the sky._

_“Nagato! Hey, Nagato!”_

_When I did not respond, he swore, tears bright and building in his eyes. All thought of Madara lost in the sight of me. “_ Kami _dammit!” He drew me into his arms, crushing me to his chest, and it was his terror which woke me._

_Breath stilling, I raised shuddering arms to embrace him, burying my face in the hollow of his shoulder. “It’s alright.”_

Don’t cry. Please, Yahiko.

_“Nagato!” He squeezed me; eyes tight closed over tears. “Dammit! Fucking dammit!” My comforter’s eyes sprang open. “If you ever touch him again, I’ll-”_

_“Yahiko…”_

Don’t!

_My fear of Yahiko’s coming threat was greater than any I had known._ I need to protect you!

_Not even knowing my thoughts, Yahiko growled. He swept me into his arms, with my own about his neck, glared once more at Madara, and carried me away. Konan close at our heels. My companions brought me to our room, where Yahiko stripped me of my ripped cloak and dressed me in a new one, and they both lay beside me until my shivering ceased and I slept a short time._

_Yahiko’s mood was a storm cloud not to be assuaged, though. He carried it with him even when the_ Sannin _gathered us into the main room to eat, and they and Madara set to talking of Neo_ Konoha _and old wars. There was laughter and sake and Tsunade trying to bait them all into gambling, but Yahiko sat in thunderheads with jaw clenched. Konan sensed it and stayed silent beside him, as sharp and precise as the edges of her_ Origami _._

_It was Madara who broke the charged atmosphere. Madara with his eyes dark, but no less discerning and devastating. Madara who turned his attention on where I sat with lowered eyes._

What is it you want?

_“You still seem adapt at containing the_ Jinchūriki _, boy.”_

_I startled with a small sound, head dipping forward, wings of hair slipping over my face. Yahiko growled and moved to snarl a reply, but Orochimaru forestalled him._

_“He is a sage, after all, Madara.” The_ Sannin’s _amber eyes were quick and liquid in his pale face._

_“So it seems. But one would like to know how it is one so tremulous holds back Matatabi.” Madara’s eyes were assessing. Below the low table my fingers gripped my knees, digging into fabric and flesh._

_“A sealing_ jutsu _,” the snake_ Sannin _said, lips curling over sharp teeth. “What else would you expect?”_

_“Nothing,” Madara admitted, hands resting on thighs, back straight and covered in the sheet of his dark hair. “But what form of sealing_ jutsu _. His techniques are not ones I have seen before. Though his transportation does resemble Minato and Shisui’s.”_

_“But of course,” Orochimaru almost seemed to coo. “Nagato creates his own_ jutsus _.”_

_“Oh? Is it so?”_

_Madara’s gaze took me like a spear and I shivered. At the sight, Yahiko snapped, lightening breaking from his threatening storm head._

_“Back! Off!”_

_“Hush,” Orochimaru soothed, eyes sliding to my comforter._

_Yahiko ground his teeth but obeyed and it was Jiraiya who answered the Uchiha. With a rumbling sound, the Toad Sage crossed his arms and took me in, pensively._

_“I think the transportation was my fault. I told Nagato about Minato’s_ kunai _technique and Shisui’s transportation, and that’s what came of it.” The white-headed sage rubbed at the top of his head, further spiking up his spun-snow hair. “Though, it was ‘Maru who told him about binding_ jutsus _and_ Genjutsu _. You saw what he did with those. Nagato’s pretty inventive.”_

_“So it seems." Madara was quiet and his eyes spun red, Copy Wheel gaze undressing me in that way only he seemed to possess. “But tell me of the sealing_ jutsu _. That is what I wish to hear, Toad Sage.” Jiraiya frowned, lips turning down. He and his fellow_ Sannin _shared a wordless exchange and it was Orochimaru who answered the Uchiha lord._

_“It’s difficult to accurately assess Nagato’s_ jutsus _because he seems to blend them and rarely uses hand signs. But the sealing_ jutsu _.” The pale man ran his hand down a long length of hair, lips pulling into a seldom seen expression of satisfaction. “That is an exquisite thing.” Orochimaru surveyed me, making me shrink. “I had him demonstrate it for me.”_

_Caught under the scrutiny of two such frightful men, I hunched in on myself, my nails biting my palms, my mind wandering back to the night Jiraiya had led us to the abandoned house, which became our home. The night Orochimaru had ordered me to sit behind Yahiko and show him what it was I had done to restrain the Two Tails._

_Despite Yahiko being before me, I had been terrified, my heart thumping madly. In this fear, I had reached for Yahiko, attempting to do as asked, and only thinking this was wrapping him in my arms. My friend squirmed a bit in my hold but let me bury my face in his back. Orochimaru was not impressed by this display, however._

_“You don’t control a Tailed Beast with your hands.”_

_“Hey, he’s trying!” Yahiko had snapped, as I dropped my arms. “Leave him alone.”_

_“I am not harming him,” Orochimaru had purred. “But he is the one who offered to help.”_

_“Why you-!”_

_“I did…” The words were low and slipped off my lips, and I let my hair slide in front of my face._

_“Nagato!” Yahiko said my name, almost turning to face me, until Orochimaru claimed his attention once more, voice compelling him to frown at the snake-eyed man._

_“Then you must try. Remember what it is you think and how you feel when your companion is being swallowed by Matatabi.”_

_I cowered behind Yahiko, and I could feel him trembling with rage, but I did what Orochimaru admonished, remembering the first time I had thrown myself on Yahiko amid the whirl of_ chakra _._

Please.

_The thought slid through me, as I slid my arms about Yahiko’s chest from behind._

I need you.

_With care I laced my fingers over my comforter’s breast bone._

I love you.

_I buried my face in Yahiko’s neck, breathing his scent and allowing myself to embrace my want._

Need, to… Hold you together.

_The beating of Yahiko’s heart against my own became the only sound for me, the only sensation, the only reality in which I existed._

Need to protect you.

_And Orochimaru had smiled sharp teeth below calculating eyes, and chuckled. “Well done.”_

_Under Madara’s eyes, in the house we three shared with the_ Sannin _, Yahiko’s body sagged against mine, his head thumping unto my shoulder._

_“Hey, Nagato,” my comforter said sleepily. “You mind?”_

_Breaking from my memory, I made a startled sound, and released the sealing_ jutsu _I had dropped into amidst the reminiscence of another night. Feeling pitiful and stripped bare under far too many assessing eyes._ What do you see with those eyes?

_“S-sorry,” I stammered._

_But Yahiko seemed to have forgotten Madara and resentment both, seeing me cut open and unable to hold back. He flopped down without a care of who watched us, wrapping his legs around Konan’s pristine form and laying his head in my lap with a mellow smile and sparkling eyes. His orange hair spilled across my legs and I could not resist raising a trembling hand to stroke it._

_“Hey, whatcha thinkin’?” my companion asked. “You don’t often do that without meaning to.”_

_Ashamed, I dropped my head, hiding behind my red hair. Though I knew it helped him, protected him, I hated feeling I controlled Yahiko. Rendering him helpless with a whim. This, and the thought of him under Madara’s merciless_ Sharingan, _ripped at me._

_“Still that, huh?” Yahiko said, lightly lifting his hands about my head, laying his palms on either side of my neck. “Hey, I’m all right. See? Like I said before, nothing broken, but my pride.” He said the last with a smile which closed his eyes. “Don’t worry about it!_

_“You were great today! Way better than me! Hell, that binding_ jutsu _, Deception of the Wayward Flame, that thing’s awesome. I can’t wait for you to try it against me!”_

_I smiled at him. A weak, half-pull of my lips. I could feel the attention of the_ Sannin _, watching Yahiko care for me in his way of carelessness, as he so often did. And I could feel Madara taking us in. We three children tumbled together, with Yahiko sprawled between us like glue. My hand in the other boy’s hair. I knew the red eyed man had seen my slip and gaged my_ jutsu _and me, and I could feel his interest. It set my heart beating wild. But I was content. Yahiko’s words flowed over me like wind through tree branches, and they soothed me._

I love you.

_The_ Sannin _allowed this to go on for some while without interruption, sensing it was needed to sooth both their troubled charges, and, perhaps, Konan as well, who had locked her own legs around Yahiko’s. But as our unofficial leader’s words began to run down, Tsunade spoke._

_“Ah, ah, that’s enough. The three of you have had a long day. Time you were in bed.”_

_“Yep. The Princess has got it right,” Jiraiya said, stretching his arms above his head, playful grin on his laughing face._

_Tsunade, as ever, took offense at the man’s use of her despised nickname, and she swatted at him, leaving Orochimaru to shoo us away from the table and to bed._

_“Sleep,” he commanded. “You can talk in the morning.”_

_For once, we did as he advised, Konan and I curling on either side of Yahiko. She with her blue head pillowed on his shoulder, and I with my arm draped over his bare chest. My companions were asleep an in instant, but I found it harder. Laying awake far longer with the rumble of the_ shinobis’ _words in my ears and Madara’s scent lingering in my nose. Though I wanted to forget the moment he had pressed me to his chest in our fight, speaking words to me I hardly understood, I could not seem to escape it. His smell seemed to rise around me with the dusky darkness. Something musky and sweet, like night blooming flowers._

Why?

_Why should I want to catch a whiff of it again? Why should I wish to hear the words he spoke about me to the_ Sannin _? Why should the memory of his arms, so capable of crushing me, remain, making me tremble in a way I did not understand. I found no answers, but it was almost a sting and a relief when he was gone in the morning. A sting because I wanted to smell that scent again. A relief for the fact I was free from those probing eyes._

_Free for a while. It was no question he would be back. The Uchiha lord would never be through with us._

_I knew this, as well as Yahiko and Konan understood it, but, unlike them, I was unable to forget it. The presence of Madara dallied with me every day I woke, and the sweetness of his skin tantalized me every night as I sought sleep. It was a terror, and something more I did not want to think of for fear of it._

_At least there was much to distract me. The_ Sannin _no longer treated us as the children they had found but trained us as maturing_ shinobi _. It was over two years before we saw Madara again, and in that time Yahiko grew tall and Konan grew beautiful and processed of an ever-greater poise, as the_ Sannin _refined us in a style particular to each of us and our strengths. Young still, we were, none the less, no longer mere brats._

_Even I changed, Orochimaru’s meditation stealing much of my anxiety, if not my timidity, and my body lengthening and thinning further into something not quite child but not adult either. I still flinched and cowered and hid behind my hair, saying little. But I observed more and feared Jiraiya and Orochimaru less, becoming ever more in-tuned to their_ chakra _and co-existence with my own._

_And it was again Orochimaru’s mediation which alerted me to Madara’s impending arrival. It was another day without rain, as though Madara brought with him clear skies and a cessation of the heavens’ weeping, and, as before, we children trained on the ground outside our home. Orochimaru watched over me, while Tsunade and Jiraiya sparred with Konan and Yahiko. Though my companions wove and danced in a complex web of_ jutsu _and clicking metal, I lay stretched on the earth, eyes closed and fluttering under my lids. Lost to_ chakra _and_ Senjutsu _, while I took in the nature energy around me and the vivid life of the_ Sannin _and my friends._

_I was aware of the earth beneath my back and the air on my skin and my own body, but all of it was less real to me than what I sensed without myself. The creeping growth in the soil, the flittering, racing heartbeats of the birds far above, and the intent approach of a heady_ chakra _, all burning crimson struck through with purple and velvet currents. Dark underlays in an inferno._

_The ocean of this mass of life energy tantalized and terrified me with its familiarity. It was as recognizable as the scent which plagued me by night, and, in the midst of my meditation, I struggled and made a small sound, my eyes flickering open._

_“Madara is coming”_

_My voice was calm, despite the flow of my pulse, and low, hardly there under the other sounds being enacted around me, but the breath of it stilled the motions of the_ Sannin _, as well as those of my companions. Orochimaru’s eyes cut to me in interest._

_“He is, is he? That creep.” Yahiko’s voice was alive and high with delight and violence._

_Jiraiya’s was milder. “The old hound’s on his way, huh?” he asked, grinning wide, large hands on hips. “How long before he gets here, Nagato?”_

_I exhaled a small sound like a moan, curling unto my side, my eyes slipping closed again. “Soon…”_

_“Ah,” Tsunade’s voice said thoughtfully, “he’ll be staying the night. We’ll be needing to get the house ready. Come on, Jiraiya.”_

_My body shuddered as Orochimaru brushed a hand over my shoulder, and he took it away. “I would go with you, but he is removing himself from the mediation faster than he should and is in no state to be left alone.”_

_“We’ll stay with him, won’t we, Konan?” Yahiko offered, his lively blue and white_ chakra _coming near and sitting beside my twitching hands, even as Konan gave an affirmation._

_“Yes, we’ll stay with him, if you want to go, ‘Maru-_ sensei _.”_

_Orochimaru’s cool, silver and gray_ chakra _left my side to be replaced with Konan’s irradiance. The warmth of her pressed near my back and her hand moved aside a lock of hair hanging in my face. On my other side, Yahiko lingered and I groped for him with a near nerveless hand. My comforter wound his fingers through mine and we three stayed like that, as I drew my consciousness back into myself, compacting it and contracting it to fit the contours of my mortal flesh again. The force of it made me feel my body would fly apart, yet I was unable to move more than small inches, until the process was done, leaving me aching and worn._ Chakra _expanded to the point of physical weariness._

_“Konan… Y-yahiko…” I called, when I was able to open my eyes again._

_“Hey, Nagato!” Yahiko enthused at the sound of his name. “You’re awake.”_

_A tiny noise like a gasp or exhalation escaped me. I pressed a hand over my face and another to the ground, in effort to push myself up. I succeed only in hunching over my legs, breathing through my fingers while Yahiko rubbed slow circles in my back._

_“You did come out of that meditation way too fast, Nagato. Are you really so eager to see that bastard Madara?”_

_“Don’t, Yahiko,” Konan admonished. She knelt by me and slid an arm around my waist. “We should get him in the house.”_

_“Yeah. Sorry, Nagato,” Yahiko added, slipping his arm around me from the other side. “How long we have before Madara gets here?”_

_“Not long,” I managed, as my friends eased me to my feet and supported me as we took slow steps over the ground. My body was heavy, but I could feel the first measure of strength returning to my limbs._

_A thrill was running all through me. Though my heart beat terror and uncertainty through me, my blood was alive with resolve._ What is it you see with those eyes? _I was not the same cowering child Madara had twice hounded. I feared him but wished him to see what it was I had become._

Will your eyes see me, lord of Neo _Konoha_?

_Konan and Yahiko guided me to the room we shared, and Konan brought me a plate of food to replenish my_ chakra _,_ _while Yahiko chattered in his way, teeth flashing in frequent smiles. I ate little, but my companions had no chance to challenge me to eat more. Madara’s_ chakra _bloomed a brilliant, dark flower upon all our awarenesses, and Yahiko sprang up with a feral grin._

_“All right! He’s here!”_

_Our unelected leader dashed from the house, and Konan and I followed. Despite our speed, when we paused in a group on the porch, the_ Sannin _were already ranged around Madara, greeting him. The man was as ever, as though he had not aged since the day we had met him on the barren plain of_ Amegakure _. His face precise and unlined, his thick, wild hair falling in a mane down his back, his armor dark and scarred from battles he had lived and killed through._

_I expected Madara’s eyes to be the red enigmas, punctuated with_ Tomoe _with which he so often held me, but the eyes he turned on Yahiko, Konan, and I were dark and thoughtful. Yet, they were no less penetrating. My head slipped low and my hands curled to fists, even as Yahiko’s voice rang out with jubilant anticipation. Tone lined with the same violence with which he had greeted my first pronouncement of Madara’s return._

_“Back again, huh?” Yahiko grinned, teeth already going sharp, Matatabi’s blue and white_ chakra _already dancing in his orange hair._

_Madara regarded my comforter with a still face. “Are you so eager to find yourself in the dirt,_ Jinchūriki _?”_

_If he expected the words to anger Yahiko, he was disappointed. My friend only grinned wider, planting his hands on his hips. “Maybe I am. I’m willing to give fighting you another go! Or, are you worried I might beat you this time!”_

_“Ah, ah, Yahiko. You shouldn’t taunt Madara the moment he arrives,” Tsunade cautioned._

_“I do not mind it, lady Tsunade,” Madara rumbled, eyes only for Yahiko. “I am interested to see what it is your charges have learned since my last visit.”_

_“I’d be happy to teach you!” Yahiko said, stepping off the porch,_ chakra _whipping his hair to a crown about his head._

_The_ Sannin _made no move to interfere, only retreating toward the house to give them room. If Madara anticipated Yahiko to fling himself forward in Tailed Beast Mode, he gave no sign of surprise when Yahiko drew his sword and attacked with that. Only matching maneuver for maneuver, fire_ jutsu _for water. Though Yahiko was careful, and even attempted to account for Madara’s eyes, the outcome was never in doubt for me._

_I watched the display with clenched fists and beating heart, my hair hanging in my face. Waiting for the end I knew would come. For the explosive event, which, none the less, took me unaware when it blazed across my vision._

_Yahiko’s water_ jutsu _collided with Madara’s fire ball, and my companion threw himself through the aftermath to cut a sweeping arch with his sword. Madara’s form fell apart under its edge and Yahiko realized his mistake even as flames burst around him and Madara’s sword sent his own spinning. There was the sound of flesh connecting with flesh, and Yahiko was flung back unto the dirt with Madara kneeling over him, sword point to his neck._

_“And so, we find ourselves in this position again_ , Jinchūriki _.” Madara’s tone was soft and low and his eyes a blaze of red and black._

_Yahiko showed his teeth in a clenched-jawed smile that was all overjoyed violence. “Yeah, guess so. But you’ve got to admit that was better than last time. One of these days, I’ll put you on your ass.”_

_“Hum.” Madara made the sound, closing his eyes and drawing back his sword, the last remnants of his fire_ jutsu _dying around him. “I anticipate the day, boy. I credit you with learning not to rush in headlong. You made effort to use strategy.”_

_Yahiko slapped aside the hand Madara offered to help him to his feet and stood on his own. “You don’t have to tell me what I already know,” he flung out, reaching to retrieve his sword. There was no friendliness in his face, but Madara did not show displeasure, his expression remaining stolid._

_As Yahiko straightened, Konan made a sound, small and prim and refined, her red-amber eyes shutting a moment to snap open with her reserved, unhurried steps forward. “If the two of you have finished, I would like to demonstrate my skills as well.”_

_“Ha! Konan!” Yahiko burst out with anticipation. “Show him!”_

_Konan spared not a glance for our companion. Her calm, assessing eyes were for Madara, as he sheathed his sword. The man offered her a bow, but she scorned it, her features haughty and flawless. While Madara pondered her, Konan brought up her hands and let loose a vortex of fluttering_ Origami _papers from her long sleeves. The white scraps coalesced and collected into angel wings at her back and Konan took flight with a dry rustle._

_Despite Madara’s disadvantage of being bound to the earth, or the impression of it he gave, the match lasted little longer than had Yahiko’s. In the end, Madara’s fire defeated Konan’s paper bombs and wings, and she surrounded at his fingertips._

_“You’ve gown,” the man affirmed, drawing back his hand. “But you do not need me to acknowledge it for you.”_

_Konan raised herself to her feet, somehow managing to appear unfazed and unaffected by the fight. As pristine as the moment she had challenged Madara, she ducked her head in fake demurring and made a sound of disdain. “I do not.”_

_She turned her back on the Uchiha lord, head high and eyes soft defiance, and my heart seemed to stutter._

_“It’s my turn,” I near whispered, face lowered, steps halting, as I came off the porch. “It’s my turn now.”_

_Madara’s eyes came on me, red and deep and scouring, shearing me of clothes and flesh in a glance. Making me stop and stand, red hair slipping before my eyes, along the skin of my face. But neither the_ Sannin _nor Yahiko attempted to stop me. On the contrary, my comforter broke out in a delighted grin full of savagery._

_“Yeah, Nagato!” he crowed, springing to me and taking my hands to swing me around. “You mean it!”_

_“Y-yahiko!” I gasped, face flushing under Madara’s scrutiny._

_My friend released me, but his smirk did not waver. It grew wider, his eyes squeezing shut with the joy of it. “I can’t wait to see you beat him! You’re way better then me now. Almost as good as Jiraiya-_ sensei _and ‘Maru-_ sensei _!”_

_“Is it so, boy sage?”_

_Madara’s question drew my attention. A wordless sound and I was looking out at him through the fall of my hair. It was true. I had long since out-stepped my companions and Tsunade alike. Only Jiraiya and Orochimaru remained any match for me, and only when they used Sage Mode and the_ Yamato no Jutsu _._

_Yet, I knew the truth as naturally as I knew Yahiko’s scent. As easily as Madara’s_ chakra _played along my nerves and extremities. “I can’t beat him, Yahiko.”_

_“What ya mean, Nagato! Of course, you can! You’re amazing!”_

_I wanted to press my face to his shoulder, nuzzle into the fabric of his clothes over his flesh, and breathe in his scent, but the whole of Madara held me still._ What do you see with those eyes? _The being of him flushed me from head to toe, and I would not hide, even as my fear compelled me to drop my eyes from those mysterious_ Sharingan _._

_“I can’t beat him,” I repeated. “He’s stronger than I am, Yahiko.”_

_“You’re serious? Well damn it all!”_

_“I’ll still fight him, though.” My fingers curled into my palms, little scars flashing white over the skin of them. “May I use it,_ sensei _?”_

_My question was directed at Jiraiya, and, for the first time since Yahiko had challenged Madara, the_ Sannin _shifted on their feet. Orochimaru’s face splitting into an evil, unpleasant smile, Tsunade’s arms uncrossing from off her chest, Jiraiya’s hand going up to rub at the back of his neck. Face thoughtful and serious, red paint stark on his cheeks._

_“Yeah, I guess so. Just don’t break the house while you’re at it, Nagato.”_

_“Yeah! Alright!” Yahiko exalted, only to exhale an exclamation of surprise as the_ Sannin’s _arms came around him and Konan both, and they were drawn back to the roof of the house in a blurring movement._

_Madara’s attention was captured by the exchange, and I felt the shift in his_ chakra _,_ _as he prepared to face whatever it was I intended to use against him. Yet, he remained still and stoic as I stood before him, my own_ chakra _beginning to spread outward through my_ Tenketsu _, a thin, lanky figure shrouded in dark blue cloth, head and eyes lowered. Meek and humble and unassuming._

_“We’ll have to go somewhere else,” I murmured low, meeting his eyes for a moment before transporting myself without a hand sign or signal to show my purpose._

_With a blur, like a shudder of movement, a colored smudge on the air, my feet were standing on a rise of dirt over two kilometers from where I had just stood in front of the house. I performed the technique without any thought to Madara or his ability to track me and follow. I knew he would do so, and merely waited for his arrival._

_I had little time to compose myself and suss out the Nature Energy around me before Madara appeared beside me, nonplussed by my sudden departure._

_“The range of your transportation has increased since last we met, boy.” Madara spoke the words, pacing to stand opposite me. His eyes had gone from red and black alternating_ Tomoe _,_ _to spheres of purple and black, containing ever shrinking rings. They made me shudder._

Those… Eyes…

Will you see me with those eyes?

_I wanted to wrap myself in my own arms, to curl in on myself in order to remove myself from his stare, but I did not. I took a single step back, garnering me the space I required, and let three_ kunai _fall into each hand. Madara allowed me to throw them out in a circle around me and to grasp a seventh, which hung loose in my fingers._

_Nor did the man make any attempt to stop me as I conjoined my hands and wove signs around the_ kunai _, the duel, razer edges cutting into each of my fingers in turn, until they were slick with blood, and I dropped to my knees, plunging the blade into the earth. My opponent only watched with steady eyes and unchanging face, curious what I would do._

I will _make_ you see!

_“Summoning_ jutsu _! Earth’s Seven Pillars of Heaven!”_

_The ground beneath my_ knuai _shivered and rumbled and melted into a living, liquid, animation. A pillar of seeming molten earth rose under me, propelling me into the night sky, while six narrower pillars whipped and coiled with lightening quickness to join with the one I knelt on. The mass roiled and congealed itself into an ever-growing form, until I rose to stand on the head of a towering, slender, six-armed idol formed of soft, shifting soil. Its face serene, one pair of hands covering its eyes, another grasping two blades, and the last resting empty handed at the idol’s sides._

_The wind blew my hair across my face and the height was dizzying, but I made no move. It was my turn to stand still and see what Madara would do. My time to do nothing as he wove flickering hand signs._

_Though Madara had leapt back at the rise of my golem, he evidenced no fear or surprise and, though I did not know how he would combat me, I had no doubt in his ability. This was well._

_No more had I completed my_ jutsu _and found my feet, than Madara wove his own_ jutsu _. Half on his knees, face relaxed and sedate, his fingers flew, and around him grew a dark blue aura, which flared skyward and condensed first into a skeleton, quickly overlaid with muscle and sinew, and finally with flesh and armor. A heartbeat and Madara was on a level with me, atop the head of what I would come to know was the_ Susanoo _. A form comprised of his_ chakra _with two entirely distinct sides, conjoined along their spine, encased in_ tengu _-like armor and wielding undulating_ Kris _blades in the right hands of each side._

_For one moment, we were still. Then the Uchiha lord’s_ chakra _rushed over me and our giant_ jutsus _crashed together, rending the rise on which we stood and sending shockwaves out for kilometers around us. The force of our collision rocked the house where the_ Sannin _and my companions watched us, and I and my opponent need hold back our full power to keep from destroying too much._

_Despite this withholding of power, the ground was flattened and torn before we were through. The clash of our blades shredded trees and our trampling feet cratered the earth. I despised it but could do nothing to prevent it._

_Ultimately, it was as I told Yahiko it would be. I could not defeat Madara. His_ Kris _cut apart my idol, and my_ chakra _and endurance gave out before his. Both of our_ jutsus _dissipated, on my hands and knees in the dirt at Madara’s feet, I heaved in breaths, eye unfocused and body trembling._

_“You are far stronger than I would have thought, boy sage,” he said low, voice softer than I would have thought him capable. I had no time to ponder it. No more than the words were passed Madara’s lips but Yahiko, Konan, and the_ Sannin _appeared behind me, their_ chakra _roiling over me to bathe me in familiar warmth._

_“Alright, Nagato!” Yahiko exalted, running to my side and throwing his fist in the air. “You were amazing! The best!”_

_I tilted my head up to him and he smiled at me, before he and Konan both put their arms around me to ease me to my feet._

_“You were wonderful, Nagato,” Konan assured, even as Madara turned his eyes on Jiraiya._

_“Your student has learned well, Toad Sage. But I would know what form of_ jutsu _it was he employed. He called it a summoning_ jutsu _, but he summoned nothing and it more resembled Hasirama Senju’s_ Senpō Mokuton: Shin Sūsenju _. It is not every_ shinobi _who has the potential to use wood style.”_

_“That’s true,” Jiraiya admitted, hands braced on hips, eyes roving over me and Madara both. “But to be honest, Earth’s Seven Pillars of Heaven is one of Nagato’s_ jutsus _,_ _so I’m not sure what type it is. I told him about summoning_ jutsus _and ‘Maru told him about Hashirama’s wood style and that’s what came of it.”_

_I stood trembling between my friends, as the adults spoke. Yet, when Jiraiya finished and Madara pondered, I stepped forward, unable to contain the words pulsing through my hazing mind._

_“But it is a summoning_ jutsu _.” As the words escaped my mouth, I collapsed to my hands and knees with a small sound, my legs simply ceasing to support me. I found myself looking at my fingers splayed in the dirt, watching the tremors shuddering up my arms, as my eyes unfocused, vision fuzzing at the edges, lungs gasping after air. The words I needed to speak flowing out of me with effort._

_“I-it’s summoning earth. E-everything… Likes to be asked before it’s used.”_

_“Nagato!”_

_“Nagato!”_

_Yahiko and Konan called out my name and were beside me, their hands on me, trying to pull me to them. I let myself be taken and held, unable to resist, but cradled to Yahiko’s chest, hanging in his arms, hair blinding me, I turned my face up to Madara, wet with tears of exhaustion I could not stop._

Do… You see me with those eyes?

_“’Maru-_ sensei _!” Yahiko’s voice held a note of pleading, which frightened me, and Orochimaru came between me and the Uchiha. I shivered at his touch, but still leaned into it, nearly sobbing in relief as warm_ chakra _suffused me from his fingertips._

_“’M-maru…” His name from my lips contained a desperation I was unable to acknowledge, even as I wondered if I had gone too far, used too much, and found myself on the edge from which I could not return._

_My_ sensei _soothed away my fear with a few words. “You have used_ Senjutsu _meditation and your most powerful_ jutsu _in too short a space of time, Nagato. You are suffering mild_ chakra _exhaustion but will be alright._

_“Take him home and let him rest.”_

_The last words were directed at my companions, and Yahiko acknowledged them with a grunt. His arms circled me further in a protective embrace and my world slipped away as he and Konan transported me back to our home and laid me in the nest of blankets where we slept. I could do nothing but lay, my hands twitching beside me, and see nothing but Madara’s eyes following me down into sleep._

Do you see me?

_I woke in the night, in the dimness of our room and the silence of the house. Yahiko’s scent in my nose, his breath on my neck, and his arm across my chest. He and Konan lay to either side of me, limbs thrown over me as though we were a tumble of puppies._

_I brought a hand to Yahiko’s face a moment, fingers sliding over his skin, but I did not stay long. Hunger drove me out of my friends’ holds, hunger such as only those who are starving know. A desperate, insatiable thing, which surmounts fear or thought of reparation. Madara was in the house, but the gnawing within me would not allow me to rest._

_Creeping on soft feet from the tangle where I had wrapped Yahiko’s arms around Konan’s slight form, after extracting myself, so he would not miss my warmth over soon, I padded over the polished boards to our door. Easing it open, my heart in my throat, and choking me with each pounding beat, I peered out with a single eye._

_At any other time, I would have been able to sense Madara’s_ chakra, _as well as that of Yahiko and Konan and the_ Sannin _, but I was too weary to even sense_ chakra _,_ _and found myself as blind as I had been as a child in the house outside_ Amegakure _. The thought and the helplessness set my heart palpitating, but the main room lay bare and stark in the pale moon light, and there was no sign of Madara. A futon had been set for him against the wall, along one side of the room, but the blankets were thrown back and the man was gone._

_This lack of Madara’s presence and my own crawling hunger gave me the courage to venture out. The floor sighed beneath my feet, but all else was silent. In a covered box beside the cooking fire, I found a plate of food I knew would have been saved for me. Fish and rice and dumplings piled beside a generous serving of greens._

_The taste of the food in my mouth sent thrills of elation and euphoria through me. Lost in the delight of it, and the thought of an unclouded sky, I paced out onto the porch to eat and see the stars. All too rare in the land that was my birth place._

_It did not pass through my mind Madara might also be outside. My need of food and pleasure in finding it had overruled all thought of him for a space of time. It was not until I’d set aside my plate and stood, leaning out over the rail in a shaft of silver moon light, my fingers gripping the splintered wood, and hair teasing at my ears, did I understand I was not alone._

_“The moon is a wonder, is it not, boy sage? It is the same wherever you go. Except when the Crimson Moon rises.”_

_The words stopped my heart and my breath and hollowed out my chest. It felt as though my stomach had dropped out of me, and I wished to be sick, as I whirled to find Madara’s eyes on me, red and thoughtful in the night. My heart began beating again, all at once, and I shuddered, my hands grasping and slipping off the wooden rail, as I backed away from his approach. Splinters lodging in my flesh as his eyes peeled it away._

_At my fear, the man stopped. Studied me. “You have no need to be frightened. I will neither touch, nor harm you. Though, I do wonder at the capacity of one so strong to be so timid and easily unnerved.”_

You once thought it better I should die.

_“W-what do you want?”_

_The Uchiha made no move. Only pondering me and the shudders running through me. He shut his eyes and opened them again._

_“I have thought much on you since our last meeting, boy sage. What I said then holds true, even this night. You remind me of my kin.”_

_“The Body Flicker.” My hands fumbled at the rail and I half fell, my feet slipping out from under me, a little, startled noise pushing out of my throat. Madara made a move to catch me, only to pause when a pitiful mew escaped me. Panting and stumbling, I pulled myself to my feet. “W-what does he have to do with me?”_

_“Nothing.” Madara admitted. “Nothing, but the familiarity I feel. He, too, is a protégé. And no protégé should lack in instruction. I have a gift for you.”_

_The man reached into the cloak he wore and stepped toward me. My breath caught and I tripped backward, hitching up against the support post upholding the porch roof. Madara paced two steps nearer me, then stopped, hand extended to me, holding a rolled parchment loosely in his fingers._

_He watched me, heaving in breath, shaken and shaking, that hand extended to my tremorous form. I half expected, in my state of panic, he would reach out and brush aside the red wings of hair hanging in my face, but he only stood. Eyes undressing me. Memorizing every line._

_“Take it. It, and I, will do you no harm.”_

_Hands scrambling at the post, I thought I would faint. “W-what is it?”_

_“A scroll regarding rare and forbidden_ jutsus _written by the second_ Hokage _, Tobirama Senju.”_

_The words at last pushed passed my terror, striking at last at a place deeper and more formidable. A thing not to be denied. My interest. The very delicacy of the thing offered me, the very scarcity and expense of it. For what reason had Madara acquired for me such an exquisite gift? His purpose mixed with my curiosity, intermingling in the beating of my heart._

_“Forbidden_ jutsus _?”_

_“Do you find yourself unworthy of it, boy sage? Or merely inadequate in the face of the responsibility of it?”_

_I felt the words for the goad they were, spurning me like the scent of him and the knowledge of his presence teasing at my senses. For too many nights, his shadowy memory had stood over me, and his lingering spirit invaded my days._

What… Do you want from me?

Don’t hurt me!

_Yet, I could not deny myself. The same determination which had propelled me to fight Madara consumed me. My hand reached out, as if in a dream, and my fingers grasped the parchment. Connected so, by a thin roll of paper, our fingers brushed, and a coursing flow of heat welled through me, as if his eyes had burned me._

Do you see me?

_Madara released the paper, his face unchanged, as though he felt nothing at the caress of our skin, and my arm dropped to my side. Leaving me to stand, one arm bent behind my back, grasping the post and imploring it to hold me up, the other clasping a thing still warm from him, as I looked out from behind my hair._

_“T-thank you.”_

_His eyes turned dark, even as he turned away. “There is no need to thank me; I have no need or desire for your gratitude. Only show me what you will do with what you are given.” Madara cast a last glance at me and walked into the house._

_Alone in the night, I sank to the ground, back sliding down the post and head rocking back to strike it when I had thoroughly collapsed. My body had no strength, leaving me bereft, my heart fluttered in my chest, and in my hand hung the scroll. Quaking, I lifted it to look at it with tired eyes._

_Morning found me the same, but for the scroll open in my lap, its edges draping off to either side of my knees where the fabric of my cloak was stretched tight. I was lost to it and time and all thought of self alike,_ chakra _and much of my mind directed into the earth, where small things grew, their life more real to me than my own._

_It was Yahiko’s voice which called me back, Yahiko’s anger and worry which raised my head, and blurred eyes, to the door. Within, my friend had woken to find me gone from our bed, my place long since cold. Like a lioness shorn of her cub, he was shouting at Madara, demanding what he had done to me, and, at the last, calling my name as he banged open the door._

_“Nagato!”_

_I smiled at him. A rare, thoughtless smile filled with the delight of what I had been doing. A smile utterly lacking in the haunted timidity so often found in my gladness. The sight of it stopped Yahiko and depleted his anger like the shift of sun to shade._

_He looked at me, sitting there, half on the porch, half in the dirt, flowers blooming at my feet, strange, arcane things scrawled in the dust, where I’d written uncaring notes with my fingers, and his expression altered in an instant. Something half afraid and happy intermingling all at once._

_“Hey, Nagato,” he said, approaching slow, as if half fearful to startle me from my reverie and shatter my contentment. “You’re doing alright, huh?”_

_Unable to grasp at words in my state of half meditation, I only continued to smile at him, my dirt smudged fingers reaching for him. My comforter took my hand and looked down on me, his own smile breaking forth._

_“You must be hungry, huh? Being out here all night, meditating. I’ll go find you some food, okay?”_

_I managed a nod, my eyes already drifting back to the scroll, my consciousness to the earth, when I caught sight of Madara framed in the door. Devested of his armor, his hair a wreck of tussled sleep. My smile broke and my heart leapt._

_Yahiko, seeing and sensing it, turned quickly to shove the older man into the house and out of my sight. I saw no one else the rest of the morning. Not even the_ Sannin _daring to intrude on my pleasure or break Yahiko’s mandate I be left alone. Yahiko brought me food, which I ate without tasting, and I twined minute, intricate_ jutsus _and_ chakra _into the ground._

_It was near noon when I at last extracted myself from the meditation and the life of other things contained in the Nature Energy around me. Weak, but rejuvenated, I rolled up the scroll and tucked in away, before tentatively hoisting myself to my feet and venturing into the yard. I felt watery, as if all of me had been washed out, or left behind in the dirt. But I was also pleased. Roaming the yard, I could think of little else than what I’d accomplished._

_Perhaps it was this very pleasure, mixed with my low_ chakra _, which prevented me from noticing Madara until he and my companions were in the yard with me. I stalled, my motions dimming and muscles locking. But Yahiko would not allow me to tense. His bright eyes took me in, and he bounded off the porch to drape an arm over my shoulders, tucking me to his side, where I could lay my head on him._

_“Hey, alright!” My comforter exalted. “You’re finished! What’ve you been doing this whole time, huh?” His grin stretched his face and shut his eyes, and I could not help pressing into him, overjoyed at his presence and the vibrance of him._

_“I should like to know the same, boy sage.” Madara rumbled, drawing my attention to the man._

_“Nagato doesn’t have to tell you anything!” Yahiko snapped, his body coiling beside me, readying for a fight should Madara in any way attempt to deprive me of my peace. “If it weren’t for you-”_

_“Yahiko…” His name drifted from my lips and all tension drained out of him as he turned his eyes on me. “It’s okay,” I murmured, burying my face in his chest before slipping away to pace toward Madara, head down, right hand gripping left arm at the elbow, hair hanging in my face._

_My heart was thudding. Slow, shallow beats sounding in my ears. Madara made no sign when I paused before him._

What do you see when you look at me?

_“I, made a_ jutsu _.” The words were slow, stumbling, but I pushed them out, arm seeming to spasm with remembered pain._

Don’t hurt me!

_“What form of_ jutsu _?” Madara’s tone was low. Light, as if he spoke to a wild animal, easy to startle. Some part of me wished the_ Sannin _were near, but they had remained in the house after bidding Madara farewell, for I had no doubt he was leaving. Returning to the Hidden Leaf after having ascertained all he wanted from us. All but this._

What form of _jutsu_ …

_“Summing. Only, with plants and not earth.”_

_“A divergence of Hashirama’s Wood Style, after all?”_

_“No! I…” My fingers curled tighter around my arm, squeezing against the pain. “Didn’t, do, anything, like that. It’s… Just something useless.”_

_“Than why create it, boy sage?”_

_The question slapped at me, and I dropped to the ground, splayed-legged, left hand spread, bracing me, head drooping. “Because…”_

_“That’s enough!” The voice was Yahiko’s. High and filled with venom. He and Konan were at my side in an instant, their_ chakras _whipping. “Not everything has to be about_ shinobi _and war! Nagato doesn’t even like fighting!”_

_“Is it so,_ Jinchūriki _?” Madara’s voice had gone cold, and I did not need to see his eyes to know they were red with the_ Sharingan _._

_“Stop it!” My outburst, never heard by Madara before, and seldom allowed passed my lips, stilled them._

_“N-nagato…” Yahiko whispered._

_“I-” A kind of catch sounded in my throat. “I hate it. I want… To end pain. Everyone thinks of war and talking to the trees, only to use them. But no one thinks- No one ever thinks of talking to the flowers, just to talk to them.”_

_I looked up, allowing my hair to fall back. Madara and Yahiko and Konan stood over me, but it was only Madara I saw. “Everything likes to be talked to. Everything likes to be asked.”_

_Without a thought, meeting his blood red eyes, I pulled my left hand from the dirt and bit into the flesh beneath the thumb until my own blood welled in my mouth. Yet one more bite mark left in my flesh. Blood drawn, I wove my sign, the one I had carefully mapped out in the night on the porch, and pressed both my hands flat to the ground, letting my_ chakra _sink down with my blood. An offering and an appeal._

_And there, in the earth, I sensed the tiniest of lives. The seed of a_ Kosumosu _flower, Autumn_ Sakura _, trembling and frightened at my touch._

_“Please,” I whispered to it, feeding it my own_ chakra _and blood. “Bloom.”_

_Under my fingertips, the small thing woke and grew, pushing its way out of the soil, and rising to its full height and maturity in the space of a breath._

_Konan gasped in delight at the sight, as I leaned back to look upward at Madara again. “Flowers, are beautiful just for the sake of it.” I had asked the plant to do a strange and unique thing against its nature, to grow two stems and open two blooms. With care and gently, I grasped one and bent to it, brushing my lips over its petals in a soft kiss. “Thank you,” I said to it, as I picked the flower and held it out to Madara._

_The man stared down at me, there on my knees, offering him a flower, as if it were a plea,_ don’t hurt me! _His eyes spun from the_ Sharingan _to the_ Mangekyō _, but his face gave no sign. He reached out and took the flower I offered, hand closing over mine and lingering there an intense moment, before loosening enough for my hand to drop free._

_“So they are,” he said. “You could grow a garden with that_ jutsu _, even in_ Amegakure _. You have done well with my gift, sage, and I will ask no more of you.”_

_Holding the flower loose, the Uchiha lord paced away, going back to his village, and leaving me on my knees, with blood and dirt on my hands and his words in my ears._

You could grow a garden with that _jutsu_ …

Yes, a garden in the rain. But even those flowers will wilt…

I can’t stop… The rain…


	5. The Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Behold! An update has arisen! What can I say, I've given up all notion of updating on a schedule or knowing how many chapters this monster of mine will be. It seems every time I post an update, I add another chapter to the anticipated length because I keep splitting my content into smaller chunks. That's what I did with this one. (Again.) I promised blood and death last chapter, but I've had to push it back to next chapter instead... But, still and all, update!
> 
> On the note of updates, if you like this story, and you're glad to see more of it coming your way, give a shout out to the lovely [Saereneth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saereneth) who spent her time talking to me about this story and talking me down from shelving the whole, damn thing. Thank you, my dear! I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. Even if it is not everything I thought it would be. Next chapter, I hope!
> 
> I know it's hard to tell how mixed up you feel  
> Hoping what you need is behind every door  
> Each time you get hurt, I don't want you to change  
> Because everyone has hopes, you're human after all
> 
> The feeling sometimes wishing you were someone else  
> Feeling as though you never belong  
> This feeling is not sadness, this feeling is not joy  
> I truly understand, please don't cry now
> 
> Being like you are, well, this is something else  
> Who would comprehend? But some that do lay claim  
> Divine purpose blesses them, that's not what I believe  
> And it doesn't matter anyway
> 
> A part of your soul ties you to the next world  
> Or maybe to the last but I'm still not sure  
> But what I do know is to us the world is different  
> As we are to the world, I guess you would know that
> 
> Please don't go, I want you to stay  
> I'm begging you, please, please don't leave here  
> I don't want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel  
> The world is just illusion trying to change you
> 
> [VNV Nation - Illusion](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w98yJ7gRu8)

_Things were not the same after Madara left. This inexorable shift was to be noted first in the_ Sannin’s _regard of us. As if our efforts in fighting Madara had proven something to them, our_ senseis _no longer treated us as simple children or maturing_ shinobi _, but as adults and equals. They still offered us some slight training in technique, designed to enhance our natural talents and affinities, but they no longer prescribed for us regimens to follow, and we were expected to train on our own, to develop ourselves and our personal styles. No, what teaching the_ Sannin _extended to us, after Madara’s third visit, was something new and entirely unlooked for on my part._

_Each day, Yahiko, Konan, and I were gathered on the floor in the main room of our home, or on the ground outside its door, and the_ Sannin _instructed us in the intricacies of warfare and battlefield strategy and the politics of the_ daimyō _, the lords, and the Five Great_ Shinobi _Nations._

_I expected Yahiko to hate it, to resist this use of his time he would surely think useless. But, to my surprise and unease, my comforter sat each day in rapt attention to it all. Taking in this twisted and unwholesome information in as if it were all too rare sunlight._

_It set my heart on edge, but when I, in the dimness and security of the room we three shared, with Yahiko’s head in my lap and Konan beside us, asked him why, he only looked up at me with a smile._

_“Ah, that’s easy!” he said, smile becoming a grin, which set his teeth in a sharp, brilliant, feline clench, Matatabi’s_ chakra _rimming his eyes, flecking through his hair. “How am I ever going to stop war if I don’t know what they’re all fighting about?”_

_Easy. As I stroked his hair, my own hanging in my face, I did not think it easy. But I did think I could tell him why it was they fought. It was because they harbored something in them which could never be satisfied, never be sated, never say it had enough. Something deeper than greed, fiercer than avarice, and more tenacious than rapacity. Something voracious and grasping and eternally perilous. The thing which would cause a group of_ shinobi _to ruin a child for the sake of their own gratification._

_Yet, I did not think I could speak this to Yahiko. My comforter, despite all his trials, had none of this monstrous_ something _within himself, and so could not understand it. This sure and shattering understanding only proved to heighten my unease for a new and terrible reason. Looking down on Yahiko’s smile, his head pillowed in my lap, it was Madara I saw. Madara’s words I heard._

Fair? Only a fool expects battle to be fair. Your opponent will do anything to overpower you. They will betray you and cheat you and subvert your every weakness to their gain, and it is best you know it now, before it costs you your life…

_The words were a_ kunai _drawn across my back, from left shoulder to right hip. They burned and cut me with a horror of the very innocence of my companion. With the very inherent weakness and frailty of his brilliance._

I must… Protect… You…

_In a world of peace, he was a star to be followed. In a world of rain and_ shinobi _, he was a candle to be extinguished, and I vowed to defy this eventuality. It was I that was wrecked, I that was destroyed, I that was tainted by the hands of the_ shinobi _, and so I that would not allow the darkness to touch Yahiko._

_A covenant of folly._

_Even I was but a fool and blind to the true venomous_ something _within the hearts of man._

_But I was not to know it. Not to grasp it until I grasped the truth of pain, and this was yet the thing of future years. Much was to come before and between. Much, which was bound up with the shift Madara’s departure had indicated._

_The second note of the irreparable change, which had occurred, was to be found within ourselves. Yahiko suddenly looked a man, and Konan a woman, and I wondered at them and where it was my rescuers of my childhood had gone. They were vanished under a veneer of long, lanky limbs gone to fullness and grace, and trepidation and unfocused determination to confidence and surety._

_But there were other, more intimate changes, which pained my heart and eased it at once. We had always been three. A trinity as the_ Sannin _were a trinity. Yet, even as they, we altered within ourselves. Without excluding me, Yahiko and Konan began to walk a path I did not follow. They began to intermingle and intermix in a way to be noted only by the most discerning. A pattern woven and proven by soft words, subtle touches, and secret glances. By quiet moans in the dark of our bedroom and stolen kissed in the light._

_They tried to hide it from me, out of consideration of my past, but failed. Still, I allowed them to think they had success. I was not jealous. On the contrary, I was glad. The sight of them, pressed together, eyes a glitter with a light they themselves did not realize, relieved the worry for Yahiko’s naivety, even as it let lose an ache in my heart I could not identify._

_For the last shift was within myself alone. As Yahiko and Konan grew, so did I. Yet, though I lost more of my timidity and grew closer to Jiraiya and Orochimaru, I retreated further back into silence and observation and a shifting sadness and melancholy. I excused this by way of my_ senjutsu _meditation, for in this lie was contained some slender grain of truth. In the days following Madara’s departure, I at last perfected the meditation and advanced_ chakra _sensory it allowed me._

_Within my state of altered awareness, I could lay, only half aware of my physical form, helpless on the ground, while my consciousness departed it. I could let myself go so fully into the nature energy around me I could sense the_ chakra _of every living thing for kilometers, and my existence became contained within that of birds and beasts and plants and microscopic things. Self thinning and stretching and yet growing, all the same, as I watched life bloom and die, a part of it and yet other. Every life, from the teeming outskirts of_ Amegakure no Sato _to the borders of the Land Hidden by Rain became so well known to me no stranger could escape my notice and knowing. And this act of quietness and extrospection captured so much of me, Orochimaru set for me boundaries and restrictions for the sake of my own life._

_Sitting on the steps of the porch, where I had perfected my_ Hanakotoba jutsu _after reading Madara’s scroll, Orochimaru tilted my head up, to look at me with an irresistible pressure under my chin. There, perched between love and affection, fear and bitter expectation, ridge of wood biting into me, fingers clenched and white, wrapped around the cutting edge of the step, with my_ sensei’s _long fingers smooth and soft on my face, my breath hitched to a quicker pace and my heart sputtered in my chest. Orochimaru’s amber eyes noted it, but he did not release me._

_“You must never preform this technique more than once a day, and never more than a few hours in a given day.” His instruction was no purr, no hiss, it was the irresistible tune of the serpent charmer. It brooked defiance. “If you do, you will expand your_ chakra _and die.”_

_My heart pulsed and stopped, then resumed its beats in illogical slowness. I swallowed and, devoid of my curtain of hair by the angle of my head to disguise the feeling in my eyes, I acquiesced with no protest, only a small sound in my throat. “Yes,_ Otosan _.”_

_It was not distress for myself or my wellbeing the words invoked, but for Yahiko and Konan. They were beside me, and they absorbed the words with trepidation and heightened attention. Following this, I was never allowed to use my meditation alone. Konan or Yahiko or Orochimaru or the other_ Sannin _were always beside me, to wake me, if necessary, and otherwise watch over me._

_I minded it little, beyond the worry it brought my companions. No, my_ senjutsu _was but the thin veil behind which I held myself at a remove from the truth of it. If none could escape within the range of my_ chakra _sensory, no more could I escape the deep and providing sense of emptiness, which had settled through me in the wake of the Uchiha lord’s departure. I found it hard to eat or to concentrate on what was said to me. All too often my mind would drift to red eyes and crimson_ chakra _shot through with velvet undertones. The thought of that intense and heavy life force walked beside me through my waking dreams, as the heady scent of night blooming flowers plagued my sleep and pulled me from it continually, until I gave up all pretext of it and crawled to the window to watch the rain, which shrouded us, or the moon ridding high in a rare clear dome. Madara’s words to me on the porch playing rampant through my thoughts._

The moon is a wonder, is it not, boy sage? It is the same wherever you go. Except when the Crimson Moon rises.

_Arms coiling about my chest, I would sit until weariness had me drooping against the wall. A wreck of long limbs and red hair._

_The first night I abandoned the bed we three shared for the cool boards beneath the window, Yahiko was quick to waken, sensing my absence all the more keenly after the occurrence of Madara and his scroll. My comforter threw off the blanket and Konan’s embrace both, to sit up, orange head a tussled, flaming point in the dark. He noted me by the wall and wobbled to my side, accompanied by Konan’s mumbled protests._

_My companion half stumbled, half blundered to his knees beside me. Swaying there, blurry with cloying, clinging sleep, his words were a slur when he managed them. “Nagato. Wha’s wrong?”_

_I passed off the question, saying I was not tired, and Yahiko curled around me, so when dawn found us, the light creeping slowly over the floor and growing to pool in the corners, I was leaning back against the wall, head leaning back and tilted, hair hitched behind it, Yahiko’s arms around me and his head pillowed in my lap. Absently, I stroked his hair, as I watched the light grow. The feel of him the only thing real in my reality. The only anchor to the present, tethering me to the new day. All else within me elsewhere, with Madara, pondering again his reason for giving me the scroll._

_One night of this would have been excused as nothing more than an idle fancy, but when it had occurred several nights consecutively, Yahiko insisted we move our bed under the window, so all I need do was open my eyes to see out. Perhaps, he thought if I didn’t leave our bed, I would simply drift back to sleep on these nights. But after more nights, where he woke to find my eyes open and my focus far away, Yahiko’s worry bubbled over._

_In our room, away from the_ Sannin _, my comforter took me in his arms and held me close, the shaking in his frame saying more of his terror than any words could express. The shaking and the tears, which leaked out from behind his clenched lids. Yahiko’s whole form seemed to be locked. Arms clamped around me, teeth grit,_ chakra _tight and knotted._

_“What the hell is wrong, Nagato? Tell me what’s wrong with you, and I’ll fix it!”_

_But I did not know what was wrong, and all I could do was cling on him and sob into his shoulder. Konan’s hand warm on my back and her_ chakra _a tingling, glittering brilliance._

_I tried to reassure them I rested enough in my_ senjutsu _meditation, but this was a lie, the meditation stealing my_ chakra _and leaving me wane. By unspoken consent we three tried hiding my state from the_ Sannin _, but shadows grew under my eyes and my gaze grew ever more distant and my uneven hair couldn’t hide it, and our_ senseis _took note of it._

_Under Jiraiya and Orochimaru’s gaze, I submitted to Tsunade’s examination, my companions nearby in the main room. Konan sedate and reserved, Yahiko with his hands fisted on his knees and Matatabi’s blue and white_ chakra _snapping off him. His anger and unease only proving to worry at my own disgust and desire to escape, so when at last Tsunade took her hands away and I was free to pull my cloak back around me and over my shoulders, I felt the prick of bitter tears at my eyes, though she had been nothing but gentle. I clutched at my cloak and hunched in on myself to hide the shine of the tears, as Tsunade made disconsolate_ tisking _sounds and Yahiko growled from his place behind me._

_“Well, what’s wrong with Nagato?” he snarled at last, when Tsunade said nothing._

_“Ah, ah,” Tsunade said soothingly, I can’t find anything wrong with Nagato.”_

_“What do you mean?” my comforter ground out, leaning forward over his knees, teeth set and glinting with circulating_ chakra _. “You can’t tell me there’s nothing wrong with him!”_

_Tsunade stroked a long wing of hair back over her shoulder. “Naw! I didn’t say that. Only I can’t see that there is.” Her eyes turned on the snake eyed_ Sannin _. “What do you think, ‘Maru?”_

_“You’re all fools,” the man hissed, standing. A flash of his amber gaze quilled Yahiko, and he grazed my hair with a light touch of his long fingers, saying, “Come, boy.”_

_With a small, surprised sound in my throat, I assented. “Yes,_ Otosan _.”_

_I followed the man out onto the porch, where Madara had given me his gift, and he seized and held my chin with those same slender digits he had caressed my hair. Looking up into those strange eyes, I pondered how once I had feared this man, so that I could not stand to meeting this gaze or accept his touch, and yet, how all of that had slipped away and, in the moment, his skin on mine felt only of comfort._

_“How long have you felt this way?” he purred._

_“I don’t know,_ Otosan _.”_

_“Oh, but you do, if you think about it, Nagato,” he insisted. “When did it begin?”_

_A small sound escaped, yet again, on a wave of coiling melancholy. “When we first met you.”_

_My_ sensei _slid a finger down my jaw, keeping my focus on him. “And when did it begin to trouble you as it is?”_

_I swallowed against dryness, nearly unwilling to give voice to the thought for what reason I did not know. “After Madara’s first visit.”_

_“As I suspected,” Orochimaru’s voice had fallen into a hiss once more. “Poor boy. You are young to be so afflicted, but I was no more than you when I first fell for those fools in the house. They are imbeciles for not seeing what is the matter.” He paused, his sharp teeth flashing and strange eyes cutting to me. “Though, perhaps you don’t see it either.”_

_The words ran up against a pained, broken thing in my chest, and real tears started in my eyes at last. Wrapping my arms around my narrow torso, I nuzzled into the hand on my jaw, even as I let my hair fall over my face to hide my emotion. “What’s wrong with me,_ Otosan _?!”_

_Sighing a sorrowful sound, the_ Sannin _sat on the topmost step, and invited me to join him. Still weeping, I lay along the edge of the porch and draped my head and shoulders over his lap, left arm about my face to muffle the sound of my tears from those in the house. Orochimaru’s hands rubbed over my back, doing his best to ease my sobs, and I allowed him this. Offering and accepting an affection he had earned over the years and which I yet denied even Jiraiya and Tsunade._

_“Nothing out of the ordinary,” he murmured, his voice soft, “though it may not feel such. It would be more unusual if you didn’t suffer so. Have no fear, boy, you will live. I am only sorry there is no cure and nothing more I can do for you than this.”_

_His touch was calm and soft and sure, until I had mellowed and lay limp and spent over his knees. Then he laid his hand in my hair and sighed another exhalation of melancholy. “You will be alright, Nagato. Though it may seem as though your heart is breaking, and the very light of the sun is dimmed, you will be alright. But you must eat and sleep and remember there are those who love you.”_

_“Y-yahiko. And Konan.” The words were heavy in my mouth._

_“As well as me and those other two fools.” His hand slid away from my hair. “Come. You are tired.”_

_He helped me to stand and brought me into the house and delivered me into Yahiko’s arms. Yet, though he had my companions put me to bed and sooth me, he called them back to the main room, and for some time I heard him hissing at them and the other_ Sannin _._

_After, they were all kinder to me, as though I were something delicate and easily broken. I was hardly left alone and always prompted toward the things which gave me pleasure. And I responded as well as I could. Offering slight smiles and doing what I was able to swallow food and rest when I felt capable, by night or by day._

_It was not easy, but no one troubled me, and time went on. Bringing with it a rising expectation I attempted to hide and unfeel, even as it grew on my mind. Madara would be coming back, and I waited for him. Seeking out his heady_ chakra _every time I entered my_ senjutsu _meditation._

_Indeed, it was almost a relief and a pain when I at last sensed it, like an expanding thunderhead on the horizon. It was morning and I lay on the ground, breathing soft, flowers all around me and Konan and Yahiko to mind me. To mind me their stated purpose, to mind each other their undeniable imperative. Free of the_ Sannin’s _eyes and thinking I could not see them with my own shut against the world, my companions were wrapped up in one another, hands and lips otherwise occupied than with me._

_Some distant part of me was happy for them, even as another part soared at the approach of Madara, my_ chakra _responding to the brush of his along its length. Shivering, heart beating quick in my chest against my shallow breaths, I opened my eyes._

_“Madara is coming.”_

_My companions broke apart, flushing and shamed to have been caught. Yet, they recovered quickly, Konan smoothing down her hair and Yahiko growling out, “What?! Again? How many times we gotta prove ourselves to that bastard?”_

_Despite the harshness of the words, my comforter was at my side in an instant, hands soft as they flecked aside a strand of hair from my face, and voice softer when he spoke me. “How long before he gets here, Nagato?”_

_“Hours.” My voice was flat, inflectionless. The tone of one who speaks from dreams without having woken. It had once disturbed Yahiko, but he had learned to push it aside, knowing I would return to myself when I ended the meditation. With a low moan, I curled onto my side, under his hands, and began the long, slow process of drawing my consciousness back into myself from the distances and depths where I had spread it. Living within the swelling things of the earth and the darting, fluttering things of the air, and the lumbering, prowling things between._

_I had only just reopened my eyes and limped with Konan and Yahiko’s help to the porch steps, where I sat, slumped, when I sensed Madara’s_ chakra _enter our yard. I looked up, through the wings of my hair, and there he was, pacing toward us. Dark hair a wreck of windblown black, and armor mellowed shades of red._

_A shudder ran through me and Yahiko’s hand fell on my shoulder. Konan had been beside me, but my comforter had gone to bring me water, only just returning at that moment._

_“So, it’s you again?” he grumbled at the sight of the older man, but there was no real aggression in the words. Only an unenthusiastic annoyance. One thing I had come to know since the Uchiha’s last visit was Yahiko had lost interest in the man. If I could not beat him, then my comforter felt he had no chance of it and had moved on to something more to his abilities. Ending war._

_Madara stopped before us, but Yahiko ignored him in favor of me. “Here ya go, Nagato. Bet you need it. You’re always thirsty after meditating.” He pressed a cup of water into my hands, so cold drops of moisture rolled over my fingers. Tickling them and heightening my weighted sense of Madara’s stare._

What do you see with those eyes?

_For surely it was not what I saw. The_ Sharingan _would not see something so petty and plain._

_Madara scanned us, taking in our growth, and my hand trembled, as I brought the cup to my mouth. “And where are your guardians? Surely they have not gone off and left you.”_

_Yahiko snorted. “Naw, no more than usual!_ Otosan’s _in the house.”_

_“_ Otosan _?” The question a rumble, as Madara raised a brow._

_“That would be me.” Orochimaru’s smooth voice came from above me on the porch, and I cold picture him in the doorway, arms crossed over chest, sly, snake like smile on his lips, weight thrown against the doorframe. “The young ones graced me with the title this last year, Uchiha.”_

_“A fitting enough title. What of Jiraiya and Tsunade? And where have they taken themselves off to?”_

_“Hah!” Yahiko let loose the barking, good-natured laugh. “Jiraiya-_ sensei _and Tsunade-_ sensei _are still just our_ senseis _. ‘Maru is our father!”_

_“Yes,” the man made the word a hiss. “Those fools of mine are teachers, but never parents. Even now they’ve run off together and left me with our charges.” He let loose a thin laugh in answer to Yahiko’s. “While they see fit to leave me for one another, as they ever have, I have gained these, my children, Madara.”_

_The Uchiha lord made a sound in his throat. “I had hoped to find you all together,_ Chakra _Master. But it cannot be helped. We will have to wait for them.”_

_Orochimaru chuckled, an eerie sound at that moment. “You’ll wait days then. But, at least, you’ve arrived in time to eat. Come and eat! Yahiko, Konan, help Nagato! He will not be recovered yet.”_

_My companions did as instructed, their hands easing me to my feet and offering me whiffs of_ chakra _, knowing I would take no more than that from them. They escorted me into the house, one on either side, and Madara followed. Silent and brooding and imperative. Though Yahiko may have decided to disregard him, I felt his presence a lingering cliff before us. Something in his_ chakra _was on edge, and I feared this thing would tip us over the cliff._

_I feared it more as dinner progressed and Madara remained taciturn, despite Orochimaru’s pressing him for news of Neo_ Konoha _. Never before had the man been so unwilling to speak and, behind it, I sensed the looming thing which had stolen all my strange pleasure at the return of the Uchiha._

_Yahiko felt it. The decline of my mood and my growing discomfort. It rankled him, reminding him Madara had ever disturbed me, and he snapped out at last, “Well, what are you waiting for?! Are you just going to keep sitting there, mincing words, or are you going to try fighting us again?!”_

_Madara’s gaze was dark and steady when he turned it on my comforter, his_ Sharingan _hidden and inactive. “We shall never be friends, will we,_ Jinchūricki _? Yet, it is my own fault and your enmity well earned.” He shut his eyes and shook his head. “There is no need for me to attempt fighting you again. The three of you have proven yourselves more than capable_ shinobi _, and you to have sufficiently adequate control of the_ Kyuubi _within you. Further tests would be pointless.”_

_The words seemed to leave Yahiko stunned. At the least, he sputtered a moment before spitting out, “Then why the hell are you here! If you didn’t come to harass us, or talk to_ Otosan _about_ Konoha _, then why in_ kami _damned hell did you come back!”_

_My fingers were tight on my knees, clutching them, as I leaned forward over the low table, hair in my face._ Please… _“Y-yahiko…”_ Don’t…

_The single word and the unspoken thoughts were together a plea._ Do not do this, do not threaten him! _But I need not have concerned myself. Madara remained unfazed by Yahiko’s outburst. He only sighed and bowed his head a moment, closing those eyes, which haunted me with their mystery._

_“I had hoped to wait until the other_ Sannin _were here, but there is no time, and I owe you an explanation.” His eyes opened, burning a sad, weary red, as I had never seen them smolder before, and he turned them on Orochimaru. “Lord_ Hokage _Minato sent me to recall you. Your ‘short vacation,’ as the Toad Sage called it, is at an end._ Konoha _is at war, and, you will shortly find,_ Amegakure _is as well. And though the Hidden Leaf and the Village Hidden by Rain are not declared enemies, neither are we allies. You can stay here no longer,_ Chakra _Master.”_

_The cliff. Here was the thing I sensed in Madara’s_ chakra _. It shivered through me and forced me out into the abbess. A sick, dizzy dropping sensation rose in my stomach, and I bowed further over the table, a small sound escaping me, even as my own fingers bruised my skin._

_But it was Yahiko who spoke first, Yahiko who vented the rage and fear and loss swallowing us whole._

_“Dammit!” he cried out, thick, angry tears blinding him, teeth set against them. Teeth grinding against the pain of it. “_ Kami _fucking dammit!” His fist connected with the floor following the words, splitting the flesh of his knuckles on the boards and sending a shockwave of Matatabi’s_ chakra _rippling through the house, to rumble in its frame. “What’s wrong with you adults?! Why can’t you just stop?!”_

_The words out, my protector fled the table with a growling sob, amid a swirl of despairing_ chakra _._

_“Yahiko!” Konan called after him, even as she flew out in his wake._

_I half rose to follow, only to fall back with a small sound in my throat, my fingers cutting into my palms. My own anguish was a physical thing in my body, a burning, fluttering pain in my limbs, and I longed to have Yahiko near me. To have the weight of his_ chakra _in my arms and his scent rampant in my nose. Yet, I thought it perhaps better my friends were without me. Konan could comfort Yahiko in a way I could not. One which he would not allow, even if I should offer it. Already their_ chakras _were entangled._

_I was alone and I stared, blind, at nothing._

_“This is poor news.”_

_The words were hiss and recalled my mind to Orochimaru. “_ O-to-san _…” I lifted my hands, to do what I wasn’t sure, simply to pause, my eyes taking in my trembling hands when I noted the blood dripping between my fingers. My nails had dug crescent-shaped grooves in my flesh, welling blood._

_I lowered my hands again, a choked sound escaping me. “_ Otosan _-”_

_“Where are those fools of mine, Nagato?” The hiss in Orochimaru’s tone had not diminished. His amber, snake eyes were narrowed and irresistible._

_Another, small sound pushed out my throat, my hands clenching to fists in my lap and leaking red unto my cloak. “Near.” The word was a grunt. A helpless thing, my adoptive father gave no heed to._

_“How near?”_

_“Hours._

_“_ Otosan _…”_

_I wanted comfort, but Orochimaru had none to offer me. His glance was cold, making me drop my gaze to my fisted hands, the red wings of my hair falling forward to cover my face. Dazed, the vision of my own blood swam before my blurred eyes, but the snake like man was pitiless._

_“Go send word to those imbeciles to come back here.”_

_I folded in on myself, body bending forward and tensing, sight flickering and alternating with dark patches, yet, my guardian would not relent._

_“Did you hear me, boy?”_

_“Y-yes._ O-Otosan _.”_

_“Then go do as I say.”_

_Swaying to my feet, dizzy and lightheaded, numb to the point I cold not feel the ground beneath me, I found myself caught in swirling_ Tomoe _marks. Madara’s eyes on me like a form of penance I did not understand._

What… do… you see… with those eyes now?

_Then I was turning and staggering for the door. I remember nothing clearly until I found myself heaving breath, with unfocused eyes, and clinging on the splintering post where I had once sunk down holding Madara’s gift. I fell to my knees there, leaning on the weathered wood, so I would not tumble down among the flowers I had grown earlier in the day._

_I came to myself there an unidentifiable time later, stirring weakly against the boards. Only knowing my sensory abilities told me Madara was still in the house with Orochimaru, and Yahiko and Kona were entangled within our room. I swallowed past dryness, recalling why it was I had been sent out._

_A part of me wanted to rebel against it, but another would not allow it. I knew loyalty, even if I reckoned nothing of duty to country or village._

_And sending word to the absent_ Sannin _was remarkably easy. In my way of playing about with_ jutsus _, and altering them to my whim, I had taken an interest in ink techniques of late. Removing a pot of ink from in my cloak, I did not bother drawing on the scroll tucked in an inner pocket, instead, directly pouring out the ink and infusing it with my_ chakra _in_ Sumi Nagashi _to create a flock of flapping birds._

_I slumped again after watching the black and white creations of my lifeforce disappear into the dimming distance. They would find Jiraiya and Tsunade where I knew them to be, entangled, even as Yahiko and Konan were, and my ink creations would hound them until the things of ink delivered Orochimaru’s message. There was no doubt my_ senseis _would return once they knew what news Madara had brought._

_This knowledge broke me. Raising a still bleeding hand to my face, I sobbed into it, until my body had run dry of tears. Then I did something I had never dared to do since Orochimaru had commanded me in the restrictions of my_ senjutsu _meditation. I slid from off the porch and laid myself among the_ Kosumosu _flowers in preparation to use my meditation for the second time that day._

_My whole frame felt light, fragile. As though I were floating, I could not feel the earth beneath me. A thin part of me said this was shock and I was being a fool, but I paid it no mind. Instead, closing y eyes and dissipating my consciousness and_ chakra _into the earth and air around me._

_There was no overt desire for death in this. On the contrary, what I desired was close at hand and easy to find without expanding much_ chakra _and risking too much. Sending my senses out after my ink birds and forth beyond them, I found Jiraiya’s lively silver and red_ chakra _and Tsunade’s calm gray in their secluded closeness. I found Yahiko’s flickering blue and white life energy and Konan’s irradiance cooling together in our bed, and my_ Otosan’s _icy silver and gray sitting beside Madara’s burning crimson and purple-velvet fire in the main room of the house. My family. Held for a final moment as they were meant to be._

_I craved only this. This sensation of warmth and life and security. I held it like a precious thing in my mind, even as my body twitched on the ground, surrounded by flowers which wavered in a freshening wind foretelling the rain I could not stop._

_Lost as I was, I did not know how long I lie there, unmoving. Yet, in time, a stirring pulled me from the stillness. Madara’s_ chakra _separated from Orochimaru’s. That simmering inferno swept out of the house and paused at the head of the stairs leading off the porch. I did not need to open my eyes to know the cast of the man, whose gaze washed over me, burning my unfeeling body and making it tremble._

_He stood above me, head canted to one side, armor gleaming, one foot on the porch, the other on the next riser, hair slipping about his shoulders and over his back. I even felt the shift in his_ chakra _when his_ Sharingan _came active again, spinning into life, to memorize the sight of me._

_My breathing struggled to accelerate, as my heart throbbed against my ribs. Madara did not see it. Or, perhaps, he did with those relentless Copy Wheel eyes. Yet, he came toward me all the same, his steps irresistible in their surety. They covered the scant space between us and the man sat beside me, close enough I would have been able to feel the heat of his skin, should I have been attuned to such mundane senses, but far enough to assure me he did not mean to touch me._

_Even in the midst of my fevered meditation, I wondered what I looked like to this terrifying man. A thin boy on the verge of adulthood, hands and face and clothes still smeared with my own blood. A body, absent of mind, arranged among unnatural flowers._

_It was horrifying, this image, paired with the knowledge of my own immobility. A form of panic spread all through me, a disturbing counterpart to the calm brought on by my meditation. Instantly, I began drawing myself back into my body, but I knew this would take time. Too quickly and I would injure myself._

_Yet, I was able to part my lips in a thin moan, and my eyes flickered open, so that Madara understood I knew of his nearness. The man stiffened at my side, taking in my blank and unseeing gaze, his_ chakra _condensing into a core of overwhelming density._

_“Nagato,” he murmured, and I could not remember hearing my name from his lips before._

_My terror was not abated. Driven by it, I forced motion into my arm, infused my fingers with_ chakra _. Slow, uncertain in its movements, I managed to raise my arm. Using the blood my nails had already drawn from my palm in the house and bypassing all need of weaving a sign to mold my_ chakra _, I pressed my_ jutsu _into the ground and found what I desired. A_ Kosumosu _seed._

_As I had done the day after Madara had given me his gift, I asked the seed to sprout, to grow into a plant with two stems and two blooms. My fingers brushed over the petals, as they slipped to the earth. Twitched there; strengthless. Impotent. The flower between Madara and I like a plea._

Don’t hurt me!

_The Uchiha watched me, his red and black eyes examining my helplessness and the fragility of the offering presented to him. With care and a form of respect, he bent over one of the blooms, pressed his lips to it in a tender kiss, and plucked it as he murmured, “Thank you.”_

_My words and actions of a year previous washed over me with another low moan. I was able to turn myself unto my side, curled into a fetal crescent, as more of my_ chakra _and conscience thought returned to my physical form, but this was all. Madara held the flower loose in his hands and looked out over my garden while my body ticked with the slow return of feeling and use to my nerves._

_This lasted for a time I could not measure, though my upper mind said it must have been hours. It was never easy or quick, my return to my body, and this was the second time I attempted it in too short a span. Every string and grain of_ chakra _was dragged into me through a thick wall of gravely resistance, which left me gasping and jerking. Madara often turned his attention on me, but he didn’t know what was the matter, or what to do for me. Even if he should have dared to touch me, which he seemed remiss to do._

_At last, I was able to shut my near unblinking eyes and sigh out a normal breath. I felt myself fully in my body once more, but I could not move it. My eyes fluttered weakly and my fingers scrambled in the dirt, wishing to push me up, but pointlessly._

_A spent sound of despair parted my lips and I whimpered at my powerlessness. It, and my foolishness. I wondered if I would die there, by Madara, but I did not fear it. More, I feared the cool silver and gray_ chakra _moving from within the house and coming toward me._

_Orochimaru descended the stairs and hissed out at this sight of me, “What is this? What fool thing have you done, boy?”_

_Before Madara could speak a word, the snake like man had swept me up from off the ground and had me in his arms with my head in the hollow of his shoulder and my useless form against his chest. The strength of his arms and the familiarity of his scent, all sun and fresh rainwater, released something, which was pent in me. A pain which had driven me to my meditation to begin with, and I wept slow, heavy tears, my numb fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt. “_ O-otosan _…” The word was a rasp from a dry throat. Little more than a breath of blasted wind in a desert. If heard, then unacknowledged._

_Madara stood and frowned down at me. “Has the boy done wrong, and I was unaware of it? I thought it only the meditation he demonstrated upon my last visit,_ Chakra _Master.”_

_“So it is,” Orochimaru hissed. “The absurd boy overreached himself and spent his_ chakra _to the point just on this side of death. Ass!” he snarled at me. “Do you crave death so quickly?”_

_My tears leaked down my jaw and unto the cloth of his shirt I still clutched. The red of my hair clung to my damp face and it was with difficulty I found words to express my wrongdoing._

_“You… are- are leaving.”_

_The two men looked down on me. Madara’s eyes a swirl of red._

_Orochimaru sighed. “Yes, imbecile. The fact does not give you the right to disobey my advisement.”_

_I sobbed lightly, unabashedly. “_ Otosan _.”_

_The man did not answer. He merely turned and began carrying me to the house, Madara at his side._

_“Will the boy live?”_

_“Yes.” A hiss._

_They made the stairs and a different kind of hiss began, halting their forward motions, and prompting them to turn again, to view the yard._

_It was raining._

_The same rain which had covered the house my parents had attempted to hide in outside_ Amegakure no Sato _. The same which swept my unfortunate birthplace twice before I reached my eighth year. The same which had rushed over me the night my parents had died, and a group of Leaf_ shinobi _had stolen my innocence because they cared for nothing but their own needs and desires._

_For rain and war were alike, the constant companions of my life, and I saw in the moment, the pitiless rain shredding the petals from the_ Kosumosu _flowers and drowning those it did not strip bare, I could stop neither from destroying what I loved._

_Orochimaru shifted me in his arms, to press me closer to his heartbeat, and Madara came around to block the sight of my ruined garden from my eyes, but neither could dispel the hideous and uncompromising certainty awoken in me, despite the snake-eyed man’s assurance. And not even my_ Otosan’s _softly spoken words, “I think it best you share my bed tonight, boy, as both our sets of fools have seen fit to abandon us for each other,” could turn it aside._

_Carried into the house, with the falling water sighing in my ears, I knew with surety I would die in the rain._

**Author's Note:**

> I am an original fiction author and fan fiction writer who literally lives for comments, even if they are nothing but inarticulate vowel screams. And, I make it a point to reply to every comment I receive. Also, feel free to come hang out with me and a couple of other amazing fic writers and readers in a little Facebook group [AO3 Armada](https://www.facebook.com/groups/601270063618951)
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> We are gearing up for book luanch November 21! Woot, woot!


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